OMG I didn't knwo H AT ALL! Found out really shocking things .....

[Toothache]

Found out from my Mum about a Provident loan he'd taken out and never paid anything towards. He got into major debt trouble before I met him and I spent most of our 6.5yrs together trying to get him out of it so he could get better credit rating etc etc. This loan was after we got together and it was my Mums friend who was the Provident agent. She told my Mum in confidence that her dd's boyfriend had defaulted on a loan. She confronted H who fell apart saying he'd sort and begged my Mum not to tell me! Which she didn't!

It gets way worse

Then last night my friend was staying over and she's got a bit of tearaway boyfriend who dabbles in coke of a weekend. We were out with them at the beginning of May and H had asked him to get him COKE!

H had a coke problem before I met him.... hence the debts! But that was all well before i met him. Anyway.... I've done a lot of thinking and its been staring me in the face. The mood swings..... going mental if questioned why he had take £30 out the bank when he'd said he was taking out a tenner..... disappearing to work for a couple of hours on his day off...... sometimes being so wired that I used to laugh at how much coffee he'd drank! AM I STUPID??????

So as a matter of interest I got my April bank statement and added up all the cash withdrawals that were not me and in a 20 day period he with drew £620!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could never understand how I'd got such a cracking payrise and was still skint.

I've been so stupid. He doesn't know I know. But he's coming up on Tuesday for ds's birthday, we were going to meet him at Pizza Hut and just grit our teeth. But I can't look at him now!!!! OMG HOW COULD HE????????????????

Run Toothy run, and don't stop until you are well clear of him.

Message withdrawn

he always sounded like a sheister, toothy.

Sorry to hear all this - are you separated? Does ds stay with him?

Blimey, you are SO well shot of him, Toothy. What a knob.

He was taking between £20 and £50 per day so I wouldn't notice. I did sometimes and would question him but he would BLOW UP!

But what else ami I going to discover???? What if he's got loans since we were married??????

We are separated as he assaulted me 3 weeks ago.... he's been down wallowing at his folks house 280 miles away since then.... watching the world cup and... well.... snorting coke!

Would you be responsible for defaulted repayments, if he had? I s'pose you would as Next Of Kin?

Oh shit, toothy. I'm so sorry to hear all of this.

keep ALL your records. hang onto the statements and get back ones if you're missing some.

they may come in handy later.

omg as if your worries weren't great enough ! So sorry He really has somm explaining to do now

He didn't have any paper work anyway. All the accounts and, therefore, debts are in my name!!!

He could have financially ruined me! £600 per month!!! OMG!

HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE????? I've been a meal ticket!
I don't think that could have been going on for very long.... I'd have noticed that. Will got back to March and check then.

we've all been there, toothy. how do you think i got how i am?

live and learn.

time to regroup so you can face it all head on.

How do I even begin to bring this up with him??

I DO NOT want him to have access to the kids! Can I request a blood test from him??? How long would coke stay in his system for?

I want him GONE... out of our lives. The kids are fine.

He was also supposed to phone every night which he has been.... but clearly the weekend was more important to him and he hasn't spoke to the kids since Thursday..... despite the fact it was ds's birthday party today.

Message withdrawn

Presumably it wasn't obvious while on holiday so hopefully it won't have gone too far, but does he still have access to your acount ?

toothy

i think you may be able to rewquest a hair strand test (does anyone know?)

i would try to NOT bring it up w/him if he is as volatile as you mentioned in the past, particularly in private.

i think now's the time when you need some legal advice.

i'm sorry you're going thru this - divorce sux! - but i'm Vulcan enough to be the voice of reason.

Oh Toothache this is awful, poor you (and your ds too). I agree with the others, you are undoubtedly better off without him, but I guess that doesn't make things easier does it?

Don't know if you do hugs, but I'm guessing you might need one ((((((hug)))))))

Keep strong (and keep venting on here, it's good for you )

LIZS - He was a different man on holiday. No he can't access my account... well not after I change the pin tomorrow.

He does, however, have a key to the house! If I confront him before he comes up on Tuesday.... and he comes up anyway... whats he going to do????????? >scared

Arse!

Have you made sure he nas no access to your accounts now?

Get the locks changed. It's not that expensive and it'll giv eyou a bit of peace of mind.

can you keep the skeleton key in the lock, toothy?

i hate to say it, but there was a thread on here recently about house keys, and apparently he can enter if his name is on the mortgage.

i honestly would NOT confront him, particularly in the house, given his history of violence.

it's best to get a third party involved - or a fourth or fifth party as well.

if you do decide to confront him, make SURE you have friends/family there as well.

Expat - I need him to know that I know though.... coz I'm going to tell him that we're not meeting him on Tuesday at Pizza Hut. He's driving a long way to come up here for that. And he'll no doubt phone ds tomorrow like nothings happened.

Oh god I don't know what to do!

Thanks Maoiu (I can never get the vowels in the right order in your name without checking first!).

toothy
call your bank's 24 hour line - the one on the back of your switch card for 'lost or stolen' ones, and explain that you have a violent spouse and what can you do?

now.