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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

He was fucking lying...

205 replies

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 15:46

Some users on here are going to say "I told you so" but I said I'd hold my hands up if I found out he was lying to me.

He cheated on me with my best friend. He looked me square in my face and told me afterwards it made him feel sick and he would cut all contact with her.

He's been telling her he loves her and he left me for her.

I am literally shaking with rage as I type this.

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Report

lazarusb · 16/10/2013 18:23

Amber has made a good point - why was he fighting with her ex if there was nothing going on between them?

Vivacia · 16/10/2013 18:24

I wouldn't give him the luxury of being completely fair to him.

MillyMillyMe · 16/10/2013 18:25

I remember your thread last week. You had decided that you wanted to be single anyway even though you believed his story. You had said that it was completely over for you. By what you have said here it would seem that you are very very hurt by what the so called friend has told you but as I said to you, there will be lots more to come to light over the next weeks and months. You have to expect the worse from all this.
I think you also need to prepare yourself that they have been doing this Affair for a long time.

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 18:27

Well I'll tell you what he told me, but I don't know how true it is. After his doctors appointment yesterday he went there to get his stuff that had been left from when he stayed there. He was then going to come here and see DD before he went to hospital, I knew all of this was happening. He has a suitcase of stuff there that he needed to get. Her ex was dropping off her daughter and DH was there and he obviously knows what happened between them (he's jealous and abusive as well) and so they had an argument that got out of hand. They were both arrested.

That's what he told me.

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ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 18:28

I had come to terms with the fact we weren't going to be together, I just thought he was being honest and it would be amicable. How wrong I was.

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str8tothepoint · 16/10/2013 18:34

Why after all the shit he has put you through are you even contemplating taking this dickhead back?? You'll end up like this for rest of your life wondering what he's doing is he lying

Meerka · 16/10/2013 18:41

str8to, don't think ScarlettLady has said she's thinking of taking him back unless I missed a post?

Think she is just in serious mental shock atm and Mumsnet is being a friend to her. Whatever the actual facts and events are, even if she ever finds out exactly what happens, I think she knows he's utterly untrustworthy now.

KatieScarlett2833 · 16/10/2013 18:42

This man is either a fantasist (being kind) or thinks you button up the back.

cjel · 16/10/2013 18:49

I understand your shock, but please don't say'to be fair' You have no need to be fair so that he doesn't sound so bad. Live as if everything he tells you is a lie and then you won't be disappointed. He will tell you some truths to try and make his lies more plausible.
Try and get some more food and good company tonight then try and get some sleep.
Concentrate on looking after your needs, not what may or may not be true.

MillyMillyMe · 16/10/2013 18:49

Scarlett just be gentle with yourself. Be prepared to find out sooo much more over the coming weeks. Its hard cause the man who stands in front of you is still the man you love and its all so unreal isn't it. As others have said above, you are in shock from today and in shock from last week and you are just managing to cope. Keep posting and talking to us so at least you are not letting the thoughts and what is said go round and round in your mind, ok.

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 19:07

I wasn't trying to make him look plausible although I can see why it came across like that. I was just stating those facts so it didn't make me look quite so stupid to be honest.

I was thinking of working through things before this, but I honestly didn't think we'd be able to. The trust had gone, even more so now, and I knew I'd never be able to live with that. It's just hard to deal with the fact of the lies that's all. I was always making excuses for him because of his past and I can't do that any more.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 16/10/2013 19:10

You are worth so much more than this. He's taken your love and caring and crapped all over you.
You are a lovely, kind, articulate, smart woman. He is pond life.

cjel · 16/10/2013 19:15

Oh no my lovely you aren't looking stupid at all> I'm sure a lot of us started by believing them - we loved them and trusted them so why wouldn't we? I just didn't want you to feel you needed to explain him

Mellowandfruitful · 16/10/2013 19:17

He has a lot of nerve 'blowing up' at you. All this has come about because of his own deceit and bad behaviour. If his partner-in-deceit is lying about him, he can hardly blame you for that or for listening to it. Tell him you really need space and you want to hear nothing at all from him for the moment. Same for her.

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 19:54

I've calmed down a bit now. DD is in bed and I've taken one of my diazepam (I have them for emergencies).

I've spoken to him, he's not coming back tonight which is a good thing. We both need to calm down. I don't want to be with him, but I want things to be civil for DD. He wants the same.

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Leavenheath · 16/10/2013 19:54

I was on your last thread and I'm not going to come out with that mealy-mouthed stuff about hoping I was wrong. In fact I hoped you'd find out I was right so you wouldn't be tempted to take him back. Despite everything you were saying on that thread, it was obvious you'd relent.

I think you might still actually. But this man is so clearly playing both of you off against eachother and if you believe even one word that comes out of his mouth, within a short while you'll be reuniting and regarding the OW as the common enemy, just like I said on the thread. If you end this now, he'll go to her and will try to recruit her to side with him against you.

I wish I could sit down with you both and tell the pair of you how you're both being manipulated by a lying man. Obviously I'd have stronger words with her because she was having and affair with him and knew he was a liar but still...

You're brave to come back and tell us all this, but now do take the advice and end this thing. Refuse to engage in this bloody drama triangle. The poster on your other thread who shrewdly observed that this was always a sinister triangle was spot on. I know I asked how long you'd known this woman, but you didn't answer till after I'd left the thread.

Hissy · 16/10/2013 19:57

I think you'd really benefit from keeping him and her well away from you.

We'll be here for you lovey! All that fog of liés will just drive you do-lally.

You're worth a billion of the pair of them.

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 20:01

I have no problem admitting I was wrong. Things are done between us. I just want him to be there for DD.

I'm so fucking tired. I feel like I've had the shit kicked out of me.

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KatieScarlett2833 · 16/10/2013 20:03

Go and find something distracting to watch/read with a milky drink (or vodka).
The pills will be kicking in and you need to rest.

cjel · 16/10/2013 20:09

If you are feeling tired then go to bed, The sleep will do you the world of good and your brain will have a good few hours rest.

lazarusb · 16/10/2013 20:10

Of course you feel physically exhausted, not to mention emotionally. Have a warm bubble bath, put on a film, hot chocolate...look after you for a bit. Find a distracting or fun film though - nothing sickly romantic! Actually...maybe something violent would be good

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 20:11

I have no alcohol, probably a good thing with the tablets, I tend to drink more than I should when I drink, especially lately.

Got some trashy telly on. Think I've got hot chocolate somewhere. Haven't eaten much today so just eating something now.

I have a friend coming round tomorrow afternoon with her little girl. Should help take my mind off things.

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ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 20:13

I like zombie films lazarusb I'm not a "chick flick" kinda girl.

Why does love make you an idiot? I love him so much, I don't know how to stop. I wish we'd just stayed friends, there's so much I'm going to miss about "us". I know that sounds silly in the light of everything but our relationship was 95% brilliant. It's going to be hard to say goodbye to that. I will though, I don't think I've got it in me to keep him in my life. It's destroying me mentally. The 5% is so hard.

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ScaryFucker · 16/10/2013 20:17

Scarlet, I am so sorry x

Love, you keep typing the words that it's over between you. I don't think you even believe them yourself.

When you have calmed down, you are going to listen to him again. Just "to be fair to him". And you are going to get sucked in. Again.

ScarletLady02 · 16/10/2013 20:22

I don't know how to stop...I just don't know what to do. You're right, and it's so fucking self-destructive, I just can't help it. What the fuck do I do?

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