Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Handful you have come so far since that first night you posted. There are always little bumps to get over when you moving on but he isn't the man you married and I'm sure you wouldn't want him back.

I've got a third date tomorrow and I'm terrified! Not dated for 20 years and have only been with a couple of men including my h so massive new steps for me. Enjoy the sunny weekend.

itwillgetbetter - you're right, I wouldn't want him back.

Huge admiration for you! Is it a third date with same person or third date with new person?

Third date with same person so no pressure there! It is nice to be admired after all the shit I went through when H decided to announce he was having an affair.

for you both cotton and itwillget...big admiration for you back in the dating game!! Exciting :)

I wish you all the best for tomorrow and yes, you deserve admiration after the shit. It's going to be a beautiful day tomorrow! Just enjoy it x

I have family visiting, my DS had his fixed braces removed today after over 3 years and it's going to be a surprise for them, he's told nobody. He looks so different, has such a lovely smile

Thanks mamma, some idiots but some really nice people too

Brilliant news on the nisi!

Morning cotton beautiful day for showing off your DS new fancy teeth. Who'd have thought, on that black October night a long time ago, that you would be here now with that nisii in your hand - and doing rather well! Look, you cane through it. Bloody well done.

Is today skip day?

And as for 'is he celebrating?'

Well a) she's not been married before so she won't 'get it'. He might well feel weird and strange about it all ending...

Or b) they are relieved and can get on with their lives.

It doesn't matter - new chapter for you all. You have all the summer in front of you for gardening chucking on your strappy sandals and chunky jewellery and meeting up with lots of new interesting blokes

Yes R&B - it's wanker's waste day. They nearly didn't leave it as they said they didn't apply for a licence and it takes 2 working days to do that. I said I really needed the skip today and they finally agreed to leave it as long as I fill it up this morning!

I would like to think he feels a little weird about it but I know it's not healthy for me to spend my time wondering how it's affecting him. He hasn't given a toss how all this has affected me and my DS!

I read a piece in the Guardian this morning, written by Tim Dowling, all about marriage (or, his marriage). He tells the story of how he met his wife... but he was in a 4-year relationship when they met and he promptly and bluntly dispatched his girlfriend and went off with the woman who was to become his wife. I went off him big time when I read that.

But then he goes on to say he still feels bad about it 20 years later. It didn't assuage my hatred grumpiness towards him but it helped, a bit. He expects to always feel bad about it. Good!

so I do think these things catch up with people - or most people, anyway (definitely not all). Not initially, perhaps - they're too busy justifying their monstrous selfishness to touch the sides. But it helps to know they'll be tortured for eternity for a long time.

I've said on here before, I think, that although I left my husband (controller extraordinaire), I still felt weird and upset when our divorce came through. I couldn't wait to get shot of him but, nevertheless, all those hopes and dreams crashing down... It's a tough one imo, particularly if you didn't welcome the breakup.

Cotton, quite a milestone for you but one which will mark the beginning of some peace for you. Give yourself time, its the real healer.

As for the skip - I hope it went well this morning. Almost fast-track tipping of the tosser's crap.

You are doing really well, you sound a little stronger despite the nisi. Soon the good things will outweigh the bad and you will think less and less of your ex. His influence is waning, your strength is on the up. x

Hope you're garden looks much better and all your patience and perseverance has paid off.

'Your'

springy - I'd like to think he will be tormented in some way, that's not me wanting revenge or anything sinister but it would mean that our marriage stood for something. I'll never know though so thanks for telling me about the journalist who still feels some kind of remorse, I hope he does some day.

nevergrowingup - I treated it like a job I had to do rather than a clear out. As his stuff had been left there for almost a year, it was nice to have it cleared, more though as it helps with the house valuations I'm having done on Monday.

R&B - thank you for your support too.

I did spend a wonderful day with my family after in the sunshine and my SIL made me a beautiful pink cake

Ah, that's so sweet of SIL. Building new memories and spending time with them is helpful to create new positive stuff for you, instead the old crap shite that exp throws at you. Soon your better 'new life to shite' ration will grow and you'll care / think less and less about him.

It's a double whammy for him to have walked away from you AND your DS. God awful. Unforgivable.

Today I planted up some old planters at front of my house. It starting to look NICE ! My kids have a transformed shed as a den and I've booked a bouncy castle fort birthday next month. It's better being on your own cotton than with someone who just can't be arsed to care. What are your plans for tomorrow?

Completely rubbish typing. Pah.

It's good to know that you're doing so well too R&B x

I'm getting the house ready for the valuations on Monday, have a full week with getting quotes from tradesmen, seeing financial adviser and then getting a settlement proposed. Not looking forward to it, feel like I just don't stop but I know there is an end in sight.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel- keep a list and keep striking through the tasks and you will see how brilliantly you are doing. Hope you are thinking about something nice fir yourself in the not too distant future too?

Something nice? A date with the soldier would be nice

Don't get me started on men in uniform....

It's never been on my radar but he was wearing full military uniform last night with all his medals. He comes across as a real gentleman too. Okay cotton pull yourself together

You've met already?????

Not swooning not swooning....ok, I'm swooning

No, not yet. He was telling me his plans last night. He wants to get to know me first. He doesn't talk about any aspect of his past in a negative way, says he's seen too much in his career and is very complimentary to me. We'll see, if not, then I'll search again

Someone once said to me on here (maybe a couple of threads back), that they read my story and believed that the 'happy ever after' was going to be mine.

I have held onto that for months and I truly believe I am a few steps closer to that now!! Things are going well