OMG I didn't knwo H AT ALL! Found out really shocking things .....

[Toothache]

Found out from my Mum about a Provident loan he'd taken out and never paid anything towards. He got into major debt trouble before I met him and I spent most of our 6.5yrs together trying to get him out of it so he could get better credit rating etc etc. This loan was after we got together and it was my Mums friend who was the Provident agent. She told my Mum in confidence that her dd's boyfriend had defaulted on a loan. She confronted H who fell apart saying he'd sort and begged my Mum not to tell me! Which she didn't!

It gets way worse

Then last night my friend was staying over and she's got a bit of tearaway boyfriend who dabbles in coke of a weekend. We were out with them at the beginning of May and H had asked him to get him COKE!

H had a coke problem before I met him.... hence the debts! But that was all well before i met him. Anyway.... I've done a lot of thinking and its been staring me in the face. The mood swings..... going mental if questioned why he had take £30 out the bank when he'd said he was taking out a tenner..... disappearing to work for a couple of hours on his day off...... sometimes being so wired that I used to laugh at how much coffee he'd drank! AM I STUPID??????

So as a matter of interest I got my April bank statement and added up all the cash withdrawals that were not me and in a 20 day period he with drew £620!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could never understand how I'd got such a cracking payrise and was still skint.

I've been so stupid. He doesn't know I know. But he's coming up on Tuesday for ds's birthday, we were going to meet him at Pizza Hut and just grit our teeth. But I can't look at him now!!!! OMG HOW COULD HE????????????????

oh gawd, please be careful toothy

lol Marina! yeah.... its probably costing the tax payer THOUSANDS for them to come to that conclusion... we could save the general public a fortune!

Thanks Beetroot... I'm trying to be.

Toothy I have a police alarm fitted in my house because my X has been so violent and abusive. I have a panic button straight through to the police and they turn up within minutes. Even when there is a false alarm and I ring to apologise they come round in case he has made me ring.

If you are frightened they will fit one for you and it just makes you feel so much safer. When my X comes round now for the kids I hold it in my hands so I am ready if he tried anything and it hsa made him far more wary of coming anywhere near me.

I've actually got an alarm that has a panic button in my bedroom.... I don't think its connected to the police, but sets the house alarm off. Its not activated, but will add that to my list tomorrow!!!!

THe police will come out adn fit it for you if they feel that you are in danger. Just ask to talk to the Domestic Violence officer. They are really nice and very helpful adn the panic button can be taken with you around the house and outside if he comes near.

god Toothy, are you ok? he's such a tool for putting you through all this.

Do call the police about these things tho - you need to have it all documented for the future.

And Toothy - please stick to the terms of the bail.
If he texts, don't reply.

Toothache Blu is absolutely right here. Stick to the bail conditions. Most of the stuff is about setting appropriate boundaries and sticking to them.

My X broke his conditions and wasnt at all nasty or offensive but I got the police to call round and tell him off as I didnt want him starting to think I would let him ever take any liberties with me again and I knew boundaries had been a big issue from day one. He has never ever crossed the line again with me he knew I meant business and the police told him if he did it again he would be arrested and straight to court.

It is so important that although we are really nice people we make sure we behave in consistent ways just as we would with a child. If you have told them not to do something and they do sanctions follow and these type of abusive men need treating in exactly the same way.

Wise words, glitterfairy.

How are things Toothache?

.... and did your ds enjoy his birthday?

Hi folks!

H's sentencing was deferred yesterday until the end of July. Only found out coz I phoned the court. I've no idea where he is and he hasn't tried to contact us. WOOOHOOOOOO!

Was out for drinks after work and am a wee bit merry.

Out tomorrow night with another woman scorned..... just to get chatted up right now would be such a boost to my confidence.

Locks get changed tomorrow by my FAB neighbours!!!

Glad to hear you are ok and that you are going out and enjoying a bit of new found freedom!

I haven't read the whole thread but have you reported him for the assault? If you tell the police he asaulted you and mention that he takes coke they will arrest him and will drug test him at the police station.

Oh God, sorry just seen below.

sorry not had time to read the whole thread..feel so sorry for you and hope things improve. The only advice I would suggest is be careful about how you know about the debts and defaults he's got/had as really the provident lady is wrong in telling you mum. It's client confidentiality and part of the data protection act and she is at risk of loosing her job etc. Be aware that if you tell him you know he may find out how and could take matters further. Obviously this wouldn't affect you but may affect your mums relationship with her friend and her friends future career...

Good luck. xx

Evening folks!
Well last night was a bit of washout in the end. We ended up in a pub neither of us have ever been to. But I heard my cousin was working there so we met up with him.
I was already pretty minced by this point! An hour (and a baaaaaaaad karaoke episode of Like A Virgin) later, I went outside for a cigarette. Left my pal and my cousin chatting..... then hopped in a taxi that turned up for someone else!!!! Have NO IDEA how I managed to tell the driver my address. I left my friend stranded.. .she doesn't know the town very well and didn't even know where to get a taxi. OOOOOPS!

She left a message on my phone crying.

But she got home safely in the end.

Absolutley NO talent was visible. Some guy did try to drag us off to another pub, but even my 18inch thick wine-goggles didn't make him prettier! Ho hum.... maybe next weekend!

PS: Still have heard nothing from H. He's probably topped himself since England got put out the World Cup. Shame.

I am glad you are ok Toothy and that you had a good time! Although leaving your poor mate! I wouldnt have cried I would have sulked!

toothy you horror !

Your poor friend

Still, glad you had a good time.

I can hardly bring myself to type about this anymore. Well he's got nastier. Didn't contact for 5 days then phoned last night saying "Are you going to let me speak to my fucking kids"!!

Obviously he had an auydience and wanted to make it look like I was STOPPING him!!
I told them they were sleeping coz they were ill (fever, sickness ). He didn't believe me. I asked him where he was phoning from. He answered "Is it anything to do with you where I'm fucking phoning from".

I hung up.

He texted me abusive texts until my Dad phoned him. Turns out he was back in Scotland (well there was no football yesterday)... at his pals house. He came around today twice to see the kids. I was at work and the kids were at home with my Brother. He cried... then left.... then came back with cakes... then left.

Clearly he had to be back down in Liverpool for the Germany v Italy game tonight! CAN PEOPLE NOT SEE THROUGH THIS????????

I'm fuming.

Arse

toothy, I really wish I could say something useful.

Bastard .

I refer my honourable friend to my OP

Run Toothy run, and don't stop until you are well clear of him.

What a waste of sperm...........

what an arse.

he sounds like such a nob!

how can he be so aggressive when asking after his children?