Do people seriously think that getting angry at someone who is already in a vulnerable position and telling them they are complicit in child abuse is going to make them sit up and leave the situation? Or scaring them about the number of women who are killed/that shoving will lead to punches and kicks and so on?
From what op is saying it sounds as if this was low-level violence, no not acceptable by any means and certainly good grounds for leaving the relationship but not a situation where the op is currently in fear for her life or that of her children. Even the likes of women’s aid urge people in abusive relationships to take steps in order to leave rather than taking compulsive steps such as changing locks which may actually put them in greater danger.
Chaging the locks is a bad idea and would be ill advised. If the op locked her h out of the house she would be told by the police to let him back in as this is the marital home and he has the right to be there, especially given the op hasn’t made any allegations against him previously. I speak from experience (not mine but that of a friend). But equally talking about child abuse and social services isn’t helpful either. Many, many people are in abusive relationships, either physical or emotional, and SS certainly don’t come down on them like a ton of bricks or brand them child abusers. Yes if the abuse is such that the authorities become involved then ss would also be informed, but the op is putting steps in place to leave this relationship, she doesn’t need the fear of ss being thrown at her in order to satisfy some posters’ desire for it to happen when they want rather than when op is ready.
Op, if you want to leave the relationship, is there any other reason other than your ds’ birthday why you are biding your time? There’s never an easy time for children to have their parents split up, but as time goes on they do ultimately come to terms with it, and if it happens over an important event such as a birthday there will be other birthdays that will take the place of the one which spelled the end of their parents’ marriage. Children are resilliant, and they will bounce back from this and go on to have happy childhoods.
If you’ve changed the child benefit into your own account
Then your h is going to notice, especially if he’s found out that you have your own bank account, so I’m presuming you are planning to leave sooner rather than later, in which case what plan do you have for leaving?