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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

999 replies

handfulofcottonbuds · 27/12/2013 14:33

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

OP posts:

mammadiggingdeep · 30/12/2013 22:18

Cjel...Pom poms will do fine :)

Yes...I'm out tomorrow day but will be in at midnight. I was planning on an early night so I could be up and at 'em on NY day. I'm going to stay up and the the stroke if 12 I'm going to walk into the garden, raise my glass and shout "fuck you 2013...". The neighbours think I'm bonkers anyway!!!

Hey...by the way ladies, did you know that tomorrow night is also a new moon. The last time a new year fell on a new moon was 19 years ago...it is very good for new starts. Perfect!!!

sarajane231 · 30/12/2013 22:25

A will raise a glass and say a happy "fuck you" to 2013!!!

Sometimes Mamma...the only word to use is the c-word. None other will do.

Having read all your posts...have to say...the stupid bastards who left us really were STUPID. You're all great xx

Original poster

handfulofcottonbuds · 30/12/2013 22:29

They are great sarajane and have helped me so much.

Find your song and play it loud lovely x

OP posts:

sarajane231 · 30/12/2013 22:35

I cant find a song. All music makes my skin crawl since it happenned. I need more time.

I met a man a few weeks back and he told me his wife left him while he was in a coma!!!! What a cow!!! He was only in it fir two weeks but the docs told her he might be brain damaged and she didnt want to look after him and ran off!!!!

mammadiggingdeep · 30/12/2013 22:36

The c-bomb is the way forwards!!

I've just upped the ante...

I'm gonna raise a glass and shout "fuck you 2013, you were a right cunt"...

BlueSkySunnyDay · 30/12/2013 22:43

Do you know what made me say if you will let it? My friends parents split up when we were young and her mum was so embittered by it she never moved on - that always struck me as very sad.

Nothing You Have done Has caused this (unless you shagged his sister or spent his life saving s on shoes) these men are thoughtless twunts either because their parents are too or they have lost their grip on reality. You are obviously all way too good for these fools (I am hearing that in Mr Ts voice for some reason)

cjel · 30/12/2013 22:44

MAMMA - what rebelliousness is this I'm seeing and hilarity we could be in danger of becoming people who have better lives after our exs Will be raising a glass and shouting alongx

mammadiggingdeep · 30/12/2013 22:52

Bluesky..."I pity the fools..."

Yes cjel- our lives will be better than theirs, no doubt. In a way they already are. We can hold our heads up high knowing that whatever our faults we have not done the things that have done. We are not, for want if a better word and continuing the theme for the evening...cunts like them!

cjel · 30/12/2013 22:57

I like having the peace of an honest mind and I think there will be times when they can't have that.

mammadiggingdeep · 30/12/2013 22:57

Bluesky- I also have a friends parents who have remained bitter and stuck in a divorce that happened 20 odd years ago...
So sad :(

mammadiggingdeep · 30/12/2013 22:58

Yes, cjel. Exactly that.

sarajane231 · 30/12/2013 23:26

I'm gonna raise a glass and shout "fuck you 2013, you were a right cunt"...

You had me laughing for the first time in days!!!

Original poster

handfulofcottonbuds · 30/12/2013 23:31

Oh Lord - I've had the c-bomb on my thread!! Are you in the cava again mamma?

sarajane - almost an hour and I have just read your thread. You had a few giving you a hard time but so much great advice and I can hear you getting stronger throughout it. You will be okay. Have to say I felt flattered that mainamow recommended my thread too

OP posts:

redundantandbitter · 30/12/2013 23:38

Blimey I slipped away for a few hours and this threads all gone a bit Pete Tong. I
Took my 2 DDs and her friend for pizza and then the theatre for her 9th bday.
Managed to lose the car parking ticket but sweet talked the attendant into letting me out for nothing being blonde really does help sometimes even if its out of a bottle

So.. Tomorrow night sounds interesting, with various beverages and outfits. I shall be on duty so no bad behaviour ladies I'm a volunteer police officer sshh don't tell anyone

And random brother that I don't hear from
Much has decided to crash at mine with his WAY too young girlfriend so I'll have guests!

sarajane231 · 30/12/2013 23:42

It was good because when this happens you only think it's to people with bad marriages or something...you and me had the same where the guy was mr perfect and then mr demon. Horrible thing to go through. Shakes you to the foundations.

I know my situation was fairly crap, but I REALLY feel for you so much more with the divorce and all the issues, not to mentioned there being an OW which must add a new dimension of pain. My heart totally goes out to you. At least I am free to walk off and that's a nice thing.

