OMG I didn't knwo H AT ALL! Found out really shocking things .....

[Toothache]

Found out from my Mum about a Provident loan he'd taken out and never paid anything towards. He got into major debt trouble before I met him and I spent most of our 6.5yrs together trying to get him out of it so he could get better credit rating etc etc. This loan was after we got together and it was my Mums friend who was the Provident agent. She told my Mum in confidence that her dd's boyfriend had defaulted on a loan. She confronted H who fell apart saying he'd sort and begged my Mum not to tell me! Which she didn't!

It gets way worse

Then last night my friend was staying over and she's got a bit of tearaway boyfriend who dabbles in coke of a weekend. We were out with them at the beginning of May and H had asked him to get him COKE!

H had a coke problem before I met him.... hence the debts! But that was all well before i met him. Anyway.... I've done a lot of thinking and its been staring me in the face. The mood swings..... going mental if questioned why he had take £30 out the bank when he'd said he was taking out a tenner..... disappearing to work for a couple of hours on his day off...... sometimes being so wired that I used to laugh at how much coffee he'd drank! AM I STUPID??????

So as a matter of interest I got my April bank statement and added up all the cash withdrawals that were not me and in a 20 day period he with drew £620!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could never understand how I'd got such a cracking payrise and was still skint.

I've been so stupid. He doesn't know I know. But he's coming up on Tuesday for ds's birthday, we were going to meet him at Pizza Hut and just grit our teeth. But I can't look at him now!!!! OMG HOW COULD HE????????????????

I moved house recently and had the locks on the front & back doors changed, the locksmith came out to me within 2 hours, was here about 45mins and charged me £45 all in.

Have just looked it up and apparently coke stays in the system for 12-72 hours after the hit

Past is the past. You can change nothing. You are out of there and all you can do is breathe a sigh of relief that he is not able to do these things to you again. I don't see what a confrontation would achieve. You're not stupid, you left him! Forget about what has happened and concentrate on the future. Good luck!

Expat - He can't come near me or the house by order of the court so I definitely wasn't confronting him here! I meant over the phone whilst he's at folks house.

And he can't enter the house as he's on bail and will get his lying, junky, scouse ass thrown back in jail!!!

I cannot believe my life is this now.

"The average times for these drugs to be undetectable in a urine sample are given below. For blood samples, the times will be approximately 12 - 24 hours less:"

'Past is the past. You can change nothing. You are out of there and all you can do is breathe a sigh of relief that he is not able to do these things to you again.'

The problem is, however, that he may have got her into serious financial trouble AND he should not have unsupervised access to the kids if he has a drug problem.

My vote is still for having a third party raise the issue w/him. Make an excuse for Tuesday - a vomitting bug w/fever, for example.

oh toothy so sorry to hear of your troubles

you deserve better

get the locks changed with another friend or good neighbour so he cant access the house
without forking out for new ones

alert the neighbours that at tthe first sign of trouble to phone the police as he could get violent again
even though i can imagine you really dont want anyone knowing your business but sometimes you just cant help but confide in someone

you wont have to pay back any provvy loan that is not in your name
they cannot even inform you of its existence as it is between him and them
it is now void to be honest as you know about it

you deserve better than this sweetie and hope it all sorts it out very soon
hugs
doormat
xxx

TBH, in your situation I'd only be speaking to him through a solicitor.

i agree, NdP, or thru social services.

dh used to take coke in the speed variety, don't overblow it. If he doesn't take it when the kids are around then they should be ok. I'm not saying coke is fine, but it's not a good reason to deny him his kids.

toothy, i hope you dont mind, but i just asked someone who works for SS about this. do you want to kow what they said?

'I'm not saying coke is fine, but it's not a good reason to deny him his kids. '

Huh?! He assaulted his wife so badly he is on bail! He stole money from her and may have jeopardised his kids' financial stability b/c her money pays for their shelter.

Sorry, but I agree w/Toothy, I would NOT want my kids around some scum back cokehead who stole hundreds of pounds out of his kids' mouths and beat the fuck outta me.

Ok ok! I didn't read the whole thing! Sorry! Then yes, see a solicitor. I don't know what else to add.

I gather he is on bail to stay away from you and your address (he had to get out of the area)
because he beat you up
if that is the case
tell him to stay where he is
and eff off
until he gets his head sorted at the least

expat, I was just typing the same response to Rhuby. Was [shocked] that she'd typed it tbh. Was reading it thinking "OMG, has she read this thread ?", turns out she hadn't !

He tried to strangle Toothy, Rhu. That's why he had to go to jail.

I was linked to it by Sherlock! Sorry! Thought it was just a coke issue, but I remember it all now. Sorry toothy, there seem to be quite a lot of these threads you see and I got mixed up! But I do remember now, honest! You made the right decision when you left him and to save trouble I really wouldn't bring the past up again, just concentrate on the future for you and your kids and mention the coke thing to SS, perhaps asking that he be given access under surveillance?

Right...telephone banking details have been changed and thankfully he hasn't accessed it all... so thats that sorted.

S'ok Rhub!!

Misdee YES PLEASE!!

good, toothy. even little things like this help you feel more in control, a little stronger, too.

you WILL get thru this and come out stronger for it.

'if there is no court order regarding kids, she can stop him seeing the kid. She can ask for hair strand but he doesnt have to agree. If its in court [regarding kids] she needs to go to her lawyer and report all this to him'

thats the basic gist of it.

What a total arse! Stay strong and let him go to hell!

Shit Misdee!
I'll go see my lawyer. I've started the separation process anyway. Got a first bill for £200 on Friday!

if he has been bailed to keep away from her address
he can get arrested if he goes near

Loads of good advise from everyone on here.

Tell him you know and not to bother coming, change the locks and keep your mobile charged and in your pocket at all times. Change your pin/access stuff. Are you children at school/nursery? Have you advised them not to hand them over to him?? Probably a good thing to do if he comes down stoned. Warn neighbours to phone police if they hear any aggro asap.

I believe you can get a letter of disassociation (Spelling) or something similar. Not sure how add it on your list of stuff to talk to a lawyer about. This will mean that the baliffs will have no claim on any of your stuff against his debts.

What a stupid arse!

He's only bailed until sentencing this Thursday. But after speaking to him last week it looks like it'll be adjourned as his paperwork hadn't been sent down from Scotland yet when he went for his 'assessment' at the probation office. They can't sentence him until they have the result of that.

Can anyone tell me what the 'assessment' is assessing????