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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The dating thread 66

999 replies

LividofLondon · 02/12/2013 16:43

Seeing as thread 65 is now full.

Nothing to report here. I'm still in almost daily contact with MrK but due to his work was not able to meet this weekend. We're hoping to arrange something for this coming weekend, so fingers crossed. I keep reminding myself that every-other weekend is fine, but it just seems such a long wait in between

Seeing as I'm trying to keep my cool and my plan was only for something casual, I'm still looking for more dates. But there's no-one I like online at the moment [sigh]

OP posts:

Dwerf · 02/12/2013 16:46

wanders back in
I've missed a couple of threads, but I'm back on the scene. sigh

Bant · 02/12/2013 16:55

What happened, Dwerf?

On the topic of meeting - there is always a trade-off between meeting too soon and you're pretty sure you like their personality, and too much building up of expectations.

Personally (and I'm pretty much on the sofa as far as OD is concerned at the moment) I preferred to exchange emails for a week or so, then arrange to meet if the person was amusing, interesting and attractive. If they were boring then I wouldn't bother. If they were unattractive (always trust the worst photo) then I wouldn't generally bother with the email exchanges. If someone couldn't meet me within 3 weeks or so I'd bin them.

When I first started OD I used to email/text for a few weeks to make sure I liked them a lot, then meet, and I was almost always disappointed in person due to lack of chemistry. Great potential friends, sometimes, but.. just no chemistry or spark. Sometimes I got that weird feeling when I realised I didn't want to see this person ever again, but they already knew the names of my kids, their birthdays, favourite toys, and who I'd dated at college and stuff.. it's a very false feeling, thinking you 'know' someone when it's just an internet persona, or your own mental image of them that you think you know, not the actual person.

Everyone is wittier behind a keyboard, everyone chooses their most flattering profile photos, and you can't tell if they're rude to the waiter until you meet them.

Dwerf · 02/12/2013 17:02

I ended up getting back together with the ex. It lasted six weeks. I'm ok with this (I suspect he's not, but meh, what can you do?)

Bant · 02/12/2013 17:24

So out of interest, dwerf, will you get back in touch with any ODers you cancelled on when you got back with the ex?

Or was there no one in the running at the time?

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 19:47

Update: niceguy being binned shortly. I did message him (I know, I know) saying hi and he's just replied he's going to watch a film and then early night... at 7.30pm!! .

I deserve someone who can't wait to talk to me or to meet me ..... ditch ditch ditch!

Bant · 02/12/2013 19:54

Good call, knowing

Poffedoff · 02/12/2013 19:57

Hormonal, what did you tell mrbrowneyes? Well done for not letting it drift along..

powpow80 · 02/12/2013 20:25

Knowing- good call indeed. You do deserve better than that.

Aknowinggrin · 02/12/2013 20:58

Thank you guys. No one else to talk to at the moment though...... thinking of sending a few messages but every time I do I rarely get anything back (and no, I don't think I'm punching about my weight .)

Those of you on GSM, do you message guys first or do you tend to wait for them to contact you? I'm already 'liking' quite a few but none of them is 'liking' me back (regressing to being a fifteen year old again being picked last at school )

RollerCola · 02/12/2013 21:31

Hello everyone, I've not posted much but have been following your OD stories.

Can I ask some advice please? I met a guy online in Sept. We hit it off & chatted daily by text for a few weeks. We met up, got on great, have met up weekly ever since & things are going great.

We've agreed to take things v slow, mainly because I'm fairly newly out of a very long EA marriage (separated in July), and am not quite divorced yet. I wasn't looking for anything serious at all, but it seems to be heading that way & we're both v happy. We'd both like to move things on a bit.

My dilemma is, I haven't really told anyone irl yet because I'm worried that my exh will start being difficult. Currently, we've agreed a financial deal whereby I buy out his share of the house. This is heavily weighted in my favour and I'm coming out with a very good deal - my solicitor suggested it & exh has agreed to it (he isn't using a solicitor) and we're hoping to get a clean break asap.

Exh & I are being unnaturally nice to each other at the moment and I think it's because neither of us want to rock the boat wrt the financial agreement. I'm nervous that if exh finds out about me seeing a new guy he'll start being awkward and could start making extra monetary demands.

I'd like to think he wouldn't do this considering he was the one who's had numerous emotional affairs and possible physical ones as well. I suspect he also is seeing someone. But I can't be sure he won't suddenly be all funny about me seeing someone else.

So I haven't told anyone irl about new guy in case it gets back to exh. I want to start telling friends & family but I feel like I'm taking a risk and don't want to mess up my financial security. So it's all very secret atm.

To be honest I'm not ready to tell the dcs either yet so in that respect it does need to stay secret from them for quite some time, but I'd really like to stop sneaking around!

Any advice on this? I don't want to rush anything but on the other hand I really like this guy! He understands the situation and had put no pressure on me whatsoever, but I know he's keen and I'd like us to be able to move on a bit.

Dwerf · 02/12/2013 23:14

rollercola It won't do any harm to keep it under your shirt for a few more weeks or months even , just keep him your delicious secret. I dated a bloke for about 8 months and only about half a dozen people knew. Nobody''s business but mine.

