just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

Just noticed that he originally suggested dinner - it sounds to me like he was making a passive aggressive point about you changing it from a dinner date to a drinks date, in which case he probably is a knobber, steer clear!

I am single blether. Why?

I was thinking about this today on in the beach and wondered if he didn't eat because he didn't want to spend anything?

Another one who didn't fancy her DH immediately. It took a few dates and now we are 17 years together and he is hot .

Twosteps is right re banter etc leading to massage comment. We had been talking about spas and I said how much enjoyed a good massage, and it went from there really.
He's send me several messages through the dating site today and viewed me twice. Maybe he wasn't just after a one night stand...

Why is he sending messages on the dating site and not texting you? or even better picking up the phone to speak to you? He's already been out with you once, surely there's no need to be so coy.

Maybe he saw you on there, knew you'd see him and is keeping his options open by messaging you as if that's what he was on there for .

You've been on a date, he's texted you already. Mind your heart, OP.

I'm cynical as well, wisey. If he was interested enough he'd be on the phone (I know, I'm so old and old fashioned) having a chat with OP about her weekend and asking her out again.

OP, definitely keep looking to keep your options open.

Yes, defiantly keeping options open!! He said he thought the date went well and there was an attraction and asked what I thought. I've basically spelt it out - that I felt we got on well, felt a bit of attraction BUT was surprised he thought i'd agree to him coming back to mine as we'd only met a few hours before!

I think it's good that you said that to him about coming back to yours.
Let's see what his next move is, although if he was sending me messages on the dating site when I knew he had my phone number that would piss me off somewhat.

Thanks Herdy. I figured that if I made my feelings clear (ie I don't invite virtual strangers back home)I'd find out if he's interested in me and not just sleeping with me.

Yes know what you mean about the messages, but as we know, he probably is chatting to others too.

Has he actually asked for and arranged a second date OP? If not, he's mucking you about and don't waste any more time.

He's new to OD so maybe he doesn't get that it's normal to progress to texting and not stick with messages through the site once you've met.

But if I was being cynical I'd also say he was deliberately giving himself cover for being online lots.

Not that there's anything wrong with either of you being online and arranging other dates.

I agree with the others that the massage comment makes it pretty clear what he wants. Not that that makes him a bad person at all.

No he's not mentioned a second date. I'm just going to wait and see if /how he replies to my last message...

OP, you're way too keen.... you need to be a little more mysterious, be a little harder to get.

Go out with several men, rather than becoming fixated on one - and this is your ideal opportunity!. As others have said, just because you don't feel an instant attraction doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a chance, or three or four chances. Or three or four men chances

I sincerely don't mean to be cruel, but I notice that he didn't reply to your text. Which is just further confirmation for me that the Rules work (not that I need persuading - I'm a devout believer).

FWIW.. I think you've had a lucky escape anyway... a massage? Eee-uw. NOT classy.....

Too keen? I didn't invite him back and made it clear it wouldn't happen next time either.
Yes I am definatley keeping my options open, have one other date arranged and the guy from the pub has been in touch again, so no, wouldn't say I was fixated on one!

He's digging a bit to establish whether you'd be good for a shag on the 2nd date, no mystery here. If he thinks you'll do it, he'll commit to a date, otherwise he won't. ..

At a dinner party a few weeks back I met a guy mid 30's, recently divorced and now on the internet dating game. I seemed he had about 5 women "on the go" at the time each at various stages of relationship development from "1st date just arranged", "just had first date", through to "having sex with".

This might, or might not be representative, but be warned. If you want to rip the pants off a guy then go for it. If not say no AND DON'T FEEL BAD.

He's replied apologising for the suggestion of coming back to mine. Said he felt there was a spark between us and got on very well, but Still no mention of a second date.

I would forget this one.

I haven't replied :) I have a date arranged with someone else for later in the week...

I think not replying is the way to go OP.
From what you've written here you've given him plenty of encouragement and made it clear that you enjoyed the date. more than enough for him to ask you out again if he wanted to. I think he's hoping now that he's giving you a bit of a challenge and that you'll throw yourself at him.
Hope your date this week goes well.

yep, he's waiting for you to suggest a second date AND to invite him going back to yours this time, otherwise he won't suggest anything. creep.

Thanks ladies :) I don't plan to reply. If he suggests a second date in the next day or so, I'll probably consider it but won't make any more contact with him unless that happens

Well I would reply. I'd say thanks for the apology, I'd like to see you again too and then see if he suggests something. He may well feel he has opened up by saying he likes you and is waiting for an encouraging response before he comes up with a date suggestion.

Thanks Jayne. Ive just replied saying aplogy accepted. Asked about his day, told him a bit about mine, also said a bit weird talking on the site when we have eachother's numbers

Great. Hope he comes up with something now. If not then I guess you will know he's not for you!