Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

[devonsmummy]

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

[devonsmummy]

Still none the wiser as to how he found out.
I've logged onto online banking using shared password & my new account doesn't show from there
I've been deleting browser history daily
I'm using my phone to post on here & it never leaves my side.

[whitsernam]

I am so relieved to hear your brother's response!!! You do need family on your side. I've been worrying about you, and knowing you have a place to go if you want it is fabulous. Please don't wait for things to spiral out of control. If you can get out and get help before it's an emergency, you'll all be better off for it.

Wishing you the best, and a good night's sleep!!

[Crazyex]

I used to get mails from my credit report subscription even if exh took out another credit card because the addresses were linked so that might be how he knows.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

OP for you. You have recognised you are in an abusive situation and are making plans to leave it.

Please take care of you and yours - ignore the posters berating you and please look after yourself. When a woman tries to leave an abusive, violent partner is, statistically speaking, a dangerous time and you need to be aware that violence can often escalate, and be ready for it. Plan your escape now - have your papers/documents/an emergency bag packed.

For the, er, more aggressive posters here - holding a woman responsible "because why didn't she leave" is a pernicious and subtle form of victim blaming that is rife in society - and should be avoided on threads like these.

[mindlessmama]

2 things Devon,
I don't have a clue who you are but feel so proud of you for taking the first steps and seeking help.
Secondly, you are an exceptionally brave and couragous person. Well done!
Praying and hoping you and dcs are safe soon.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

I do think it's important if you can figure out how he knows about it. Is he using a key stroke programme on your computer? Thing is, if he can find out that, he may be able to find your other things as well.

[mainamow]

Devons, you need to be very careful with your DH as he is not stupid. I think I would answer this: I need this account because as a SAHM I feel very dependent. Having a separate banking account will give me some independence. I know I can use money from a shared account but it would be so much nicer if I'd just buy a oresent using money from my account. Lots of couples have separate bank acc-nts and do not make a big deal out of it. I opened it in secret because I knew how you would react and I didn't want to have more arguments as this is no good for our family's wellbeing.
Of course he will ask about where you will get money from. Say drom the chikd benefit. Actually did you not transfer it to your account from your joint one? That is probably why he guessed about yr account.
Stupid phone. Cannot correct the mistakes.
I have separate account. I get CB into it. Feels so much better. I am looking for jobs and this tiny ammount feels like a lot because i hate my financial dependance on my DH.
Good luck.

[mainamow]

Also, if asks why did you open it soon after our fight, you could say, because youbthink you would treat me better had I have my own money. I have always wanted to open it. Now I have it and leave me alone. It is noy a crime to have a aeoarate bank account.
An innocent talk is the best. X

[blancminge]

When I open a new account it shows up on the credit-checking website Experian. Could it possibly be that?

[AdoraBell]

I'm really glad that your brother responded the way he did.

[cloudskitchen]

Glad you came back Devons. Please keep us posted. Lots of people worried about you and wanting the best for you x

[hollyisalovelyname]

He not talking to you - be careful. The calm before the storm.
Is your brother nearby ?

[Tuhlulah]

The bastard probably knows you're really scared, and is loving it. The living in dread must be so terrible for you.

Take care. Be brave.

If I knew how to use those emoticon things I would do you a bunch of flowers but will have to make do with a X.

[FestiveEdition]

So pleased you came back OP.
Lots of support here for you, but am very very pleased to hear about your brother being there for you. It is a big help if you know you have someone to go to.

Talking to WA tomorrow will be great to help you re-establish perspective after your scare tonight. FWIW, I think it would be a good idea to think about making your timeline plan a bit faster than perhaps you had thought, but the one really important thing is that you keep yourself safe ....and take it at whatever speed is going to keep you that way.


Its very very hard, but there is light at the end of this tunnel.,

[BobaFetaCheese]

Best of luck, hope your phone call tomorrow goes well. x

Does he know someone that works for your bank/anyway of accessing bank information professionally?
My abusive ex worked for a mobile phone company and he would track not only my calls/texts but those of all my friends/family (my next boyfriend got a missed call from him 2 years after we had broken up)!

Also, I had a new credit card sent recorded delivery once, could he have picked up a 'sorry we missed you' postie card & picked up something from the sorting office?

Is your username one of your DC's names? If it is, it's quiet unusual so it might be worth namechanging & seeing if MN will change your previous posts.

[Ruprekt]

Take care DM and remember there is lots of support for you.

[IfIDontKnowAndYouDontKnow]

Glad you came back OP.

Well done for confiding in your DB. Do you know where you are going to go from here? It's hard, I know. I think you are making the right choices though.

for you

[Mellowandfruitful]

Maybe he noticed the child benefit hadn't come through to the usual account, rang them and they told him it had been changed? I don't know how they handle such things.

So glad your brother is there for you. Please think seriously about taking him up on his offer sooner rather than later. The mortgage can be dealt with all in good time but you and your DC need to be safe.

[Immenowithink]

From experience delete all your mobile Internet history too. My ex did follow me onto here by looking at my phone, something I never thought possible. ... why would he look at my phone? Only he had to much to hide on his phone and was projecting onto me. Don't want to scare you but to warn you. Hope you're ok x

[CanucksoontobeinLondon]

That is really awesome that your DB is being supportive. Finally a bit of good news! Can you stash a bag at your DB's house so if you have to leave in a hurry, you're not leaving with just the clothes on your back?

[dustarr73]

Delighted you came back op.How far does your brother live,can you go to your brothers tomorrow and leave from there to Womens Aid.Or at least drop your bag there.
We are all here rooting for you and hoping you leave sooner rather than later

[Mumbrage]

So glad you have a place to go.

Your head is shifting from one reality to another. It's not just a simple click of the fingers to accept change. It's well known that change, even for the better, can often be hard! and yet you're making plans, being honest with your brother, you have a place to go lined up, you are being very pro-active.

My x had a key logger on the old pc as well. At the time that made me angry and feel so 'invaded' and even more abused and violated, but now, I think, my god, he had it right there in front of him, my honest account of how distressed and unhappy I was with him, because of him, and still he wanted to prevent me leaving. So, in the passing of time it actually doesn't matter to me if he had read my thoughts. BUT for now, yes, just communicate with mn on your phone. You'd be amazed how text book these guys are. Controlling, tick, physically abusive tick, verbally abusive tick??? I can almost predict the next chapter. They're all so alike. Key logger?? well whaddya know.....

[garlicbutter]

Well done on talking to your brother and Womens Aid, devons! It can be a bit scary to 'make it real' by talking about it, but, well, it is real. So good to know you have somewhere to run if needed :)

Wishing you continued strength and support.