Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please give me some advice re: a 'friend' has been caught looking at child porn.

210 replies

Cantbelievethis · 26/06/2006 10:07

My 'friend' has been my best friend for 28 years, I have trusted him with my children. I was a single parent since my dd was 3 and I was pregnant with my ds, there father had nothing to do with them so I actively encouraged the friendship between him and my kids, I have no real father figure and they needed a father figure in their lives.

A few weeks ago he came round and admitted to being caught looking at child porn, he says it was only the once and he only looked out of a morbid sense of curiosity. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do or say. I have had nothing to do with him since. I have spoken to my children (now adults) and they were shocked too, there is no way (from their reaction) that he has abused either of them.

This morning I have recieved a txt msg, I have an awful feeling he is going to do something stupid, I think he is going to top himself. What do I do? I can't forgive what he has done but he has been my best friend for 28 years, I can't just let him top himself.

OP posts:
StressedKarina · 19/02/2007 18:21

anyway i posted for rhubarb as she remebered me and wondered what happened

gone for a at least a year or whenever he gets sentenced to rant or weep ...see ye all then what joy

Greensleeves · 19/02/2007 18:23

Karina cod is a magistrate and sees a few things most of us would probably prefer not to have to see. I don't think she meant 100 was insignificant, just that the scale of the problem is beyond what most people assume.

I didn't see any jokes or anything flippant.

FluffyMummy123 · 19/02/2007 18:25

Message withdrawn

Spandex · 19/02/2007 18:34

Cod a magistrate? Ha ha ha ha. That explains an awful lot. I always see singularly unhelpful comments from her.

FluffyMummy123 · 19/02/2007 18:35

Message withdrawn

Spandex · 19/02/2007 18:36

Sigh. Like anyone is interested.

FluffyMummy123 · 19/02/2007 18:37

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/02/2007 18:38

Apparently you are. You've wasted the effort in posting.

Greensleeves · 19/02/2007 18:41

Spandex, are you here for any reason other to make unprovoked nasty remarks? Butt out, if not!

Rhubarb · 19/02/2007 22:07

stressedkatrina
I've decided to leave Mumsnet for various reasons but had my attention drawn to this thread. I do remember you and I am glad you thought to update but so so sorry that it has turned out like this. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. You and the OP, my heart really does go out to you both. I don't think anyone can understand how torn and fragile and heartbroken you both are, so the unhelpful posts really are not necessary.

I just wanted to give you both my support and to say that you are both in my thoughts. You are both so brave in writing all this down and I hope that letting it out in this way may help to heal you a little. Take care and keep strong. xx

MejustMe · 20/02/2007 03:30

having read some of these postings. I remember a couple of years ago downloading what i thought was a chitty chitty bang bang- the child catcher, clip. I was trying to find the specific clip for a friends homework (college) when i got it downloaded and sat down to check the quality...it was child porn. Does this make me guilty? not in my opinion as I was looking for something from a film not a porn film of any sorts!!!!

Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 03:58

I'm so sorry this thread has turned nasty, I haven't been on here for a little while, I returned to it because I still haven't heard from the police, as you can see by the time of posting I am not sleeping and I wanted to ask some things.

Cod, (if you read this, it was you I wanted to ask if you could give some advice please) - How do I find out the things I need to know if the police will not talk to me? I don't even know how to find out when the court-case will be, the paper said the case was adjourned until March 3rd when it will commited to the crown court. March 3rd is a Saturday, would this be right, do they hold cases like this on a Saturday? How do I find out when the crown court case will be?

I need to know what the term "Making indecent photographs" means, the police when I phoned them told me they will find out and phone me back but they haven't phoned me or dd. All they did was take 'a sort' of statement from me over the telephone about how long I have known him, the fact that he was very close to my children and he had looked after them hundreds of times, taken hundrends of photographs (some of them in the bath, some running around the garden naked etc) the sort of photo's that most parents take of their children but could be used in a sinister way by the wrong person. Its these photographs that I am concerned about, what if he has used these pictures of my kids like this and posted them all over the internet for people like him to look at? The thought is driving me mad, its the last thing I think of when I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up but the police will not help me by giving me some answers.

