Bizarre situation with neighbour and DH - is this inappropriate or am I being silly?

[kiwiwiki]

Hello,

I had to name change for this one, as I feel like a complete prat asking for help with a sweet old lady. I need a bit of perspective so if you think I'm being ridiculous, feel free to say so and I won't take it personally.

Here's the story. I got married quite recently (I'm 27, DH is 34). We moved into our flat several months ago. There is an older lady (I think in her 60s, though I'm not sure) who lives alone down the hall and I think she has a bit of a crush on DH. That would be completely fine with me, but it's getting a bit too much. Initially she just went out of her way to chat with him every time he was around. Now, though, she has moved on to asking him for help with things in her flat. Sometimes she'll say that she's feeling unwell, other times she desperately needs help getting something fixed. It started to get a bit irritating after a while, but I still didn't mind until she started knocking on our door later and later in the evenings.

She completely ignores me. She's been to my flat multiple times now and knows who I am, but goes out of her way not to say hello to me when we see each other. This week DH was away on a business trip and I was alone. She came by the other day, claiming to be feeling ill and faint and asked if DH was around. I told her that he wasn't but offered to help her myself. She declined and said that she would be fine. I actually insisted (if she was really ill, I didn't want that on my conscience) but she refused my help and left.

Well, he came back tonight and so did she. Knocked on the door about 30 mins ago, claiming to be ill and he went to her flat and is still with her now.

I started getting annoyed so I complained about her behaviour to a friend who I was chatting with online. The friend said that the situation could be much worse than a simple annoyance. She said that the neighbour could cause a lot of trouble, accuse him of assault, or anything she felt like if things turned sour.

I think this is taking things a bit too far but it scared me a little too. Is my friend being completely paranoid or do I have something to worry about?

Go any get him!
Wtf is he doing?!

I refuse to go to bed until he is home with you .

Gosh, yes go and get him! And next time either make sure he is always too busy and offer your own help instead or go with him.

Definitely go round now

What does he say happens once he's there and she's claiming to be ill? I'd want to know what had been going on all this time!

Oh dear. This doesn't sound right at all. I'd be taking steps to distance yourselves from her. What a pain to have this on your doorstep.

I think you both fell into the idea that an 'older lady' of about 60 is a harmless - and importantly sexless creature. She is definitely not and has designs on your DH. You are (in her mind) a silly young thing who doesnt know how to hold on to her man.

Unfortunately you now have to impress upon a flattered man that the attention he has been on the receiving end of is actually a courtship ritual from this woman.Does he want to leave you and move in with her? Does he? You need to know.

at 'feeling faint' and 'getting meds' being a courtship ritual. Oh well I am only 20 years away from this!

So why would someone weak and dizzy walk to a neighbours? I don't understand that. I would stop answering the door at night. (after 8pm.) Let her think you are having sex.

60 is still young these days. I would not be happy at all. You can help your DH here. If he doesn't know how to deal with it all you have to do is be really kind and sweet to her. She knocks the door saying 'I need DH's help with x.' and you say 'Ooh ok, we'll come straight away. You both go. Every time.

You're not being silly posting on here about this and she's not a sweet old lady. Your DH is effectively being stalked and she intruding on your lives in an unacceptable way.

You need to sit your DH down and have a serious chat with him and work out a strategy for dealing with this. He needs to back off and tell her he's busy and most definitely stop going back to her flat with her every time she demands his attention. As others have said all the time he's pandering to her it's not going to stop.

It sounds harsh, but he owes her nothing and she not your responsibility. It's one thing being a good neighbour but quite another allowing yourselves to be manipulated in this way. As alarmist as it sounds there is always the possibility of her accusing him of assault, she does sound slightly deranged.

And stop feeling guilty about her. You've no reason to.

is he back yet?

Has she kidnapped them both?

I think it sounds as if he enjoys being there and I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he mustn't go near her again. go and get him!!!!

roadwalker. I am so tired but I want to make sure he's back safe and sound. I just hope they came home and decided to go straight to bed.

Is she attractive? Dresses nicely? Maybe even a little bit sexy, as some older women are? If so, lots of older men would love to have her! She has no need to be lonely. None at all.

Op. You need to go get him. Let us know you are ok.

Marking my place

I'm finding this strangely compelling. Hope OP and her DH are back home and have come up with a strategy to avoid this happening any more. The neighbour sounds barking...!

Don't go in as both you and DH could be accused. (I feel dramatic lol but protect yourself) Just attempt to get DH to back off.

Are you back yet?

MerryMarigold You can go to sleep now, we're both home safe and sound

I went round, said that I wanted to check everything was OK. She was sitting on the couch and seemed completely fine, except she didn't look happy to see me. She said that she was feeling much better and thanked him for coming and saving her life and then we left.

DH says she claimed she couldn't breathe, which was making her dizzy. He didn't do anything to help her, just chatted with her for a bit and she was miraculously cured.