Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

I understand and I have considered that too with my financial advisor and solicitor but the advice I have is to go with what I'm asking and the DIY stuff can be left but then I'm left living with the house in the same state as when he walked out on me.

One thing keeps ringing in my head though that you said, is this too big a price to pay? That's what I need to decide tomorrow.

I'm remembering the deceit, the lies, the threatened abuse, the coldness when he said I knew he never wanted DCs when I was grieving for our lost ones, him spitting at me that I was a fucking dozy bitch, him scaring me for 3 months, him leaving me when I was drugged in a Muslim country the night before our wedding anniversary, him saying that our nieces passing away was one drama too many.

I need to not dwell on those things but not forget them either.

God, was that my life??

I really don't think any good would come of you being in the same space - especially for that length of time. I don't genuinely think he is remorseful, or has come to his senses. That vile person you have just described is who he is, those incidents weren't blips. He wants to get the money from the house sale and he's brazenly walking right into your life, after all he's done, and has the audacity to dictate the terms. He is not a good man.

You, however, are the loveliest woman

Thank you springy

I'm just popping out of the 'lurker's closet' to say you are amazing!

And that I would have a friend/relative 'drop by' during the weekend and stay for a nice visit. I can't put my finger on it, but the idea of an 'estranged d**khead husband' telling his 'lovely breathtakingly beautiful, but trusting estranged wife' to 'be home alone' just gives me the heebie-jeebies. I think I watch too much 'murder porn'.

Oh, and I mean 'murder porn' in the sense of those real life detective shows. Not the 'other kind' of murder porn!!!

Right...have had my thinking cap on. I think you should let him come over both days- u think you have to focus on getting the work done. Use the bastard.

However, if he starts on at you or if you start feeling yourself wobble emotionally I think you should call a halt to it (ie not let him back the second day).

I also think you should have a mate 'pop' by on Saturday afternoon. You can't control somebody 'happening to be passing'.

Hope you're ok xxxx

I'm thinking the same thing mamma. I can always tell him to go and not return the next day. I won't be made to feel uncomfortable in my home!

Besides, I can log on here for extra support.

Usually look forward to the weekend but can't believe my whole weekend will be taken up with FWH!

His DB has said to me not to let him intimidate me and to call him if there's any problems.

3 hours in 8 months! I can't believe it's going to be both days he's here!

Go with your gut instinct and stay safe. It might be a good idea to have some form of words in your head to use if you need to shut down any conversations. It can almost be a comfort to know what you are going to say.

Remember you don't have to explain anything. You don't have to answer questions about YOUR private life. Be civil, but otherwise display the personality of a blank sheet of paper.

Have a weekend dreaming of ballet, your next date and finally bringing this towards a better conclusion for you.

I will nevergrowingup. I have become very good at not saying anything and if he starts talking then my emotions will not be shown to him. After all, I know what my financial proposal will be and he is oblivious!

That's great that you are in a place you can see a way through this.

As for your financial proposal?... bring it on!

Have a good day x

He's here, he started work straight away. He looks a bloody mess!!

So, so skinny, big hair and a massive beard. He's crying while doing the work, says he's anxious.

Wow - OW has a 'prize'!

I'm feeling okay, being polite and remembering that I can tell him to leave whenever I like.

Hope you are looking serene and fabulous don't waste a moments sympathy on the fucker !!

I actually for a moment did feel sorry for him, that's me though, I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable in my home. Then he started talking over me and said he needs to know what my intentions are with the house as he has no money at all (!) I said I'm not discussing anything to do with the legal side but I wanted him out of my life as soon as possible. He said he understood and I calmly said that he didn't and I never want to see him again in my life once this is over. His eyes filled up again.

WTF is he playing at? He's living with OW!! Idiot!!!

I am glad I've seen him though as he looks like shit and hasn't changed his attitude after 9 months!

crocodile tears?

Yes LBZT - he's never once said he's sorry, it's all about him.

She must be after his money! After all, he's spending thousands on her.

Well he's a fool then because once the gravy train slows down/runs out she'll be off and then what will he be left with?

However that's not your worry I hope you get through today OK and I guess that you have something cooling in the fridge for later.

Yes, I have. Sadly it's too early to start now so I'll wait until he's gone

I do feel a bit weird though, like it's not my home right now. He's so rude to me as well, doesn't look at me and gets annoyed when I ask him to repeat his answers as he's talking very quietly with his back to me.

I've come into the bedroom to get away for a bit.

He's crying??????????? Fucking crying???????

Fucking cry me a fucking river.

Ps- sorry my love, I know you're not big on swearing but really. He takes the (fucking) biscuit.

Well done you, you rock x

When he turns his back you should just say "sorry to repeat the question only you're being ever such a rude cockhead and keep turning your back on me you dick".....

Ooooh, seething here on your behalf....

He's sitting in the garden with his head in his hands!

don't bite leave him to it

I'm going out now but sending you lots of strength to see you through the day.

Defo leave him to it. How dare he bring his self pitying arse into your house...cry, hold his head in his hands....fuck off with that mate!!! He chose to end it with you in the most painful way. He chose to break your heart. He chose to add to your stress by being a dickhead about finances.

Jog on buster.

Stay strong handful. Xx

Be strong x hope you're ok.