Bant there was no-one in the running at that point. Mainy because I'm quite fussy, and unfortunately, so are most of the decent blokes it appears

Lahti · 02/12/2013 23:21

Just back from 2nd date. The meal was nice, but I don't want see him again. This sounds so superficial, but he drinks a lot more than me (he even admitted taking a sickie due to a hangover last week). He said my car was messy, and he was telling me the same stories as on our last date.
I just felt that I was a lot older and more responsible than him even though we are both 37.
Sigh.

Hormonalhell · 03/12/2013 07:13

Don't blame you Lahti, you seem to have made your mind up.

Roller I'd just leave it for now too although saying that I'm impatient and if I was happy would want to shout it from rooftops!!

Poffed...mr browneyes was cooling off and I just basically said he didn't seem that bothered and so wanted to call it a day before I got too serious...he didn't even bother to reply! Nothing!!! Got him very wrong!!

Oddjobman is great but doesn't have much time for me. Busy all day then has his child most nights and doesn't text me at all when has her. Bit frustrating really as I want to chat on an evening

I know he likes me a lot but surely he should show it more?

RollerCola · 03/12/2013 07:25

I think if oddjobman likes you he would make time. I'm in the opposite boat - I also work full time & my children are with me 6 nights out of 7. To top it off, new guy works nights so we don't even have much chatting time let alone dating time...but we still text every day and just sneak them in at every opportunity.

Having said that maybe he's just not a 'texter' but yes I would expect a bit more contact if he liked you a lot.

superdooperpenguin · 03/12/2013 09:04

Hormonal - I think oddjobman should be making more time and effort to speak to you, surely his dc goes to bed before he does?

Lahti - I felt that sigh! Fingers crossed the next one will be a keeper!

Roller - Do you have a best friend you can share the gory details with? Or come here and tell us how happy you are! In my experience ex's do tend to go a bit crazy about the first relationship.

Knowing - Good for you for ditching him. I'm not on GSM but I think just bite the bullet and send messages rather than like. Anyone that doesn't message back is clearly unworthy anyway

I am well and truly on the sofa for now. No one is sparking my interest at all online, I'd really like to meet someone in real life instead but have no idea how one goes about this!

RollerCola · 03/12/2013 12:54

Do you have any Xmas parties to go to superdooper? Somewhere you could get all dolled up & go and drape yourself over someone suitable?! It's difficult isn't it? Knowing who's single for a start when you're out irl is very difficult.

Yes I have told a close friend about my new chap so can at least gush to her about how nice he is. I'm probably going to tell some more friends soon as it's going so well - I just want to tell someone!

I'm desperately trying not to get too carried away but I know I'm falling for this guy. I feel like I need some more time to adjust - I was with my husband for 23 yrs since I was 15, so I really don't want to leap into anything...yet he's so unbelievably nice that I can't help it!

I need to keep my feet on the ground

ladygoingGaga · 03/12/2013 18:50

I'm with you super firmly sat on my arse on the sofa have a couple of Xmas do's and a weekend away with extended friend group, but most are coupled up.

That said this last 24 hours I've had texts out of the blue from 2 blokes who are married and clearly flirting and suggestive, I must have 'gagging for it' stamped on my head

superdooperpenguin · 03/12/2013 20:29

Gaga - same here, a dad at school has been trying it on with me and I know he's married! He's super hot but I would never go there. Clearly because we're single mums we must have 'desperate' stamped on our foreheads!

Roller - I have a few Christmas do's coming up but I'll be the only single one! Apart from one, where I am taking my best friend as a 'date'! Glad you've told some real life friends, half the fun of a new boyfriend is telling everyone how wonderful he is!

It's a crappy time of year to be single - I want a boyfriend for a Christmas! But not just any old one, someone exceptional!

Hormonalhell · 03/12/2013 20:34

Yes Gaga I get messaged by a married guy I know in Facebook. He asks me to talk dirty to him on PM

So predictable the majority

I too am wanting to spend Xmas with a special someone...all the Xmas love songs don't help do they?

girliefriend · 03/12/2013 20:34

Hello all signing into the new thread so got date no 4 lined up for friday evening. Dd going to a sleepover so am wondering about having a sleepover of my own

Hormonalhell · 03/12/2013 21:28

And why not eh Girliefriend have fun!!

superdooperpenguin · 03/12/2013 21:50

Have a wonderfully naughty sleepover Girlie - I'm so jealous

Hormonal - at the point where I almost cried at Wham...clearly I need more therapy!

ladygoingGaga · 03/12/2013 21:53

girlie sleepover sounds like fun

Yeah, I work in a male dominated environment so because I'm chatty and friendly, obviously that means I want to shag them all

ladygoingGaga · 03/12/2013 21:54

Have a hormonal

I've had a few near tearful moments, better out than in though, I always feel better after a good blub

FolkGirl · 03/12/2013 21:56

Right then!

I started chatting to a man online about a week ago. Hurrah!!

He lives 500 miles away in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.

I think I've got the hang of keeping an emotional distance now. We are currently having an online date :)

He has said he'd move for the right person (he does live somewhere very remote at the moment). Definitely not getting carried away though!

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