Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

230 replies

theendishere · 31/08/2013 01:40

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

OP posts:

Report

theendishere · 31/08/2013 10:38

Think I'll i'll text in a while just to say I had a good evening, and make make a joke of saying hope he's eaten now or something! Then I guess it's down to him to suggested meeting again

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 10:41

Good plan

theendishere · 31/08/2013 10:41

It wasn't quite 40 miles, we were in the pub til it closed! I did ask a couple of times if he wanted to go somewhere for food but he said he's feel silly if I wasn't eating too. He text when he got home to say it ended up taking 1.5 hours to get home as a couple of roads were closed..

OP posts:

ImpulsePineapple · 31/08/2013 10:47

Did he want you to make him food at yours? Did you have to tell him no more than once?

Sounds dodgy to me.

theendishere · 31/08/2013 10:50

I'd told him I had some leftover pizza! we were on the phone for about 20 mins, he wasn't nasty at all but just said it was a shame the eve had to end there.

OP posts:

Boomba · 31/08/2013 10:55

If someone isn't comfortable eating alone on a first day, surely they would be MORE uncomfortable going back and being the only one eating at their dates house?!

theendishere · 31/08/2013 10:57

I can understand not wanting to be the only one eating in a restaurant/pub. Guess a quick snack at someone's house is more relaxed and if if known him for a while it would have been fine. Just cautious about inviting someone into my home who I've only know for a few hours

OP posts:

newforest · 31/08/2013 10:58

If he likes you he will contact you. Just because it's more commonplace these days, you shouldn't feel like you should sleep with someone on the first date. I'm a bit younger than you, and I would never sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I'm not religious at all and I'm certainly not a prude but TO ME, it just feels wrong. I want to know the man has feelings for me and respects me before going down that road. This is probably why I've only slept with one man, and luckily we're still together seven years later.

Don't feel bad. You did what you thought was the right thing to do. You don't yet know this man well and anything could gave happened to you. Well done for being sensible. God, I sound like an old lady!

Chubfuddler · 31/08/2013 10:59

He's probably mortified that he came on a bit strong for you and now doesn't want to make it worse. Think about it - if you had in so many words propositioned him at the end of the date and he had knocked you bd k, you'd assume he wasn't as keen on you as you were on him, wouldn't you?

They doesn't mean you were wrong to refuse him, you were absolutely right to if you weren't comfortable. But it does mean he probably thinks you don't want to see him.

Send him a text. Can't do any harm.

Boomba · 31/08/2013 11:03

IM the opposite end of the spectrum to AF. I am very happily and contentedly single. I have little patience for the intricacies of dating. Id have sacked him off, for not fecking eating in the pub if he was bloody hungry! Numpty!

(unhelpful tangent, sorry)

theendishere · 31/08/2013 11:05

Text sent! Just said it was shame his journey was so bad, hope he's eaten now! and that I enjoyed his company - so i'll leave it now and see what he says....

OP posts:

ridiculoussingle · 31/08/2013 11:13

All of the boyfriends I've had (through online dating) have actually LIKED the fact I didn't sleep with them on the first date. :)

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 11:19

Boomba I fancy it is just as well I am a smug married

theendishere · 31/08/2013 11:23

he's replied and said he'd he like to meet again - go for a meal and "give me a longer massage" He briefly rubbed my shoulders as he walked to the cab! BUT he's not suggested any dates and he said he was free tonight and tomorrow night and knows I am. therefore it would be at least 2 weeks away because my son's with me next weekend. D I suggest a day or just say i'll look forward to it

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 11:24

I wouldn't have expected him to come 40 miles again in the next day or two, tbh

A longer massage ?

theendishere · 31/08/2013 11:28

It's probably about 30 miles, but yes, I guess I just have to leave it now and see what happens...

OP posts:

Numberlock · 31/08/2013 11:29

Ha ha Boomba, I'm the same as you.

Marital status = happily divorced, thankfully single.

theendishere · 31/08/2013 11:29

just logged onto the dating site - he's online...

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 11:32

as are you...

theendishere · 31/08/2013 11:34

That's true - just a quick look!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/08/2013 11:37

Hmm

FrancescaBell · 31/08/2013 11:49

The more you post, the more it looks like this fella is looking for sex partners, not relationships. Which is fine as long as he's honest about that.

If you're looking for an exclusive relationship though and won't have sex with someone until a relationship is on that footing, you're probably not going to be on the same page as this one.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

bestsonever · 31/08/2013 11:53

He could be looking for a soul-mate, but quite happy to shag lots of women who are not during his quest. Lots of that type in OD

MaureenDaly · 31/08/2013 11:56

I'm a bit confused.
I'm reading that he didn't 'have time' to eat before your date. Surely he knew what time you were meeting? Did I miss something there? He could have got a petro station sandwich as he drove to meet you..
I'd be put off by a stranger wanting to come back to my place to eat, even if he was genuinely hungry and wasn't thinking he'd automatically get sex.
I think the 'longer massage' is his way of saying he expects you two to be together in private at some point on the next date. If it happens. Only you can decide if you're comfortable with that. I wouldn't be.
Could be he's just after a fun, casual fling. Not a problem if you are too.

I don't think you've messed things up by not wanting him back at your place so soon. Don't ever feel pressured in that way. I know how hard it is getting back into dating after a long break from it. I made some very silly mistakes when I was newly single after a 20 year marriage and felt clueless as to how to date nowadays.
As I said, I think he's probably just wanting something casual and if that is the case he's likely to think you're too much 'hard work' what with the 'long' drive and wanting to go a bit slower than him.

Boomba · 31/08/2013 11:56

Are you sure he wasn't slimy???

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.