Finding the strength to wave goodbye

[wavesandsmiles]

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1813521-Waves-is-determined-to-keep-winning-now-that-Acrobat-has-arrived

Hooray for you Waves!!! That has just made me well up with tears.

Well done. Really, really well done, you strong, brave and wonderful lady.

This is the start of a whole new world and a much happier chapter in your life, which is exactly what you deserve. Wish I could give you a hug!

Muted pom poms here. Way to go girl

Gosh, you've been through it this year eh. I tell you, no-one could have come through that with the aplomb you have; even when you were half dead you kept going. Respect, sister.

Well done waves. You have shown sooo much strength over this past year. Have a virtual hug { }

This is the beginning of the rest of your life :)

Just catching up waves and congrats on the divorce proceedings (as sad as that sounds).

Much love

It is a little sad, but it's the right thing to do. A year ago I was an active JSer, and hoping for the BFP etc (it came in November as it was) and then everything kind of fell apart.

I'm so glad I found MN. What a year it has been. I'm just off to settle my little ones down and probably get a super early night myself. It's been an emotional day.

I remember trying to give you rudimentary relationship advice on the JSing fred (probably grads, I can't remember) but it just shows you how much I know as I probably said it would be fine, amongst other things.

Anyway, I hope you do get a good night's rest without too much whirling around your head.

OH waves, I know it's a mixed blessing but I feel once it's all out of the way and done and dusted, you ARE going to feel so much better. Quite possibly still sad for the "what might have beens" but as someone upthread has said, it wasn't going to happen with Twunt. He was just so much trickery and hot air.

Lots of love and (((hugs))) for you and your adorable children - life is going to get better and better for all of you, you'll see :)

I think Thumbwitch sums it up with the trickery and hot air comment.

I'm sure today has been an emotional day for you, but I think you have done the right thing for you. Your life needs to move on in a positive way, and signing the papers means you are taking charge to achieve that goal.

Good luck OP

What PyroclasticFlo and Thumbwitch said. Hugs.

I reread my previous threads last night. It's not just that he did really bad things, he was so so nasty to me. I guess I'd sort of forgotten all those mean text messages, like when I was in that 3 day latent labour stage, and in the early days with the baby.

I needed to reread all that. It hurt, and I cried again, but I needed to. And you were all so lovely. And still are. 6 weeks now I think until I start the next stage of my life, with my new job. Must make the most of this time being at home.

Yes, it does help to be reminded of how appallingly he treated you. Do you want me to email you the saved earliest threads that have disappeared now? Or have I already done that? (I think maybe I have)

Am so pleased for you that you have a lovely new job and can move forward with your gorgeous children. :)

Enjoy your 6 weeks with your lovely DC, keep No contact, and start the rest of your life. Good luck x

Mr Waves - if you are still reading this thread - you are a despicable heartless bottom dweller

Well done Waves, for realising that, everything else aside, he did you so much harm, and that you are better off without him.

No contact probably sounds terrifying but I'm absolutely sure it's the best way to go. It helps you to build your strength.

FWIW I had a dreadfully toxic relationship with a bloke many years ago, and I was lucky enough that I had a kind of road to Damascus moment of clarity in which it suddenly dawned on me that I was being treated like shit, and that I deserved better. I actually laughed out loud, because it had taken a long time for the penny to drop. But once it does, there's no going back. Well done, my lovely, for realising that you, too, deserve so much better and that you will NOT put up with that kind of treatment any more, no matter what anyone says.

All of your DC, especially little Caspian, will thank you for it. You are being so strong and doing what is best for you all. Have a great big virtual {{{ hug }}} from me.

xxx

Hoping all is well with you

Have just caught up with all of this, what a journey Waves! I hope you are doing well xx

Just been away for a week, hope all is going well.

Hi everyone. I'm still doing ok. The divorce petition was served last week and the countdown is now on. I think it is about 3 months til it becomes final.

Sleeping on the sofa whilst trying to redecorate my bedroom and a room for the baby so I have a nice place to collapse in at the end of a busy day once I'm working again (5 weeks today and quite dreading being away from my family so much).

Still breast feeding which makes me happy and the baby had his 100% tongue tie released last week - already feeding is feeling more comfortable which is great .

I have moments of unbearable sadness still, usually once the children are asleep and I've run out of things to do, at least, things I am motivated to do. It's truly awful, painful sadness that gives me a stomach ache. And then all the feelings of betrayal and anger and hurt flood in too.

It will pass in time hey. I remember thinking that about the hyperemesis, but at least I knew that would stop when the baby arrived . This time I don't know when it will end. And I'm a bit worried about money as the redundancy money is pretty much gone and I won't get paid til the end of December but at worst I can try and get another lodger in for a short period at least

Well done Waves, I am still so in awe of your strength of character. And glad that you weren't blown away last night! X

Well done, lovely. You sound in a good place, despite all.

Well done Waves - the fact that you're feeling the sadness is probably a good thing, really. At least you know you're dealing with it all and not in denial or hiding from it behind massive to do lists and unnecessary activity. The only way to the other side of the pain and sadness is to go through it - you can't avoid it or go round it.

You're being so brave and so strong, keep going my lovely.

Bloody tears again. I don't know how I'm going to manage when I start my job. I will be leaving the house 8 each day and not home til after 6 and having to spend every lunch hour dashing off to feed the baby and then working on the computer from home on work things in the evenings and still doing my teaching for an hour most days. And trying to spend time with all the children and cooking and cleaning and washing clothes and supervising homework and making sure everyone is ok. I'm genuinely not going to have a "life" at all.

Please can someone reassure me that I will be able to cope?

waves, you will cope. I know you will. However, 3 months in you will have made yourself so irreplaceable you might be able to see if you can reduce your hours a little.

You will have to let some things slide or get help with them so you can concentrate on the things that really matter - so once the pay check is in, see if you can get someone popping in once a week to hoover for you - or do the ironing or whatever is your least favorite household job, and see if anyone near has a teenager that would like to mow the lawn once a week in the summer for some pocket money.

You will cope because you are an incredibly strong woman who loves her children.

Is it possible to get a cleaner to help with the day to day carnage?