I don't want to see the photographs, I just want to know if they are of my children, surely that is not to much to ask? Maybe if we know we can try to put it behind us but until we do know (one way or the other) the 'what ifs' will always be there.

OP posts:
MrsJohnCusack · 20/02/2007 05:52

cantbelievethis, I am so sorry, this is hideous for you

I believe that the offence of 'making' photographs is a debated & unclear point of law: it doesn't neccesarily relate to actually producing indecent photographs, people can also be charged with 'making' photos if they for example download them from the internet and therefore make a copy on the hard disc. It is a higher tariff charge than 'posession' but it doesn't mean that he is neccesarily being charged with actually creating the images. It also seems that actual photographs and 'pseudo-photographs' (i.e. ones that have been digitally manipulated or created) are treated the same.

Obviously, this doesn't help you to know for sure what specifics will come out in the court case, but I thought I would tell you this so that you do know that there is the option that he hasn't actually created any photos, rather he may have downloaded them. It seems that these cases are generally put under the umbrella of the charges you describe, which isn't very bloody helpful to you is it because you still don't know exactly what he's going to be accused of. I am sorry the police aren't telling you more but I wonder if it's because of this whole 'making' confusion.

as for finding out more about when the case is, I found these sites which may be able to help - this one only seems to show the lists for the current day, this one which you need to register for may show more. Or maybe you could phone the court and ask how you would find out.

Good luck and again, really sorry this is happening to you

Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 07:47

MrsJohnCusack, thank you so much, you are right that making indecent photographs can cover alot of different things, but I didn't know that downloading them meant 'making' them. Its a bit of a relief, thank you. Why couldn't the police tell me that?

I'm hopeing now that, that is the case here - not that it makes it ok, it does mean that someone elses child has been abused this way and it breaks my heart.

I think I am going to have to phone the Court, although I am not sure exactly which one it will be held in, maybe the court sevices will be able to point me in the right direction and be more help than the police have been.

Again thank you for taking the trouble to post and put my mind at ease a bit, not sure if this post makes much sense, (lack of sleep) but I am sure you'll understand.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 20/02/2007 07:55

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 20/02/2007 07:56

Message withdrawn

MrsJohnCusack · 20/02/2007 08:11

oh good cod came back - she obv knows a lot more than me
I was a bit hamstrung by not really wanting to google it all that much, what I typed was from memory from something I read not so long ago in relation to some high profile cases which I found very interesting - I think it's very difficult from what you've been told to work out what specifics are going to apply to him. They're not strictly supposed to apply 'making' to downloading and keeping copies I don't think, but it has been done.

either way, I hope you're not kept waiting too much longer.

edam · 20/02/2007 08:13

CBT, if you want to find out when the court dates are, you could always either phone the court itself or call your local paper and ask for the reporter who is covering the case. I think they would confirm the dates of the court hearing without pushing to do a story on you - I would but I'm not a crime reporter. Worth trying - and if the reporter does make you feel uncomfortable, then put the phone down.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 08:15

Thanks for replying cod, according to the paper the 'string of child porn offences' cover several years. It also says that he is being charged with 'the view to distribute indecent photo's'.

Its so hard because I only have what it says in the paper to go on and what he told me when he admitted that he had been arrested for looking at 'illegal web-sites', he told me that the police took away his computers, photographs, Sat-Nav and books.

Do you think if I got a solicitor they would be able to find out more?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 08:18

Thanks edam, I had thought of phoning the paper but thought better of it for exactly that reason, I don't want them to do a story about my children, you can just imagine it can't you?

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 20/02/2007 08:20

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 20/02/2007 08:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 08:22

Good, I hope he does have a long sentence. At least then dd wouldn't have the fear of bumping into him everytime she goes out.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 20/02/2007 08:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Cantbelievethis · 20/02/2007 08:24

Yes cod, he has taken so many photo's over the years of my kids.

He has loked after them while I have been in hospital, he was like a father figure to them.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread