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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disastrous date feeling a bit frightened

180 replies

Dearjackie · 30/09/2013 22:47

I went on a second date with someone tonight. We got along so well on both dates I felt at ease with him. I asked if he wanted to come in for a drink when we got to mine making clear it was just for drink

God I feel quite freaked out at the moment and I don't know if I've over- reacted but I didn't feel very safe so had to tell him to leave. He looked quite shocked and said are you serious like he couldn't believe he'd upset me. What is wrong with me can't I trust anyone?

OP posts:
holstenlips · 30/09/2013 22:49

Trust your instincts? And well done for getting him out of your house. Hope youre ok x

ImperialBlether · 30/09/2013 22:53

Good for you.

What was it that made you feel unsafe? Can you think now what it was?

TheCrumpetQueen · 30/09/2013 23:01

Were you frightened of him? Maybe you just sensed something wasn't right. Good for you for telling him to go if so

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 30/09/2013 23:03

Always go with your gut. You did the right thing.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 23:05

What made your spidey senses tingle ?

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 23:05

No one has earnt your trust after a second date. It's always wise to follow your instincts. How he reacts to this will tell you a lot about him.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 23:06

And even if he did nothing wrong, if you din't want him there/changed your mind you are allowed to tell him to leave.

Original poster
Dearjackie · 30/09/2013 23:07

He had a kind of shifty look on his face when in the house. We had a little kiss and talked, then I was suspicious that he was saying things to me just to get me into bed, like he thought he would fall for me if we carried on seeing eachother. I said it felt too soon to sleep with him and he said he be honest with me he also thought it was too soon and went on to tell me about a woman he slept with on the first night who became his GF but he never really liked that she'd done that.

I felt like he then carried on trying to persuade me. He even asked outright if we could just cuddle in bed. I said " but you just agreed its too soon" and he denied having said that at all!,

Final straw was when he asked a couple of times if I was frightened. I said why would I be frightened? I went to the kitchen opened the front door and said you better leave I feel uncomfortable. He looked very shocked and said he was sorry he couldn't quite believe it. He said he meant was I frightened I might fall for him, bearing in mind we'd been talking about our previous relationships

God what a mess did I do right or am I more fucked up in the head than I thought?

OP posts:
JumpingJackSprat · 30/09/2013 23:09

you did the right thing. its creepy that he asked if you were frightened. i would not be seeing him again.

ALittleStranger · 30/09/2013 23:09

FWIW I think you did the right thing. Although I'd have wanted him out the second he started dissing his ex for sleeping with him!

SavoyCabbage · 30/09/2013 23:09

Yes you did right. There isn't a mess, he's gone and you don't need to see him again. He sounds like a twat. Watch some bad TV now. Forget him.

holstenlips · 30/09/2013 23:09

Nope. Youre not fucked up. He may be. Asking if you are frightened would scare the shit out of me. Gut instincts are there for a reason. Try and relax. Im so glad you kicked him out for one.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 30/09/2013 23:10

You absolutely did right. I'd have been freaked out by that. AF is correct, you are allowed to tell him to leave. It is always always better to err on the side of caution OP.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 23:10

I think you did the right thing and he is a creepy fuck. Well done. There is nothing wrong with your head, love.

Mabelface · 30/09/2013 23:10

you did absolutely right. he was a creep and your instincts were spot on.

Patosshades · 30/09/2013 23:12

You're not fucked up at all, sounds like you did the right thing getting him out.

Asking you if you were frightened and then trying to change what he meant by that. GOODBYEEEEEEEEE loser.

IslaValargeone · 30/09/2013 23:12

That made me uncomfortable just reading it.
Glad you trusted your gut, hope you are ok and can unwind.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 30/09/2013 23:15

Well done you did the right thing! Too often we ignore our instincts so as not to appear rude.

Original poster
Dearjackie · 30/09/2013 23:16

I'm feeling scared. He might have meant am I frightened I would fall for him as it came after he said he thought he could fall for me I think. But me saying " it's too soon to sleep with him" should have been enough for him to back off shouldn't it. He was creepy though

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/09/2013 23:17

Well done love! You listened to your instincts and I think you made the write decision.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 30/09/2013 23:18

Without sounding like the voice of doom OP I'm so glad to be reading this than a thread tomorrow saying 'I felt uneasy about my date but I didn't want to ask him to leave and XXXX happened'.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2013 23:19

Yup, how he feels about this is of absolutely zero importance. Don't give it another thought, DJ

feelscared · 30/09/2013 23:19

Shock You so did the right thing. Do not date him again!!

Weird fucker that he is.

AnandaTimeIn · 30/09/2013 23:20

Your intuition was right on. Telling you.

Be thankful and keep listening to it....

piratecat · 30/09/2013 23:20

Maybe you decided to be all normal and also brave by inviting him in, but it wasn't for the right reasons, not deep down.

I think you called it pretty well, cos if it had been right, it would have been right iyswim.