just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

[theendishere]

Well, what a surprise still no response from him - another one to put down to experience. It feels like OND is a waste of time atm, but also good to know that some of you have met your partners this way!

[theendishere]

yes, I wouldn't be surprised Herdy !
I'll see how it goes, but don't want to lead him on either as he seems like a nice guy:) I know people who know him too which makes me feel "safer" with hi if that makes sense?!

[HerdyHerdwick]

Massage Man will very likely pop up again completely out of the blue acting as if you two have been in contact all along.....
See how it goes with Pub Guy.

[theendishere]

Well surprise, surprise - I've not heard from him! I think a week is along enough to decide if you want a second date!!!
Pub guy texted yesterday and we have arranged to go out next weekend - I did tll him a coule of weeks ago if we met again prob just as friends so hope i'm not leading him on by going out Physically he's just not my type at all

[BitOutOfPractice]

I whole heartedly agree with the poster who said that it shouldn't be this tricky at the start. The OLD site is only the first point of contact. After that it should be just like meeting in RL in a pub or whatever. Call each other, text, arrange to meet...no games or pissing about. I don't really know why OLD seems to bring out this bad behaviour :(

I'd do out with lovely pub man again if I were you.

[MissStrawberry]

In the future maybe ask out a man yourself. But not this one!!

[swallowedAfly]

and imo open ended nonsense of cagey egos dancing = head fuck central

[swallowedAfly]

just be blunt and real!!!!

say, 'well proof is in the pudding mate - if you want to meet again ask me out because you're not the only guy interested and i don't like playing silly games and this is starting to feel like that'.

either he goes ooh way too forward and bolshy (in which case you're well shot) or he goes oh, straight forward woman whose not fucking about and asks you out.

all this nonsense inbetween is stoopid. who cares what he thinks? say what you want to say and get it sorted rather than deal with open ended nonsense of cagey egos dancing.

[theendishere]

Beagle - yes you're right, he is one of the very few guys I've been attracted to recently , and we got on so well on the date - that's why it was a bit disappointing that he's turned out to e such a waste of time.
Its no surprise that he still hasn't suggested meeting.
Had a nice chat to another guy online last night though - he said he'd like to chat again this evening...

[ALittleStranger]

Why do you think that Boompa? I think OP just needs to get a bit more insightful, a bit clearer about what she wants and make it work for her.

[MissStrawberry]

This makes me think of the day I met my husband. We met up and both hoped it would lead to something. It was at the end of the date when he properly made his feelings plain. That is how it should be. This man doesn't have the courage, manners, whatever you want to describe it as to be straight and say he wants to take you for dinner on Saturday. He is hedging his bets as pride not being hurt is more important than taking a chance.

You shouldn't even be thinking about getting your hopes up so that I why I said you sounded desperate and I would definitely give up on this one who can't be straight.

[Boomba]

His reply meant, yes id like to meet for sex, are you up for it

[Boomba]

I think you need to step away from the OLD for a while!

[ALittleStranger]

Agh this thread is frustrating. He's not that keen, he's just keeping an option open. I agree with the other poster who said successful relationships don't start this way.

OP you should see OD as a sweetshop. You want a meaningful relationship, chances are you'll have to date a lot of people before you find that. There is no point trying to get something to work for you when you have other options.

[beaglesaresweet]

when she met them, not 'that'

[dontyouwantmebaby]

MsV is bang on! This one sounds like he is messing you around for sure.

so he's contacted you again, out of the blue, trying to put it on you whether another meeting happens or not rather than him firmly suggesting a date.

well I'd be more than happy to meet up again "if you do" - he doesn't need this qualifier if he was eager to see you again.

good luck OP hope you meet someone fab soon.

[beaglesaresweet]

lorna, I hear your point, but possibly you've never really liked/fancied anyone on dating sites, not as much as OP liked the guy. Unlike you, she said she didn't fancy ANY men from online before that she met them, yet she was hugely attracted to this one. In this case it's really hard to forget it and to switch quickly to others. Some people are extremely selective/fussy - it's not superior or inferior, it's just what they are.

Others are quite easily attracted to people - as you are - but then can quickly cool off to if these men are disappointing. But not everyone is like that. I was just saying to OP, they are not on the same page with this guy, she wants to find one guy, and he wants to try all the sweets in the shop - it's not wrong of him per se, but it's the wrong man for her!

Of course she does need to move on, as I suspect she's now annnoyed with his gameplaying - rightly so! I still claim, OP, that he DOES want an invite from you to come to your place for sex, that's the explanation why he keeps puttong ball in your court. He won't offer just a date as he's not interested in slow dating - if he wanted this, he would have done!!

[theendishere]

Thanks MsV :) You're right - it shouldn't be this difficult, esp at the beginning!!!

[MsVestibule]

Seriously, just leave this one alone, theend. This is the sort of wishy washyness I hate in men. When I look back on my successful relationships, they never messed me around at the beginning. We went on a date, we liked each other, so arranged another, and pretty soon were boyfriend and girlfriend. The only ones that didn't go anywhere were the ones who messed me around like this one is you.

If I'm ever on the dating scene again (spent many, many years on it), there is no way I would put up with all the shit I used to. I'm embarrassed to think of the time I spent angsting over ambiguous texts. And I don't care if OLD 'sweetie shop' has made things different now.

[theendishere]

He's still not replied, but just had an email from someone on the dating site who looks and sounds v nice :) Won't get my hopes up at all yet though!!!

[theendishere]

His actual reply was "well i'd be more than happy to meet up again if you do!?

[theendishere]

Hi Herdy - yep, the second...

[HerdyHerdwick]

Just read the cross posts.

[HerdyHerdwick]

Acceptable to get your reply ..."I do want to see you again. Are you free at the weekend?"
Unacceptable and doesn't warrant your reply..... "I do want to see you again" but no mention of when

So which did he send you ?

How did he come to start texting again? Did he just pop up today out of the blue ?

[theendishere]

Nope - just said he'd like to see me again if that's what I would like...

I said that wasn't the impression he'd given so wasn't sure what to think and have left it there...