just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

Someone upthread mentioned this guy being new to OD and maybe doesn't quite get it yet.

No. No excuses. He isn't new to dating. He knows the score.

OP I'm sorry but I think the last text you sent him was the one you shouldn't have sent. You've kind of showed him your hand, as it were.

Hope it works out with whoever is lucky enough to catch you .

Wow 8 pages over a guy who wanted sex and a girl who didn't quite as much . OP I assume you have a child, a job ? , friends ? A life in other words. This is consuming far too much of your mental energy. I seriously haven't obsessed over a guy like this since I was 15. Life is far too short.

^^
and I'll bet they shag their brains out within 2 hours of meeting next date, the repressed attraction has been painfully obvious.

OP, I think he's had more than enough encouragement from you and I dont think your last text was necessary.
All the signs from him are that he's just after something casual and he's keeping you on the hook just in case. He's had plenty of opportunity to move things forward to another date. If you're just after something casual that's absolutely fine. But your posts suggest that you're not.

I had missed your post that he text you at 2am Saturday night/Sunday morning. Probably just back from another date that didn't go so well, and explains why he was back on the site a lot on Sunday.
That, plus his evasiveness about arranging another date when you told him you were free those two nights, plus his pushing to come back to yours for food, plus the massage comment, plus him not calling you or even texting you when you've already been on a date together, all seems a bit off.
Although I'm first to admit I may be a bit jaded at the moment

Yes Herdy you're right. He said he was out seeing a friend on Sat night - of course no way of knowing if that was true.

And yes, Wisey, wish I hadn't sent that lsst message but at least it didn't say too much.

When I first started dating again after my divorce I realised things had changed a lot since I was last 'out there' single especially OD as it didn't exist last time I was single. Actually neither did mobile phones, that's how old I am !

I think 2am texts from someone you barely know are a bit of a red flag. I dont know how I missed that when you first posted it. In my experience, I found that guys would send them in the hopes that I too was still up and also feeling lonely, or horny! Obviously not a problem with someone you know well but new guys texting after midnight, especially at the weekend, was a red flag for me.

Anyway, let us know what his reply is. I'm really hoping you have a great time on your other date this week.

Thanks Herdy :) I've only done OLD since I split u with my ex last year.

I guess I've been lucky (until this guy) that the people I've met (whilst not for me) haven't been after one night stands

He may be after an ongoing casual thing not just a one off. It does seem that he's primarily looking for something physical and casual rather than an actual relationship. There's nothing wrong with that as long as he's honest about it.
You mentioned that he's quite new to OD. Has he just got out of a relationship?

His divorce was finalised 9 months ago but only just joined OLD about a month ago

In that case, newly divorced and new to OLD he probably still has 'kid in a sweet shop' syndrome. He's probably just finding his way and trying to decide what he wants as well and just not ready to limit his choices yet.
My advice would be for you to definitely keep looking, and if this one does ask you out again, it's up to you to keep it at a pace you're happy with. He's probably heard a few stories about OLD that have given him rather high expectations of getting a shag every time he goes out on a date.

He's been texting today instead of messaging on the dating site! However I logged on to read a message earlier and he was online too.
Still no mention of date 2

He's doing my head in now theend.
He's definitely trying to keep you on the hook - see mine and beaglesaresweet's posts from yesterady evening.
He's said he felt a spark and you got on well, so nothing to stop him asking you out again. You've given him more than enough encouragement. He's just taking the piss now with all this arsing around.
Who asked who out for the first date?
And after that date, did he actually ask to see you again? You mentioned he was 'evasive' when you told him you had a couple of nights free, how did that convo actually start?

Why are you even bothered? It really sounds like you are desperate.

Ignore him. He's an arse. Believe me, if you go on a second date now you will regret it.

And read 'He's just not that into you'.

Just as an aside, I often went onto the OD site to show friends his photos and details, while on there I may have responded to any messages from people I'd been talking to. Had DP been looking he may have presumed I was shopping around, but I wasn't.

Definately not desperate MissS!

It was him who suggested the first date and yes as Herdy said, if he felt a spark and we got on, he could easily have mentioned meeting again by now. I've deleted his number :)

def the case of the 'kid in a sweets shop' , don't bother with him! good idea re deleting the number.

he may well browse for a while and THEN realise you were the best after all, but who wants to hang around for that.

sweetshop

But the point it OD IS a sweetshop and we should all be trying to make sure we find the person we click with the most, I can't see anything wrong with him still browsing and keeping his options open at this stage - he hasn't proposed marriage, he just pushed his luck hoping OP was up for sex, which if she had been, fantastic, everyone's a winner.

If not, fair enough, he's still looking around, he probably would have been if they HAD had sex, it doesn't make him shallow or evil or somehow inferior to any other man simply because he made it obvious that he'd like sex and he doesn't mind too much who it is with. Similarly it wouldn't have made the OP a slapper, or easy or somehow inferior if she'd wanted sex with him or anyone else either.

One thing is for certain. OLD is a total head fuck

TwoSteps. When I referred to OLD as sweet shop I wasn't saying it's not, or that it's wrong to treat it as such.
My point was that he's a guy who is new to OLD. He's got easy access to more women who want to date/fuck/marry/cohabit than he ever has in his life. Of course he's going to be looking around and one of the things that OLD is very good for is finding casual sex. Again, simply because so many potential partners are easily contactable.
I was trying to help OP see that he's looking round, enjoying keeping his options open and therefore she should be doing the same. And the fact that he's not been asking her for a second date is clear proof that he's enjoying looking round and that she probably didn't have quite as much impact on him as he seems to have done on her.

Bit yes it is. I've taken a lengthy break and am steeling myself to get back into it eventually, because I'm older and it's very difficult to meet single men in my age group. I'm trying to toughen up my skin as we speak, because one certainly needs a thick skin and a great SOH to deal with it!

yeah, second what twostepsbeyond said?

i don't really think the dating process is "gendered" as in men choose and women don't. surely you're BOTH sussing each other out to see if you're a match and seeing what develops? after a good date which is what - couple of hours or an evening together, they're just "someone you've met for a bit"? you can say there's good chemistry and you enjoyed "that DATE" and would be up for another one, but there's not really a connection or obligation yet.

sure its an ego boost and exciting to do the whole "will he/won't he" text thing and if you're only getting 1st dates, never a 2nd one then review presentation.

but women turn men down too? i mean i've probably accepted 2nd/3rd/ further dates from perfectly "eligible" men and then gone off them as:

• rubbish in bed, too small or too submissive/feathery strokey
• just didn't like the cut of his jib after spending more time with him
• something about his communication style or follow up or the way he "organised" the 2nd meet pissed me off
• someone hotter and more alpha/masculine was in the background or "appeared" so he was always going to be friendzoned/demoted to 2nd priority anyway
• i was a bit unavailable at the time for other reasons and so was just dating as i was bored and seeing what was out there.

etc etc. i'm a woman!

sweetshop/having options is only a problem if you don't use it to your advantage? good luck OP anyway!

Lurkin - thanks for your comments. I've had plenty of guys wanting and 2nd, 3rd date etc, just that I haven't felt any attraction so didn't see them again.
Re the recent guy, yes I'm sure he is exploring his options - I was only the second person he's met from OLD