I did get the best advice on my thread. Better than I got from RL friends, as well meaning as they were, they love him too so found it hard to maybe see his shortcomings. They've gotten me through the past month without question and made me see all sorts of things I never knew. Thanks to the ladies here I see a small window of opportunity to make life better.

Dont be fooled though. I'm still an utter mess and probably will be until I have my bearings and a new place etc. Mine's wanting to look at sorting things out and that makes it more difficult to move on. Even though you know you have to.

redundantandbitter · 30/12/2013 23:49

So, FUCK ME 2013 has been a crazy year. Started off me and exp had a "misunderstanding" last NYE and just about made up by midnight.

I met his DDs in jan, had done lovely times together, valentines , gigs, his friends invited me for a curry at their house, stood with all his family cheering at the end of his marathon, we spent a heavenly 2 nights in a hotel for my birthday in June , reminisced round the town we both went to college in, visited the spot where we first met 25 yrs ago and exp insisted a stranger took our photo. We took his girls out to a NT garden for a picnic, went camping with my DDs, kissed and snoozed in a summer meadow, and he asked his parents to have dinner with us to get to know me better . Then he went away in August and detached himself. I am at a total loss.

My daughter saw an advert for a Dave Gorman
Show tonight and said it looks like exp . I had to fight the tears.

Why do people see pain and darkness as a gift? Sorry I don't get it... The hurt is horrendous.

sarajane231 · 31/12/2013 00:09

Sorry to hear that redundantandbitter...how long were you together?

babycow38 · 31/12/2013 00:12

Oh im sorry R and B you got to me in the first sentance, i met his DD !!! i would be in agony if that OW met my daughters, its never going to happen, i would kill for that not to happen, my girls are sad, in grief for their family life, miss thier dad, and all the while he is prob setting them up for a meeting with her, absolute pain all ways for me and the girls, sorry ,i cannot believe you did that and thought it was okay, i know you are grieving now over him, and i absolutely understand that, no flaming off me lovely. i feel your pain, but the next stage in my life is to have that bastard introduce OW to my hurting children, it sends me back into that pit of dispair, i just wish OW would know this .

redundantandbitter · 31/12/2013 00:14

Hmm don't even go there. Knew him at college 25 yrs ago.

Started an affair , was OW for 2 fucking miserable years (why the fuck did I do that ) and then he got kicked out and we were together for just under 2 more years.

So I guess he we treated out partners badly (though my DDs father agreed I'd done him a favour) and its all come back to bite me on my arse coz he's skipped off in the subset with yoga troll that's my new name for herm

I know. I'm a shit. I'm having counselling. But thanks for asking. What happened to you?

redundantandbitter · 31/12/2013 00:18

Yeah. If its any consolation my DDs father moved out and married a colleague 11months later. Introduced DDs to her ASAP and I wasn't even told! They met her parents to and have grandparenty nick names for them. I dint even know who these people are FFS. It's all shit.

I dearly liked his DDs. I wish I hadn't met them as I wouldn't be missing them now.

Yoga troll has two Dc's. they've met each others Dc's already. And so it goes again.

redundantandbitter · 31/12/2013 00:21

Flame away. It's fine. Really.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 31/12/2013 00:25

The gift isn't the pain and darkness, it is the life that comes AFTER that.

These men, no matter how wonderful they seemed, had this cruelty and deviousness inside them - you probably weren't the first woman they treated like this and you Definately won't be the last. I know I keep saying it but your head will realize this way before your heart believes it.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 31/12/2013 00:32

And in fact redundant's story backs that theory up. You get a man in those circumstances... using your head rather than your heart you would KNOW what he is capable of. (Not flaming - highlighting the reality of my theory in your circumstances)

babycow38 · 31/12/2013 00:41

Im so NOT trying to make you feel bad, far from it R and B , its just you used that scenario because you feel sad, ,i met his DD,? im on the other end of this, it probably killed his DDs Mum and i know it will me, as i said no flaming, no winners here, we are all on the recieving end of shit men who will do what they want regardles of the pain they cause thier families xxx

cjel · 31/12/2013 08:45

I have pain when I think of her meeting my family, but I know dd and ds don't want to know at the moment. DD even had eye contact with him in supermarket and her dd said look it H and she said yes and swerved them away!!! Th most painful for me is knowing when people are starting to accept 'them' friends that are now going to theirs for meals etc!!! It almost feels as if they have replaced me

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