Shit! 'H' found out I've opened a bank account

[devonsmummy]

He was verbally & physically abusive to me & ds a couple of weeks ago.
I want to leave but am a sahm in a jointly mortgaged property.
The only appointment the women's centre had was during half term so couldn't take it.
I've set up a bank account( as all I had was a joint account)
I don't know how he found out, but H phoned this morning & asked why I had a new account.
I was caught off guard & said because I wanted my own.
He's called again saying ' I don't understand why you need an account ' I cut the call short as just leaving for school run.
How do I make it seem innocent & not an account to use when I fell him its over?
I'm actually shitting myself about him coming home later as I know he won't leave it

[Tuhlulah]

I can't see how she can say it's a savings account for DS when she has already said it's because she wanted one.

Is there a reason why he should assume it's because she wants to leave him?

And if he has accessed MumsNet and knows her username then he is reading all this anyway. If there is any possibility of this then OP needs to leave now.

[BuzzardBird]

I would try to be as honest as you can to an abuser, they can smell a lie a mile off and it makes things worse. There is nothing wrong with saying that you are scared for your child and you want him to be looked after should anything happen to you. This would be a true statement and completely understandable given what has happened.

[garlicbutter]

Agree with Tuhlulah: Appear to concede. Tell him you don't need one, but that you wanted one, but that if he doesn't feel happy about it you will just close it, or he can see your statements. Then open a different account.

Of course he will see the CB going missing. Could this be how he found out? I also feel you are in danger - have you spoken to Women's Aid? They have the experience to forecast what will happen next, and additional resources to help you make your escape.

Wishing you well.

[TheSmallPrint]

If the account is with the same bank as your joint account then it will probably show up on his online banking. I know my joint account and my personal account are visible on there.

[DowntonTrout]

Is it the child allowance? Has he noticed it has not been paid in or has there been a notification letter about changing the account it is paid into?

I would not be giving other excuses, as it will trip you up. If you are having the CA paid into the new account, say so. Say that it is because it is getting "lost" in the household expenses from your joint account so you have swapped it.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Cogito she's not worried about her credit rating your narna - she's trying to come up with a reason why she opened the account that her H will believe!

[devonsmummy]

Not enough friends for a lottery syndicate

[DowntonTrout]

Is it the child allowance? Has he noticed it has not been paid in or has there been a notification letter about changing the account it is paid into?

I would not be giving other excuses, as it will trip you up. If you are having the CA paid into the new account, say so. Say that it is because it is getting "lost" in the household expenses from your joint account so you have swapped it.

[DowntonTrout]

Double post- sorry.

[Mumbrage]

Yes, keep it simple. I wanted an account. Why? thought it mgiht improve my credit rating, but really I wanted one.
will there be a court case, him the barrister, cross-examining you endlessly. God love you, i odn't miss that shit.

[Tiredemma]

If you told him that you opened it after he was abusive to you and you had planned to leave- whats he likely to do?


would he attack you again?

If you really believe that he wouldnt then you have nothing to lose by being honest and saying you had planned to leave.

If he is likely to abuse you again then now is your chance to go- regardless of whether you have £££ saved or not. Get to a refuge.

[cloudskitchen]

Your parents wanted to tranfer some money for you to look after for them and you didn't want it getting mixed up with household finances? You forgot to mention as they changed their mind.

Cognito she's not worried about her credit history, just needed an excuse.

[devonsmummy]

Cb not gone into new account yet
He isn't in top of money in & out - just sees the balance
I'm thinking - improve credit score may work. He's mentioned moving lately but we can't financially do it - so this may just convince him.

[GeekLovesANYFUCKER]

I am sure if there are any local MNetters they would be willling to get you and DCs out of there in an emergency if they know your rough whereabouts. Don't give away your exact location though but I am scared for you.

[cloudskitchen]

Go with that. Tell him if he's not happy you'll close it and then start one somewhere else when he's forgotten. I hope you get out soon Devons x

[devonsmummy]

Not that I have any intention of buying another property with him

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I wouldn't talk about planning to leave, I think that's a bad idea.
But yes, keep it simple and fairly honest that you decided to open an account for the DC for "their" child benefit.

[MisForMumNotMaid]

Set up more, say you're doing it for the incentives. Also suggest changing the joint bank account elsewhere for incentive. The spare cash around will no doubt help.

On a personal note I set up a seperate account with the same bank as XH. When he walked out I froze the joint account. Bank messed up, froze both then reissued him with cards but not me. Took a while to sort out.

Deffinately worth doing it with a seperate bank.

read this its the current bank accounts offering deals.

[Lancelottie]

Can you get surly?

'Why not? What's your problem with me having an account for the kids' stuff? It's what everyone does, having separate accounts for savings and things. Why do you make such a big deal out of everything?'

Or is that dangerous?

[CiderwithBuda]

How did he find out? That is important.

You could say you opened it to save a bit every month so that you have money for Xmas every year and were planning on putting in x amount per month.

[Tuhlulah]

Agree about child allowance - you think it is getting lost in household expenses and you'd like to set it aside for school trips or special expenses, or even to save up for DS (if you don't need to spent it).

But also agree with Downton -keep it simple. No big lie to trip you up, and if he argues you down just accede and say, yes, now he puts it like that you can see it wasn't such a good idea or necessary.

My dear lady, you cannot live like this. You and your children are under siege.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

If he accuses you of setting up an escape fund, tell him you would not have used the same bank.

First purchase:your own laptop with a fingerprint lock.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

OP - the only plausible way for you deal with this is Tallulah's suggestion. I would also guess that he's onto you. Two weeks ago he was violent to you and ds - and then you open your own bank account, in secret. Do you know how he found out? He's likely to suspect you're asserting your independence/ preparing to leave.

What happened when he was violent two weeks ago? Were the police called?

[Spirulina]

stop messing about op....he's been violent to both you and your child? stop looking for excuses for him now,he's already rung you twice,if you had a valid reason for a new account you would've told him then and there. add something new in now and it will heighten his suspicions

[Mumbrage]

Agree with Tallulah's advice for right now, and also that you can't live like this.