just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

[Trigglesx]

You seem disappointed, like perhaps he was over-keen?? Was it something in particular he said or did that concerned you?

[Numberlock]

We need more info about he went about asking to go back, was he pushy, nasty etc, did you part on good terms.

[Bitrustyandbusty]

DH of ten years came back to mine after the first date, lots of talking and kissing. Then he slept in my spare room :D

The second date was a different matter...

If he was keen, that's good. Pushy, however, would be a different matter!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Not seeing the issue.

DH and I woke up together the morning after our first date. Nine years later we're still here!

[Tuppenceinred]

Fair enough that taking a date home worked for some of you on the first date, but honestly, on-line dating and personal safety anyone? There's nothing wrong with Op being cautious about this and as others say, if he's genuinely interested and a nice bloke, it won't put him off.

[WaitingForMe]

I met a guy online, took him back to my place and we had a lovely fling (all I was offering).

I met a friend of a friend, he walked me home then when I turned down his advances turned on me. Luckily, I know a little self-defence and took him by surprise when I hit him that I was able to lock my door before he reacted.

The Internet isn't full of weirdos and guys your friends vouch for safe.

[MexicanHat]

I agree with Tuppern

It was OPs first date. She doesn't know him at all!! Wasn't there someone recently on MN who invited her date in and got raped?

[theendishere]

I'm in my early 40's and yes starting over after divorce.

He wasn't nasty at all ( he said he was hungry! - he'd not had time to eat before meeting me - i'd eaten and he didn't want to eat alone in the pub and had 40 mins drive back home). I said i'd had a great evening, would haplily see him again but didn't feel ready to invite someone i'd just met back to my home. He seemed a bit evasive about meeting again, although mentioned a couple of days - guess I just have to wait to see if I hear from him now...

[Boomba]

Hmmm...that does sound suspect to me actually

[theendishere]

The whole thing Boomba, or the "being hungry!)

[Boomba]

Being hungry as an excuse to come back to yours, after "not wanting to eat alone' in the pub...

was he a bit slimy?

[theendishere]

No, not slimey at all. He seemed like a really nice guy, chatty, down to earth, interested in me, etc - the nicest guy (and most fanciable ) i'd met online (and there have been a lot!) just a shame how it ended :( I was really hopeful about this one

[AnyFucker]

I wouldn't have wanted to be the only one eating on a first date either

I don't understand why you are so disappointed at how it "ended" though

it hasn't "ended" has it, unless he doesn't contact you again in which case, next!

[Boomba]

I don't understand why you think it ended badly

[theendishere]

I'd be the same AF - ie not wanting to be the only one eating on a first date. I suppose i'm just disappointed that I said i'd e happy to meet again and suggested a couple of evenings but he seemed a bit evasive about making firm plans

[MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill]

He claimed to want to go back to yours for food? Like, grab a takeaway and then eat it at your place? Or go back to yours so you could make him something?
Either way that strikes me as odd.

[Trigglesx]

Didn't want to eat alone at the pub? Is that where you'd been? He could've ordered some nibbles without looking like he was the only one eating. If he meant "eating alone at the pub" about the two of you, how does that add up if he's eating at yours afterwards and you're not? I'd have to agree, combining that with "evasive" about getting together again, does seem a bit overly keen.

[theendishere]

I meant the date didn't end in the best way. Other guys who've been keen, have just texted afterwards to say they had a good evening and suggested meeting again. This one just seemed to want to be invited back (for food!)

[AnyFucker]

Only you (and he) were there, love

and it doesn't matter what we say, really

if something doesn't sit right with you, then so be it

we have instincts for a reason

[theendishere]

You're right AF. Guess as I'm still quite new to online dating I jut wanted some input form others about how it seemed. I might be being over cautious, but I'd have thought most guys would be respectful of that.

Its just a shame because it was the best date I'd had in ages, really fancied him but now I feel unsure.

I guess I should leave it now to see if he contacts me, or is it ok to text him?

[AnyFucker]

I am a very old smug married so my advice may not be useful

I think one quick text acknowledging that you had a good time is ok. Then no more.

[AnyFucker]

Perhaps he is having an attack of the guilts that he came on too strong and a quick text opens the door for him to reply and suggest another date.

If you get radio silence though, stop.

[swallowedAfly]

text if you want to. your peace of mind is all that matters - not some imaginary game that you can get wrong or right.

if texting him and saying something will make you feel better then do it. do it for your mind rather than to be attached to a desired outcome iyswim.

[swallowedAfly]

mind you 40 miles is a long way to drive. was it that you were ready to go home so wouldn't stay with him whilst he had something to eat and then he said well can i come back with you? and how long was the date - as in how long did you spend with him and who called time on it?