He was fucking lying...

[ScarletLady02]

Some users on here are going to say "I told you so" but I said I'd hold my hands up if I found out he was lying to me.

He cheated on me with my best friend. He looked me square in my face and told me afterwards it made him feel sick and he would cut all contact with her.

He's been telling her he loves her and he left me for her.

I am literally shaking with rage as I type this.

Morning everyone....feel a bit calmer today. He came round earlier and apologised for shouting, for what it's worth. He's staying with a friend who I know and who I think will be good for him.

Apparently she's telling him she didn't say any of those things to me and I'm making it all up, she's deleted all the messages and stuff from her wall. Well that's what he says anyway (although I know she's deleted the stuff from her wall because I went to show it to him). I have now blocked her. I just don't know who or what to believe any more. Another mutual friend has stuck herself right in the middle and told people things I've told her in confidence so now I feel like I can't talk to anyone about anything. That's all blown up in my face as well (not from him...she's been talking to the OW).

I know we're broken...I know I can't fix it, and I shouldn't have to. He's going to the hospital later and doesn't want any contact from anyone which is fine...if anything it's good for me. Hopefully he will be in a state that is OK for DD when he comes out. She misses him terribly.

I have a friend coming round in a bit who is nothing to do with any of them, what I feel terrible about is I pushed her out a bit in favour of these newer friends...I feel really bad about that. She doesn't know much yet, only that me and DH have split up.

You really need to put a stop to him dropping round your house. Start getting him to see DD out of the house and with no need to see you at handovers.

Look, you'll never get to the bottom of who said what to whom, but FFS stay away from people who post their intimate lives on FB walls. And yes, stop talking to these 'mutual friends' who are probably enjoying the drama of it all and are of the same ilk as these Facebook incontinents. All you can be sure of is that he lied to you and she did too. Any further lies are irrelevant really.

Disengage and stay away from the lot of them. Apologise to your friend if you shut her out in favour of these drama llamas. She'll appreciate your acknowledgement of that and will respect you more for being big enough to say sorry.

Please put in some boundaries where he's concerned. After all the advice last night, you really shouldn't have let him in.

Withdraw, disengage. It's the only way to get better.

He wanted to see DD, it put me on the spot, he also needed to pick up some paperwork (I know I know...still with the excuses...give me time). I do actually feel stronger now, sounds silly. I didn't feel how I thought I would when I saw him. I'm cutting all these "friends" out. I've blocked them on facebook and deleted their numbers. I'm very vulnerable, I know that, and only want people around me who I actually trust at the minute. He isn't one of them.

The friends I have now two years on mostly haven't even met him and its so freeing not to have joints memories, I can be me and not just H and?

step away and don't discuss he will be enjoying the drama and don't let him in anymore.

Just had a call from the therapist my GP referred me to. I have an assessment next week to find out what treatment will be best for me. I'm so glad I don't have to wait ages, hopefully this should help.

It takes time to create a new habit, but do it you must.

He can see DD on neutral premises and you can pop any paperwork in an envelope. He'll need to move any of his stuff out at some point soon anyway, but you don't have to be there when he does that if a trusted friend or relative is willing to be in the house at the same time or you trust him not to snoop or steal the family silver.

Good news about the therapy

I'm a great believer in small shafts of light being sent to show you that life is looking up.

He doesn't really have any neutral premises at the moment, that's the problem. The weather's shit or he'd take her out more. He did got for a walk with her earlier to give me a break.

He's not really looking much past hospital at the moment which I can understand. They'll help him get a place of his own and then things will be much easier.

It doesn't rain in cafes or soft play areas. It doesn't even rain every day and when wrapped up, cold fresh air harms no-one. Stop making excuses for him. He doesn't need premises and these contact periods should be short to begin with, especially as he's unwell. Getting his own accommodation might take a long time. Enforce these boundaries and start as you mean to go on. You've got to stop seeing him. Achieve that any way you can.

I know you want to see him and that's why you want to find excuses for still doing it. But it won't wean you off him if you keep doing it.

I know...I'm trying to listen, I really am. It's getting there slowly. I don't particularly want to see him at all at the moment. It just stresses me out and I'm tired of it. I just need to break the habit of trying to help him.

And I just want to say DD is being brilliant today...she's making me laugh pretending to be a pirate and saying a bicycle pump is her telescope (She's nearly 3). She keeps calling me a Silly Billy for crying.

DD sounds lovely, I took me weeks maybe even months to realise that I shouldn't see H every day, although I always had a good excuse so it seemed I had to . But when I finally stopped seeing him it did become much easier. Just be aware that it will be best for you and when you are ready you will take steps to make it happen, It can't all happen at other peoples pace, it will be best for you at your own pace.

She is lovely...that's what I need to hold on to.

HOld on tight to the good and the bad will vanish in timex

She's now playing with a tiny spider...he's having a cup of tea apparently. Nice to see I haven't passed my irrational hatred of the eight-legged beasties on to her

She sounds great .

You've done the right thing cutting out all the people who drag you down. The rule for me is that if someone is making you more sad than happy, the relationship/friendship needs to end.

In a year from now you'll have a new life and new friends, and this will all seem like a distant memory.

My friend's just livid. She's absolutely livid about it all and has said exactly what you've all been saying. She's coming round tomorrow with lunch, I can't believe I didn't see her for what she was...a REAL friend.

Sorry that was meant to say "My friend's just LEFT".

Am glad you have a RL someone totally on your side.

scarlet so pleased you have renewed this friendship. That sounds more like it

Thanks, you really don't understand how much you've all helped me through the last 48 hours or so. I love you guys x

love you toox

mwah backatcha

Oh my word....did I just get a kiss from ScaryFucker?

I feel blessed

Aaaaargh I'm a bit confused. I have a male friend whom I love dearly but I fear has always had a bit of a thing for me...I've known him for about 10 years. He keeps texting me asking if I'm OK, and wanting to come round. I care about him a lot, but I don't want to get into anything complicated with him. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. He was there for me a lot when I split with my ex, and never tried anything, but I've heard from many people that he's got a soft spot for me.

I have felt blessed by this thread today as well. Aren't we luckyx I'm afraid I'd be very wary of a man who keeps texting and wanting to come over. I'd wait a bit until you feel a bit stronger? But then what do I know?