just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

[Numberlock]

You're over-thinking it! You only spent a couple of hours together yet you've spent most of the following day analysing it.

Relax and enjoy meeting new people. If something comes of it (dating) then great. If not, then make sure you've got lots of other stuff going on in your life.

[practicality]

He sounds a bit of a tacky sleezeball.

Best avoided.

[Mumsyblouse]

He's clear he wants a massage (and more) on the next date. If you are up for that, go along, if not, I really wouldn't bother.

[theendishere]

Yep, Mumsy think you're right, and I won't be bothering!

[littlebunnyfriend]

Ew, the over-eager thing is one thing but the massage comment... ewwww.

Just take a compliment from it that he thought you were hot and then move on to someone who is not a slimeball.

[daphnesglasses]

he sounds like a right cheeky bugger with the food request
you're not running KFC!!

definitely keep looking I say

[daphnesglasses]

oh yes and 'massage' = just wanting a shag

[arsenaltilidie]

This guy just wants a shag.
He is not looking for a GF.

[theendishere]

Yep, sure you're right arsenal. So glad I didn't invite him back "for food"!

[SirRaymondClench]

Have you heard from him since the massage text?

[theendishere]

Not heard any more. To be fair, the massage subject came up because he very briefly rubbed by shoulders and I said he must be good at massage!

[MaureenDaly]

theend the reason he brought the massage up was to let you know what his expectations were for the next date.Which is the actions of a sleaze. If he was in it for more than a shag he'd have said something more open ended about a longer massage, not 'next time'. I also think it was relevant that he mentioned it taking 1.5 hours to get home.
If you don't want just a bit of casual fun, you're well rid of this one.

[theendishere]

maybe. however re his journey, I check the traffic news and 2 roads were closed on his route home, so he was being genuine about that.

I guess it comes down to the fact it seems he fancied me enough to spend an evening with me, invite himself back, but not enough to commit to a second date.

[MaureenDaly]

I wasn't implying that he wasn't honest about his journey time.

And yes, he fancied you enough to want to sleep with you, but it really does seem that he wanted sex and nothing more. He didn't get the sex so he's likely to move on. Or contact you out of the blue in a week or so.
This really isn't that unusual with OLD. But there are plenty of men out there who aren't like him.

[theendishere]

Just a bit sad he was the first one out of quitea number that I actually got on well with and fancied too

[MissStrawberry]

He was moaning about journey I think as in if you had let him in he wouldn't have had to drive for so long and I really don't think you are at the stage of flirting being sleazy

I also think you got yourself in a state for no good reason. It didn't end badly. It reads like you thought you had done something wrong.

If you want to wait to have sex, WAIT. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[theendishere]

No don't feel I did anything wrong - if anyone did he did!

[Lazyjaney]

Jeez, talk about overthinking things on near zero information!

Chill OP, take things as they come, and ignore the MN chorus on here that sees ill in every man. This sounded like a perfectly ordinary first date, where signals arent perfectly understood.

[theendishere]

I have to say it based on the first dates I've been on in the last few months (there've been a lot!), this wasn't ordinary. None of the other guys I've been out with have expected or been invited back to my place!

[arsenaltilidie]

This guy wanted a shag that is all.
Thee This guy is at a stage in life where he is just shagging around and that is what he will do and no woman will change him until he feels he is at that stage.
This has no reflection on you at all.
He saw you won't sleep with him easily and backed out.

Many women (of course some men PC) get hurt or tolerate a lot of crap trying to change a man (or woman) who is simply not looking for a relationship.

[theendishere]

I think I probably had a lucky escape...

[MsVestibule]

Oh God, theend, I'm feeling your pain! I really, really wish I was the type of person who doesn't over analyse everything, but unfortunately I'm not.

He is definitely after a shag. Not saying he doesn't want a relationship but he definitely wants a shag now. If that's what you want, then fine, go for it. But if you want to start building a relationship before you do that, then I don't think there's any point in taking this further.

I met my DH on an online dating site. Although it was far from love at first sight, it developed at the speed we were both comfortable with, which is exactly how it should be.

[theendishere]

I almost feel like giving up with online dating don't see how i'll meet anyone otherwise. I've met 12 guys now since the beginning of the year. I've been attracted to only 2. The majority have wanted to see me again, but couldn't see the point as I felt no attraction.
I met a guy in the pub (sort of friend of a friend thing) last month. He invited me for dinner and if i'd fancied him he would have been great - got on fantastically, gentlemanly, kind, etc

[MaureenDaly]

OP, I may get a bit of grief for this, but I'll say it anyway. If a guy isn't repulsive, and he treats you nicely on the first date, perhaps it's worth giving it a little longer to see what happens regarding attraction?

I'm saying this because several years ago I was chatted up for about two months by a guy I knew through work. He wasn't my type at all, I didn't feel any physical attraction, just thought he was ok looking but that was it. Anyway, I went out with him a couple of times, still thought he was ok but nothing special looking, then the second date he kissed me properly and it literally felt like the earth moved.
We ended up having quite a long relationship and the chemistry was the best ever. In fact the reason it ended was because it turned out that all we had was this amazing physical attraction!
I was 42 when it started, previously I'd always written guys off if I didnt feel an immediate attraction to them. Now I'm getting a bit older it does seem that attraction can build from out of nowhere.
Just saying, may be worth a try for you too.

Also - sorry for the essay - dont give up on OLD. Maybe take a break if you need it but I know two couples who both met via OLD and both are blissfully happy now.
Have you joined the dating thread here? I lurked there for a while several months ago. They're a nice supportive bunch and have plenty of OLD experience between them.

[MsVestibule]

I went out on about 5 dates before I met DH. I was attracted to the first one, but it was fairly clear he was only after sex, which isn't what I was looking for. The next few were very nice, but I couldn't imagine snogging them, never mind anything else!

With DH, I was fairly ambivalent about him to start with but after a few dates, it improved. If you're feeling disillusioned, maybe give it a break for a few weeks/months? Meeting somebody new is really difficult using 'traditional' methods, e.g. pubs, work etc but I still think it's worth persevering with OD. But I do realise I'm biased!