OMG I didn't knwo H AT ALL! Found out really shocking things .....

[Toothache]

Found out from my Mum about a Provident loan he'd taken out and never paid anything towards. He got into major debt trouble before I met him and I spent most of our 6.5yrs together trying to get him out of it so he could get better credit rating etc etc. This loan was after we got together and it was my Mums friend who was the Provident agent. She told my Mum in confidence that her dd's boyfriend had defaulted on a loan. She confronted H who fell apart saying he'd sort and begged my Mum not to tell me! Which she didn't!

It gets way worse

Then last night my friend was staying over and she's got a bit of tearaway boyfriend who dabbles in coke of a weekend. We were out with them at the beginning of May and H had asked him to get him COKE!

H had a coke problem before I met him.... hence the debts! But that was all well before i met him. Anyway.... I've done a lot of thinking and its been staring me in the face. The mood swings..... going mental if questioned why he had take £30 out the bank when he'd said he was taking out a tenner..... disappearing to work for a couple of hours on his day off...... sometimes being so wired that I used to laugh at how much coffee he'd drank! AM I STUPID??????

So as a matter of interest I got my April bank statement and added up all the cash withdrawals that were not me and in a 20 day period he with drew £620!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could never understand how I'd got such a cracking payrise and was still skint.

I've been so stupid. He doesn't know I know. But he's coming up on Tuesday for ds's birthday, we were going to meet him at Pizza Hut and just grit our teeth. But I can't look at him now!!!! OMG HOW COULD HE????????????????

toothy dont mean to scare you but the probation system is shite
they will put in the report what he has to say
not what you have to say

Bailiffs cannot collect on any debt other than council related - tax, business rates, unpaid fines, etc. - in Scotland.

BUT of course there can be CCJs and the like.

Another thing to put on your list would be to contact Experian and the other credit agencies - I think there are three.

They can send you your full credit report AND put a fraud alert on your name.

Hate to tell you this, but my aunt's ex applied for loans in both their names after they separated and ran up joint debts.

She didn't have to pay them, BUT this made her life a giant PITA for a long, long time.

Also contact your bank in writing or in person about the situation - and keep a record of when you went in and whom you spoke w/ or do it Recorded Delivery.

Oh Toothy

No advice, but lots of "just being here" headed your way x x x

Thanks everyone.

I finally told the neighbours and they have been fab. The family accross the road did my garden yesterday! And their teenage dd has offered unlimited babysitting services now she's on holiday from school. Another neighbour came around tonight was almost angry I hadn't told them sooner! He said if I don't ask for help I won't get it.... and he's on hand if I need anything done around the house.

You can ask experian to put a note on your credit file that you are not linked to your ex. Not all companies check as they should, but any big loans probably would be. You need to write to them. This also breaks up any links between any debts he now runs up (or are in his sole name) and yourself.

Toothy . What a bloody idiot. When this all kicked off, I thought if he gets the right help they might stand a chance. Talk about him blowing every thing he had in life. You are better off without him and a gem for the way you have handled this.

Thanks Peachy. Will do that tomorrow.

Even I thought he had a chance at first! But my GOD what a waste of space. I'm not a 'rose-tinted glasses' type of person. I can't believe that skank piece of shit has pulled the wool over my eyes!

He was so happy for me when I got my payrise. NO FECKIN WONDER EH?!?!?!?!?!?!

He already had it spent, Toothy

I'm glad you've told your neighbours about it, it sounds like you've got plenty of people keeping their eye on yor safety.

G'night hon. x

Message withdrawn

Thanks Rickman. I've already registered forthat. And got an alert 2 weeks ago, but I'd applied for a Barclaycard.

I had H's Experian report to..... SQUEAKY CLEAN....better than mine! In the last 6yrs there was absolutely nothing.

His debts must be with Equifax perhaps? Don't know.

Toothy it is easy to change the lock yourself on your house - it takes two minutes. Is it an ordinary yale lock or is it UPVC?

I mean is the door UPVC, durrr...

Anorak - Its just a normal lock... not a yale or uPVC. I wouldn't have the transport to get to a place that sold the type of lock. I kind of need it FAST! He's driving up on Tuesday.

What do you mean by a normal lock. A mortice lock? (the kind where you put in a long key and turn it round 360 degrees to open it? A yale lock is the type with the shorter key and a latch that closes when you pull it closed.

swap with a neighbour for a few days

Even if you can't get out to buy a lock I would certainly spend the money to get a locksmith to come out and change it. If he comes in and steals stuff it will cost you more.

Even if he never comes in and steals anything you will feel better and not have to worry about that side of things any more. Worth every penny.

Toothy, sorry to hear you are going through all of this

I had a similar experience with ex, drugs and debts. It'll be hard right now but I promise you'll look back on it one day and find it hard to even believe that it was your life.

With regards to the debts, check with all of the credit check comapnies. Ex's debts kept turning up and I buried my head in the sand, I was too scared at the time to deal with it all properly and I've ended up paying stuff off that has been nothing to do with me [stupid emoticon]

Regarding the drugs, it seems glaringly obvious when you find out about it, but when you're living it day to day you just don't seem to pick up on it.

Sorry I don't have any practical advice to offer but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and let you know that even though its horrible at the moment it won't be like this forever.

Take care

Anorak - Thats the one. I'll get a locksmith ASAP. Thanks.

Lact8 - Thanks too. I'm so bewildered its just so unbelievable!

We get a lovely houes, only moved in 5 months ago.... I took on a mortgage of £118k to get this house. I'm so bitter I could split blood and feckin kill him!!!

On a lighter note... I'm off out with an equally bitter friend next Saturday! I want to get chatted up... nothing else... just to believe I'm not the "fat ugly cunt" he's been telling me I am for the past few months!!!!

Make sure you have a good time Toothy. You deserve it.

And frankly, if this bloke thinks that coke is OK, and beating you up is acceptable then I would believe the absolute opposite of everything he says- especially on your appearance!

Make it a good one. X

Did he really call you that?

I can't believe what we women put up with sometimes hoping that we can love them into being the person we think we glimpse inside.

Next time don't waste yourself on someone who doesn't think you are special.

Oh yes Anorak... and in front of the kids too. This is a recent development.... clearly linked him resuming his cocaine habit. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

Thinking of you this morning Toothy.

hope you're out there getting things sorted, toothy - Experian, the locks, etc.

also hope this guy goes to jail.

FWIW, you can't trust an addict.

coke is such a vile drug

someone close to me is going through something similar

remember a lot of this behaviour is due to cocaine use and hopefully he will improve once he kicks it

poor you

Toothy, If you have CPP covering your credit cards etc. then you are covered for the cost of calling a locksmith to change the locks on your main residence just give them a buzz on 0870 120 1058.

You'd never guess I worked for a credit card company would you?

OMG toothy what a nightmare!!

have you called him yet? have you changed the locks?

In your shoes shoes I;d just say "I know about the loan you defaulted on. Don't bother coming up"
and leave it at that.