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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He was fucking lying...

205 replies

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 15:46

Some users on here are going to say "I told you so" but I said I'd hold my hands up if I found out he was lying to me.

He cheated on me with my best friend. He looked me square in my face and told me afterwards it made him feel sick and he would cut all contact with her.

He's been telling her he loves her and he left me for her.

I am literally shaking with rage as I type this.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 16/10/2013 17:11

How long will it be until he's released?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/10/2013 17:11

I suspect you're as angry at yourself for being shown up as a fool as you are angry at him for lying. Once the immediate shock wears off try to retain some of that indignant fury. It'll make recovery a lot quicker. Good luck

lunar1 · 16/10/2013 17:16

I remember your last thread I think, I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 17:44

I don't know Vivacia, I called them about an hour ago and they said it would be a couple of hours. If he's out before DD's bedtime he might try and come here before he goes anywhere else. Despite all his faults he loves DD and will want to see her. He has no clue that I've heard all this.

And you're right Cogito - I feel like a mug. I really do

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 17:47

Oh God, I don't even know why I posted that...I was in the middle of writing it and he showed up. I texted him so he'd get it when he got his phone back, telling him I knew. He's just been here and he blew up at me. He says she's lying and she's been saying she loves him and wants him to stay but he said he couldn't be around her because he wants to be with me.

I haven't got a clue what to believe. It's such a fucking mess, I can't hold it together.

OP posts:
Thisisaeuphemism · 16/10/2013 17:49

They are behaving terribly scarlet, don't listen to him, you felt so much stronger the other day planning your future as a great single mum. Keep focused on that. He has been messing with your head for ages.

MoreThanWords · 16/10/2013 17:50

Have you established where he put as the bail address?

I'm so sorry you've having to go through this.

Vivacia · 16/10/2013 17:51

I agree with Euphemism this is all messing with your head. It's ok to ask for space and time to gather your thoughts.

You can hold it together. You can.

Meerka · 16/10/2013 17:51

Don't think anyone expects a punch in the face out of the blue from someone they've trusted, loved, and made a daughter with. Nor from a best friend!

Not everyone is like that. Honest. There are a lot of people out there who have integrity and decency. I suspect you're in shock atm, please take as much care of yourself as you can. Might find yourself wandering like a lost ghost tonight. Any chance of a good family member or a true friend coming over?

mcmooncup · 16/10/2013 17:55

It all sounds like a terrible drama.

Time to go cold turkey and find some peace OP. i.e. cut all the contact and gather your thoughts.

kinkyfuckery · 16/10/2013 17:56

He is lying. If he were telling the truth, why did he get so cross at what you were accusing him of?

Better off without.

Meerka · 16/10/2013 17:56

Seeing as he's violent - are you and your daughter safe??

If nothing else, he's just been released on bail for beating someone up. You do not need a man without self control in your house tonight, who gets carried away and sleeps with your best friend and hits other people. Or any other night.

I think you need them both out of your life, both of them are poison for you.

mummytime · 16/10/2013 17:57

At present of course you don't know who to believe. But give yourself space without either of them.

If he really wants to make it up to you he needs to give you at least a month of no contact to get your head together. Also refuse to have any contact from her. Tell others not to bring up the subject to you.

Then take time to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Also find out everything you need practically. See a Solicitor just to know where you stand. Talk to your GP and see if you can get counselling.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 17:59

He won't hurt us. I know that much about him.

I just feel ripped in a million directions.

He used her address because he had a sleeping tablet on him, one his mate had given him as he hadn't been sleeping (I know this to be true) and he didn't want me to have to deal with a possible police raid. Well that's what he says anyway.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 16/10/2013 18:01

That's a laughably poor excuse.

TeaAndSconesTwice · 16/10/2013 18:03

What a ridiculous excuse, a police raid? From a sleeping tablet? Since when did things like this ever happen!

Best thing you can do is cut all this ballshit out and try to move on with your life, he is obviously a liar.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 18:03

I wish I could stop caring about him...I don't know how. I just feel broken.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 16/10/2013 18:05

So sorry Scarlet.

I thought he was lying from your last thread. I know it is hard to see from the 'inside' but it usually comes into the light eventually.

Personally, I wouldn't trust anything he says and him blowing up at you is typical of a person who is on the defensive.

He fought her EX? that doesn't sound like something someone who wasn't interested in her would do tbh.

You are not a mug, you are just of a higher caliber than they are. When you are a decent person it is easy to presume everyone else is. They have shown themselves in this. You deserve better.

Thisisaeuphemism · 16/10/2013 18:07

My god the man is a compulsive liar.

You really need to detach from him. He is your child's father but he is no longer your partner. Life will be soooo much better without him and his drama.

AmberLeaf · 16/10/2013 18:10

You will stop caring about him. You need to see this for what it is and get angry at him first though. The best way to do that is to look at what he does and not what he says

JaceyBee · 16/10/2013 18:11

A fucking sleeping tablet??!! Is he for real??!! That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Love, he's bullshitting you! Plain and simple. You may not be able to stop caring for him but you can sure as hell stop letting him take you for a mug. You're better than this!

PedantMarina · 16/10/2013 18:14

Can anybody please link to the last thread?

Vivacia · 16/10/2013 18:16

You don't have to turn your caring feelings off. You just need to not act on them. If that makes sense?

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 18:16

To be completely fair, it's just a tablet, they have to send it to labs for tests because it could be anything, he's been bailed for possession as well until the tests come back (I've seen the paperwork). I know someone who's house was raided after they were found with plant food tablets.

Doesn't mean I believe him, but I'm a not complete idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 18:20

Here it is PedantMarina

There are other going into his mental health, but that's the main one.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1878373-My-world-has-just-fallen-apart

OP posts: