Whatnext074 is now handfulofcottonbuds - thread continued

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Both my previous threads have reached their maximum postings so I have decided to NC from Whatnext074 to handfulofcottonbuds - thank you to walkacrossthesand for suggesting it as it makes me smile.

My previous thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1902849-Whatnext074-thread-continued still don't know how to convert links

I have had amazing support and advice from MNers since my H left me for OW - over 3 months on and I still can't believe this has happened.

Thank you to all those lurkers and de-lurkers who have contacted me to say that they have found the advice given on my threads really helpful to them too which is mainly why I am continuing my thread.

I have felt so many emotions, been distraught, desperate, strong, indifferent, weak, scared, independent and sad. What has helped is knowing I'm not alone and knowing there is always someone on MN who offers a hand and I will always be grateful for that.

I have a challenging few months ahead, mediation in January and divorce shortly after and moving out of my home. I am scared right now about my future, for 11 years, I knew my future would be with my H and we could handle anything but now I have to find who I am and create my own future.

Thank you for all your support - I cannot tell you how much it helps xxx

Cotton, I haven't been on here for days and checked earlier this afternoon. There was nothing from you and I was concerned that you had been at the receiving end of more crap.

But... here you are posting a cryptic message about things heading in the right direction. Hallelujah!!! Its lovely to see that despite what's been thrown at you, you have remained an optimist. Fantastic to read that things are going well for you. xx

nevergrowingup - thank you x

I don't mean to be cryptic (maybe a little). Things are going really well with my soldier, am trying to keep my feet firmly on the ground, trying!

Saw a financial adviser today to help me get a financial proposal together and he was brilliant - tells it like it is. He said things that solicitors don't say - or rather don't know. He's proposing that my stbxh does get the money he wants - but after 5 years of him paying the mortgage as he said I'll be in a better position financially to sell the house and hopefully be able to afford another mortgage. He also said we can push for OW to provide her income, he was very clever in how he said to go about it.

He said a lump sum order may be what I would prefer but ongoing maintenance for 5 years would be a better option for me.

For the first time, in a long time, I feel good about the finances.

My soldier is an added bonus and will be posted closer to me in the future

Serious stuff aside... my soldier is an added bonus . Brilliant!

Your conversation with the financial advisor seems to have given you more confidence about your whole situation - given you some power back. You needed someone who could halt the ridiculous demands of your ex and present a workable alternative. He actually sounds on your side, not something I have felt about your solicitor. What a great day for you! I always felt that you ex was trying to bulldoze through the financial processes. Today the worm has turned and I love the fact that your advisor has a cunning plan re the OW.

Whatever happens now, you are in a much better place so be kind to yourself. Aside from the money, you are beginning to get some of your own worth back. xx

Whoo hoooooooooo!!!!! I'm gonna don the gold hot pants and do a little jig! Sounds all good cotton!!!

Well done you..... Xx

(I'm inthe tea tonight...bloody weight watchers but cheers with a cuppa)

• on the tea, not in the tea obviously... Aaarhhhh

I thought I was slightly posh but he trumps me! Wants to take me to the ballet!!!

My FWH (I'll call him that until my divorce is through), is due to come round and do some work on the house and collect his tools and weights next weekend. I want the work done as I think I'll need to stay in the house for a little while longer, but I have a date with my soldier......hmm, what do I do.....? See my FWH after 5 months of not seeing him or see my shiny new romantic, cultured man?

Ballet? Oh yes!! It is one of my grown up pleasures.

I do prefer the Matthew Bourne productions - they are amazing but I also enjoy the more traditional performances as well.

Let me think about your question... see your FWH or your shiny new romantic, cultured man??

Hmmm... NO CONTEST!!!

I've never been! I'm very excited

I might need to do some research, do you recommend watching 'Black Swan'? I feel like I'm in Pretty Woman right now - without being the Julia Roberts character obviously x

Oh wow!!!!!! I want a posh cultured soldier to take me to the ballet!!!!

The ballet...how lovely :)

mamma - you should come too, he won't mind maybe leave the hot pants at home, don't want you upstaging me

Do you know, even my financial adviser said to me today that so much can and will happen to me in 5 years, he said there's no way I will be on my own! Not that I'm not independent but he said I'll be snapped up - made me smile.

Oooh! I like your financial advisor .

I tend to agree with him.

I also meant to say that it might be a good idea to go to the ballet without any preparation. The combination of your romantic soldier, the music and the dancers. Let it happen and enjoy the moment. It will be magical.

Pretty Woman - yes!!

Yes, you're right (as always).

He can teach me about it

I need some advice. My soldier is away this weekend so my FWH is coming to collect his things and do some work in the house (?!) I am feeling really anxious about seeing him.

Last time I saw him was mediation in January when he acted horrible to me. His DB saw him a week ago and said he was acting weird and moping about and not saying anything when he told him a few home truths.

I just need some advice on how I can remain strong. I know it will be even more strange for him coming to the house after only seeing me for 3 hours in the past 8 months but I want to maintain my dignity.

Evening lovely lady. Is there any way you can have a friend or two round in the house at the same time as FWH is there? Mental safety in numbers and all that?

He has said that he wants nobody here - not even my DS (I wouldn't put him through that anyway). I suggested a time in the morning but he now says that's too late as he has hours of work to do! I have explained that it's because my DS is going out at a certain time and he I didn't want their paths to cross. He is still trying to control me!

I hope he looks like shit (excuse the language)

I think you should have something to do indoors whilst he's there...I know it sounds silly but could you bake? Be preparing something in the kitchen?? Would keep you busy and in one room.

Obviously, for your own self make sure you are wearing something which gives you loads of confidence. Oh, and leave the ballet tickets casually on the kitchen table :)

I feel uncomfortable on your behalf about that request (order?). Who the fuck does he think he is? Sorry - had to say that out loud. Is he likely to kick off? Can you call for back up if you need it?

mamma - I have a cabinet to put together, been putting it off for weeks. I thought it would be a good opportunity to do that and it keeps me in the same room as him not to make him feel uncomfortable of course he intends to (strangely) be here both days. The work needs doing but I never thought he'd do it. He might be doing it to clear his conscience??

He will be getting a letter with my financial proposal next week so I thought I'd take him up on the offer to get some things done seeing as I'll be in the house for a while (although he doesn't know that yet).

How the hell can I be casually putting a cabinet together and still look fabulous?? I haven't a clue what I'm doing!

growingold my DS won't be far away. I'm really confused and for the first time in months, I've had to tell myself to control my breathing!

I reckon that you would look fabulous in dungarees with a scarf on your head and a smudge on your nose! You know why? Because you are fabulous inside and it will show. Remember - fake it until you make it!!

.....and for the first time in months growingold - that brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much x

Awww shaddup you, you are making me teary here.

It's been a bit of a pants day - nothing at all like anything you are going through and not human related. I adore greyhounds and have a very old one. I am on a lot of FB groups about adopting and fostering them. One poor girl has been PTS today as she had cancer,only discovered when she was taken in for spaying. She had 6 little puppies. I just want them all and I am getting very emotional about it all. They are safe and are being looked after. I am a daft old cow. Give me the soft and gentle soul of a grey any day.

That's really sad, I'm so sorry to hear that. Yet here you are giving advice to others, you are amazing, just like all the others who have supported me for the past 8 months x

Only reaching out and giving a virtual hand to hold and only to people I think have soft and gentle souls.