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Original poster

Should I be threatened by a vibrator

190 replies

booboo4 · 02/12/2013 20:14

Basically I think I am getting side-lined due to a vibrator and today increased that fear.

To cut a long story short, I have a rather high libido and I am aware of this and try to control it. My GF wasn't feeling great this morning (flu/cold) but I was rather horny. I decided against making this obvious as I could tell she wasn't in the mood....very snappy with me, telling me she feels like crap etc and decided to pleasure myself. Subsequently I have found out she decided to do this to herself aswell after I left for work.

Am I being paranoid, but both of us pleasuring ourselves in the morning at different times surely isn't right. If we both wanted to have that 'sensation' surely we could have shared it...this isn't the first time this has happened.

Any advice would be welcome.

OP posts:
Leverette · 02/12/2013 20:16

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cathpip · 02/12/2013 20:20

No, sometimes all a girl wants is a quick orgasm without having to return the favour...

Bowlersarm · 02/12/2013 20:21

It's just different, not a replacement.

SomeDizzyWhore1804 · 02/12/2013 20:25

It's a totally different thing. Sometimes you just want a quick orgasm without the fuss.

ArmyOfPenguins · 02/12/2013 20:32

Why, do you think it might beat you up?

abbeynationall · 02/12/2013 20:36

I wouldn't be happy if dh turned me down in favor of his hand. Maybe have an honest talk with her?

PenguinDancer · 02/12/2013 20:38

I would talk to her about it. If your sex life in generally good then I wouldn't be fussed at all. If it is very bad then it might be a problem.

Is your sex life generally good?

Original poster
booboo4 · 02/12/2013 20:39

Thanks Abbeynational, don't know if I'm being paranoid but does feel like I get turned down and then as soon as I'm gone she 'sorts herself out' :/ maybe an honest chat is what is needed....

OP posts:
misty75 · 02/12/2013 20:39

Don't feel threatened. It's absolutely possible to want to have some sexual relief for comfort while feeling far too grotty and grumpy to actually want to interact with anyone, when feeling ill.

And illness aside, in general, it will be seriously off-putting for her if you resent her solo sexual activity. It will give her the feeling that you want to own and police her sexuality. It's lovely if both partners accept and enjoy the fact that they have some fun alone too, and it brings them closer sexually. It's not good if one or both are guilted into feeling that it's wrong, and either feel unable to do it or have to be secretive: this drives people apart.

Original poster
booboo4 · 02/12/2013 20:40

It was but the last few months it has been limited which is when I found out about the vibrator or realised about it

OP posts:
Original poster
booboo4 · 02/12/2013 20:42

I honestly don't mind her doing it, but when she makes every signal possible that she's not up for anything and then sorts herself out as soon as I leave the house worries me :(

OP posts:
CarryOnDancing · 02/12/2013 20:43

Maybe she didn't feel like kissing because she was snotty and had hairy legs?
Maybe she was aroused by seeing you but didn't feel attractive so waited until you had left to let out her frustration?

You could always ask her? She might appreciate a conversation about it and I'm sure she has questions about how frequently you pleasure yourself without her.

I wouldn't take it as a negative sign of anything with just that one incidence. Try not to let it worry you.

Bowlersarm · 02/12/2013 20:43

Is it possible that she wasn't in the mood, you sort of got her in the mood, then you left for work, so she was semi aroused and thought about using the vibrator?

misty75 · 02/12/2013 20:45

Talk to her about why sex with you isn't happening as much as you'd like. Don't relate it too much to her masturbation; that won't be the cause of the problem.

CuntyBunty · 02/12/2013 20:45

The crucial question is though, does she manage to orgasm during partner sex with you? If not, you have your answer.

MillyRules · 02/12/2013 20:46

Maybe she isn't orgasming with you but has found that the Rabbit (or whatever she is using )satisfies her in a way your not. Definitely a talk needed then. Good Luck.

MillyRules · 02/12/2013 20:47

(sorry Cunt) crossed post....sniggering at your name though.

CarryOnDancing · 02/12/2013 20:48

I x-posted and have seen that you are worried it's more frequent.

A vibrator really can't compare to good sex but it is a quick fix and really if she's feeling ill then that's what she wants.
If she's not feeling attractive and ill then she possibly wouldn't be able to orgasm from a quickie before work.

What prompts you to go solo? Surely sometimes you prefer to disappear alone and it's not because you've taken any issue with your partner?

SteamWisher · 02/12/2013 20:48

Maybe she didn't want to because of how you asked?
Did she tell you she'd used it?

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 02/12/2013 20:48

How did you discover she sorted herself out after you left ?

JazzyCardi · 02/12/2013 20:56

My DP used to pre-arrange the position of my vibrator so he'd know if I'd used it Hmm

We had very strong words about it when he told me.

PosyNarker · 02/12/2013 20:58

Umm, YAB a bit U.

Women often take longer to climax. DP actually bought me vibrators. I do climax during sex, but sometimes if my brain won't switch off I take longer than he does. Vibrator and cuddles - no issue there.

If she has flu, do you really want to catch it? DP would have no issue with me using a vibrator when ill - sex without kisses can be a bit odd and who wants to get over-enthusiastic and give their DP a nasty bug?

Also to be quite frank, I can be all over and done with in 2 mins with a vibrator. If DP is also horny and we're denying each other then that's a bit unfair, but otherwise, where's the harm? Do you think she's favouring getting herself off? If so, you probably need to talk.

Preciousbane · 02/12/2013 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
booboo4 · 02/12/2013 21:11

What prompts me to go solo is the knowledge that I have a high libido and don't want to seem like I want sex all the time...sounds shit but I can't help my hormones :/

We have no problems when having sex, I can make her climax at least twice during intercourse, but recently I've got the impression she's not up for anything and then I find out she's sorted herself out afterwards...

OP posts:
MistAllChuckingFrighty · 02/12/2013 21:13

You didn't answer my question.

She climaxes twice through intercourse, you say ? < eyebrow >

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