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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

204 replies

devonsmummy · 11/11/2013 12:49

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 11/11/2013 13:03

Could you say you went n the bank for something and they pressed you into opening one? You know they're always trying to sell you all sorts of shit / policies / accounts / products in the bank aren't they?

TheAlyssWithTheMewlingQuim · 11/11/2013 13:03

Say it's for id for the library?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/11/2013 13:03

I would also suggest you leave now. He could well become violent when he returns.

Mumbrage · 11/11/2013 13:03

Oh sorry. Sorry sorry. He knows already. :-/
My plans were rumbled too. It is incredibly hard to plan to go. Very hard. I hope you are ok.

devonsmummy · 11/11/2013 13:04

Parents not in country so that won't work either.
I'm pretty certain he won't be violent - I think more likely to just keep badgering for an answer.
I thought I'd done so well... I set it up 2 weeks ago

OP posts:
Spirulina · 11/11/2013 13:04

op you know he wont leave it......you said so yourself. he knows now,he knows you plan to leave....this is the most dangerous time for a woman in a dv relationship.....womens aid will confirm this.....ring them and get out of there today.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/11/2013 13:04

And open a building society account with just a book, and online statements, and make sure its a bank he has no accounts at

And good luck xxx

Spirulina · 11/11/2013 13:05

did you think he'd be violent to you when you married him? got pregnant? no....so you cant be fairly sure he wont be later either....

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/11/2013 13:05

"I'm pretty certain he won't be violent"

You cannot assume anything. You are already frightened of his reaction over a bank account set up in your name.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/11/2013 13:05

OP say what I said at 13:03. Say they bamboozled you and you didn't really understand what they were saying and signed something...

Mumbrage · 11/11/2013 13:05

Good idea from bitoutofpractice I know I got £100 once for opening an account. Well, it was £100 in six months, and they opened the account with an overdraft facility! so, bit of a honeytrap from the bank,but these offers are made.

ABitterPIL · 11/11/2013 13:05

If you really cant leave now try to find out how he knows. He could be tracking you with spyware on ypur pc. If he is then ypu need a safer method of making your escape plans.

BuzzardBird · 11/11/2013 13:06

You could say that you are so worried that is something ever happened to you (like, I don't know, getting assaulted by a violent husband) that your DC's needed to be looked after and a separate bank account was just one of the things you have been advised to do?

cloudskitchen · 11/11/2013 13:06

Tell him it's a savings account for ds. Or that you were caught off guard by the bank when you were in there/on the phone to them and they "sold" it to you as it has higher interest rate - you know what banks are like. You go in to pay a cheque in and they try and flog you their grandma Wink

PedantMarina · 11/11/2013 13:06

Does anybody have a link to the previous thread, please?

But I'm beginning to agree with others - get out sooner rather than later.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/11/2013 13:06

He would have found out you transferred the child benefit anyway surely? The first time it's not paid into the joint account he'll know you transferred it.

The bank must have rang him, them for some reason. Although that's odd.

devonsmummy · 11/11/2013 13:07

Would a new account better my credit rating?

OP posts:
Tiredemma · 11/11/2013 13:08

Your new account would show on your credit report, so yes- it could be used to improve rating.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/11/2013 13:08

YOu'd have to have some incoming money to open the account...that was the only one you could think of

OP you need to start accelerating your plans Sad

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 11/11/2013 13:08

Do you have a group of friends who you could say are all entering into a lottery sy;dicate? Id imagine for that, a separate account would be necessary.

cloudskitchen · 11/11/2013 13:09

It might do as its your own credit history. Even if it doesn't you can say you thought it would. Whatever you say keep it simple and stick to it. And get out of there asap!

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 11/11/2013 13:09

"They were offering a £25 M&S voucher and I wanted a new pair of shoes/bra/whatever"

Would that do ?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 11/11/2013 13:10

If you've transferred child benefit to the account how about saying it's a separate account to buy things for the DC (as not easy to have one in their name is it ?) This will probably seem more likely than secret accounts for XMas pressies if your family is anything like ours (we don't do big pressies for one thing)
Good luck and keep safe x

devonsmummy · 11/11/2013 13:10

I'm mrs cautious with signing anything - and he knows this
I'd never sign up for anything on the spot.
Stupidly I opened the account with the bank we're with (idiot!)
Fuck fuck fuck !

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/11/2013 13:10

Why are you worried about your credit rating when you're in a situation where you are 'shitting yourself'?