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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AgathaF · 31/10/2013 17:43

Can you get an au pair that will do the household tasks for you in the daytime, leaving you free for what you want to do in the evenings?

springylippy · 02/11/2013 17:04

I genuinely do think you'll cope. You are a monstrously hard worker, it is second nature to you. This is a new chapter and it'll take a while to settle in but, once you do, I feel sure it'll go like clockwork.

As others are saying, once you get your feet under the table at work, you'll be able to tweek things here or there. I'd also get a cleaner - give someone a job! No point you doing it all yourself when you could be giving someone employment: win/win.

As for the tears - par for the course. Let them roll through, lovely xxx

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 02/11/2013 19:53

I have a lady coming round on Wednesday about cleaning my house twice a week. It would of course make life so much easier if some of that is taken away from my pit of responsibility!

I've also realised that I am a person who has such genuine love. And I do genuinely love the person I thought I married. But he writes off the pre marriage stage as a "bubble" but for me that bubble is the real love, what I want to give and receive all the time. Maybe somewhere my actual happy ever after is alive and I will meet them one day. I hope so, I have too much love to live alone forever.

My beautiful baby boy was feeding before and for the first time ever he latched off to give me the biggest grin. My heart melted Smile

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mistlethrush · 02/11/2013 20:00

Its lovely when they do that... sometimes DS used to get the giggles and desperately tried to eat in the middle and kept on having to stop to have a happy squeak.

I do hope the cleaning looks as though it might work out for you - very sensible to get help where you can.

springylippy · 02/11/2013 23:09

I'd have her in every day iiwy

Aw to Caspian's grin. That is just fab. And to mini-mistle's giggling. Babby's eh, best thing ever Smile

vole3 · 03/11/2013 07:00

At least he let go, once DS got interested in the world there were a few episodes of 'nip lash' where he turned his head to see what was going on without letting go.......

He's got his first wobbly tooth this week, how time flies.

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 06/11/2013 14:40

Three and a half weeks until i return to the world of work and getting a bit nervous! I have finished painting and should be back to sleeping in a real bed by Friday night which is very good news for me.

My baby has learned how to reach and grab the hanging toys on his play mat, he's currently chatting away and blowing bubbles at them Smile

Trying to negotiate the joy of mutually acceptable contact between twunt and the baby. It's really not fun. It's like being on a roller coaster in terms of emotions, but I think I've made progress as I have realised that I neither trust, like or respect him. Not in the slightest. So I can't possibly love him. I confided in my mum about everything he did and she actually swore. She said she knows I will be fine because I am one of life's survivors.

Anyway, I'm excited as I am having an actual night out on Friday. Only for a couple of hours, leaving late so all the children are asleep but planning to have as much fun as is possible. That's the plan anyway.

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mistlethrush · 06/11/2013 14:52

Hurrah for a night out to look forward to!

Please don't let your M in too close - but it must be a relief to have even her 'on side'.

Realisations- they are really good and will make it a lot easier for you.

Work - I'm sure that you'll cope - however, I also think that you'll find it rewarding to have some time when you're 'you' rather than 'mum' - as well as being mum too. I'm sure that it will take a weight off your mind in terms of survival too. Just remember though, that if it doesn't work out brilliantly immediately things can change or you can find an alternative that does work better for you.

springytick · 07/11/2013 12:10

Great post mistle, couldn[t have put it better Smile

Glad to hear you're moving on by the sound of it, waves. Im absolutely sure you'll be fine at work.

You have put all the bricks in place and, my dear, you deserve a windfall (mixes metaphors lol) in life. Youve put so much in. I stand in awe tbh Flowers

How lovely to luxuriate in your own bed after a night on the tiles [smile

springytick · 07/11/2013 12:10

No not half a smile, a full smile Smile

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 13/11/2013 13:09

It is brilliant to be sleeping in a bed again! Now I am not doing anymore DIY until next year. Or maybe ever....

My three children are all doing so well and I feel so full of love for them. I am definitely heading towards a happier place. Although I'm feeling increasingly nervous about starting the new job (2 and a half weeks away). I'm sure that breathing deeply and smiling will help.

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lalalonglegs · 13/11/2013 14:34

Hi waves, I've been following your story although not posting that often.

Going back to work will be really difficult and feeling nervous is to be expected. But, apart from the fact that you are obviously very good at what you do (didn't you get offered two jobs within minutes of giving birth?), it will mean more independence and less having to worry about Twunt and the control he has over you. You will feel so much more stable once you have enough money coming in and can plan properly for life without him rather than just trying to make do with the circumstances you've got.

Good luck.

captainmummy · 27/11/2013 08:20

Hi Waves - your new job starts soon? Just wanted to wish you luck and hope the dc are all ok. Ds2 must be 6 months by now ? Smile

oldwomaninashoe · 27/11/2013 08:37

Yes how goes it, been thinking of you!

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 28/11/2013 21:44

Hello, well, it's been a scarily rapid last few weeks of "just being a mum". On Monday I will be starting my new job. DS2 turned 4 months yesterday, and is just so LOVELY. He found his voice earlier this week and now we have the most brilliant chats. I must confess that several days this week I spent all day in pyjamas, just hanging out with the baby, and doing very little else.

Bit terrified of returning to the world of work (and the demands of a very challenging new role), but also proud that I am going to be supporting my gorgeous little trio. AND it turns out that in December pay day is brought forward so I will have money the week before Christmas Grin I am really looking forward to being properly self sufficient, and not having to spend weeks begging for maintenance each month. And just the feeling of security I think that will come from having an income again.

My littlest one isn't always sleeping through, there are the odd nights when he wakes up (this morning I had a far too early alarm call at 4.30am) but usually he is going for 12 hours which is brilliant. He is very handsome so I must put up a recent picture soon.

Today I sang for the expat Thanksgiving day service, and the theme was Hope. I am trying to be very very hopeful about the future, even though I have found myself such a long way away from where I thought I would be. This time last year I had known I was pregnant for just a week, and thought that this year would be very different to what it was.

One thing I know is that I would not be where I am now if it wasn't for MN, and I am really genuinely thankful to everyone for the support during most of this year Thanks

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AndMiffyWentToSleep · 29/11/2013 06:12

Wow time goes so fast!
So glad to hear where you've got to, Waves.
Enjoy your last full time week at home and good luck with the new job!

GoodtoBetter · 29/11/2013 07:20

All the best for the new job waves! xxxx

oldwomaninashoe · 29/11/2013 10:42

Its going to be hard work, but its also going to be brilliant, because you are!
You sound so much more positive. I'm so pleased for you.

WingDefence · 29/11/2013 22:39

I've just refound you waves - best of luck with the new job on Monday! Wine

SuffragetteCity · 29/11/2013 23:25

Waves, you've been on my mind lately, I'm glad to hear that you're in good spirits. I will be thinking wonderful thoughts for you on Monday. Looking forward to hearing how the big change goes and here to cheer you on! Flowers

springytickle · 01/12/2013 10:38

Youre not going to forget this year in a hurry - monumentally crap re we won't even bother to mention; and monumentally wonderful re adding your gorgeous chap to your lovely family Smile .

I wish you the very best on Monday, waves. It is wonderful to hear of you making great strides towards a great life for you all. I have no doubt at all that you will do well in your job.

Merry Christmas [tchsmile]

auntpetunia · 01/12/2013 16:23

I wondered the other day if you'd started your new job yet, hope you have all the support, Childminder, cleaner etc in place to make this a good experience. I wouldn't chase twunt for maintenance just put it all through the courts, I know CSA doesn't apply where you are. Good luck x

Original poster
wavesandsmiles · 04/12/2013 16:04

Day three and I am surviving! although the baby has started waking at around 4.30am so I am rather tired.....

Looking forward to the weekend and being able to stay in pyjamas for a little bit Grin

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wordyBird · 04/12/2013 16:38

Bravo waves! Flowers

WingDefence · 04/12/2013 18:44

Well done waves! Have some Cake for energy :)