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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm an ow

406 replies

fuckitanyway · 26/12/2013 22:08

I'm in love with a married man. He's my boss.

I am also married and have a lovely life. I love my husband and children. He doesn't hide the fact he loves his family and his wife.

I'm a member of mumsnet for about 7 years now - I'm not trolling - Friday night bumsex, Pom bears etc.

I'm not going to make the bazillion apologies I'm supposed to and know I should because it's ridiculous. I'm mortified, ashamed, I feel such a complete fucking moron at times. I keep doing it - so it's inexcusable and pointless and disingenuous to try rationalise it.

No one plans on leaving anyone. He's 24 years older than me.

It started one year and four months ago and now has run away with me.

I have attempted to post this a million times. I was too much of a coward.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt. Could you help me? I understand and accept I'll be flamed.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 26/12/2013 22:11

You're not leaving anyone, it's not going to go anywhere, it's not making you particularly happy.

Give him up and look for a new job?

mammadiggingdeep · 26/12/2013 22:11

Help you with what? Genuine question- what is it you need to talk through? How to stop?

Snuppeline · 26/12/2013 22:12

Stop seeing him before both your family lives are completely ruined. Change jobs if you have to, go to therapy and start looking after your own family who must surely have suffered for having an 'otherwise emotionally engaged' mother/wife.

It always ends in tears.

Sunflowerlovefield · 26/12/2013 22:13

Are you happily married or could something be missing in your current marriage that's making you have feelings for another man ?

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 22:13

What do you want? You sound sad but I'm not too sure why you've started this thread.

Casmama · 26/12/2013 22:14

What help do you need?
You know what you are doing and are doing it anyway. You are prioritising your own grubby desires over over the happiness and well being of your husband and children. You have also been doing it for over a year.

It doesn't matter wht anyone says on here as it will make no difference- if you haven't stopped for your family you won't for some strangers on the Internet.

Don't waste our tim or your own.

lottieandmia · 26/12/2013 22:14

This is a situation that will only ever end badly. But you know that. You will have to end it, won't you?

musicismylife · 26/12/2013 22:15

Exactly, vivacia.

ChelseaBun · 26/12/2013 22:15

You`re in love with him. Is he in love with you?

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 22:15

sunflower nothing makes you be unfaithful.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 26/12/2013 22:15

New year - new job!

musicismylife · 26/12/2013 22:18

You don't want to stop but you feel bad?

How about stopping it and thus, not feeling bad? Hmm

Or do you just like the thought of people being up in arms over your 'plight'?

Scarletohello · 26/12/2013 22:18

What do you want to do? Do you want to end it? How is it affecting you..?

scaevola · 26/12/2013 22:19

I think you have finally tumbled to the truth o what you wrote in OP. you cou parrot those words, but carry on with n affair ecause you thought (as everyn does) that you were unique and evaluate.

But with time, you realise it is neither of those things, and the shame of betrayal does kick in

You need to move on.

The best thing is probably to end your marriage.

Then live (genuinely) independently for a while, whilst you work out why you chose to break the basic underpinnings of a marriage. Once you know, you can then pursue a future which will make you happier.

Sunflowerlovefield · 26/12/2013 22:20

You're absolutely right Vivacia, nothing is an excuse to commit infidelity. OP I just wondered if your marriage was a happy one/ if you are happy?

goshhhhhh · 26/12/2013 22:20

I won't flame you - you sound sad. It doesn't feel like it gives you joy. And if you don't stop your dh will find out. He will eventually & he may not forgive you. Do you want that?

Work out what you get out of the affair & find out how you can get that out of your marriage. If you don't think that's possible then leave. Whatever you do stay well or leave well. The other man is not part of either of those two scenarios.

MrsWOLF1 · 26/12/2013 22:21

Selfish

Vivacia · 26/12/2013 22:23

Or do you just like the thought of people being up in arms over your 'plight'?

If you're right she won't have to wait long.

Original poster
fuckitanyway · 26/12/2013 22:24

You're all lovely people. I am more than aware that the likes of me have irrevocably damaged many fam

OP posts:
ghostinthecanvas · 26/12/2013 22:24

You say you would accept a flaming. This minimises the flaming. You are minimising the train wreck you are on. Minimise this. I don't give a flying fuck how long you have been on mumsnet. It does not help your squalid little tale. You are a selfish woman, putting your own needs and wants ahead of two families. Sort yourself out. Don't come on here, saying you know it is wrong, apologising. Disingenuous. Yeah. Right. Sort yourself out. In RL. Where it matters.

Cherriesarered · 26/12/2013 22:26

Well, if no one is planning on leaving anyone why are you feeling so bad? Do you think you should feel bad? Is there a power imbalance that is forcing you into this? If it is making you feel bad stop it or do you like the intrigue? Question why you need / are doing this - if bad - stop!

Original poster
fuckitanyway · 26/12/2013 22:26

Sorry - families on here than I can bring myself to think of. I do thank you for your kindness - I know I'm not deserving. It's a situation I never believed in a million years that I would find myself in. Yet here I am.

OP posts:
musicismylife · 26/12/2013 22:26

Cheap thrills at what expense?

Original poster
fuckitanyway · 26/12/2013 22:27

I'm tak

OP posts:
Golddigger · 26/12/2013 22:28

You need to work out why you do it. Do you know why? Most ows deep down seem to know the reason they are doing it.

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