just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

[theendishere]

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

[MaureenDaly]

cross posted with FrancescaBell - she expressed it much better than I did, but that's what I was trying to say.

[BreasticlesNTesticles]

Massage comment would put me off - he is setting out his stall so to speak.

If you want to be intimate that's no problem, but I think its clear that is what he is looking for quickly.

[swallowedAfly]

do you know - it's exhausting just reading about it!!!!

no wonder i don't find myself actually doing it much

and in the nicest possible way - fuck off smug married people! i see a lot of miserable marriages but those who have happy, simple, get on well and add to each others lives and get good sex on tap when they want it - well you're the one's who can fuck off with your smugness

[swallowedAfly]

i think it's the good sex on tap when you want it without high drama on the seven seas bit that really pisses me off

sex = good clean fun. sex and dating = fucked up drama weirdness (whether you have it or not it seems)

[Numberlock]

Use OD to work for you.

Chat to a few men at the same time.

Meet a few for drinks/coffee until you meet one you'd like to date.

This will stop you over-analysing every text, comment etc.

As for this one, let him do the work. No harm in meeting again to see if your instincts are right.

Play a little hard to get.

[swallowedAfly]

see that sounds great but whenever i've looked at online dating i'd struggle to find one bloke i could see myself meeting for a coffee let alone a few.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

That massage comment is a bit misjudged. He's trying to skip to a physical intimacy that you don't have yet and I wouldn't like that myself.

[swallowedAfly]

i just went to POF and did a within 35miles search and within one page of results was put off of dating for another few months.

is it where i live? are there actually places where decent, attractive men advertise their singleness online?

[Boomba]

Based on what swallowed?

[swallowedAfly]

the whole package i guess - what they look like, what they choose to say about themselves, the attitudes that leak through. maybe i am way too picky but i just don't see anyone who appeals.

[Numberlock]

Couldn't agree with you more which is why I can't imagine ever doing online dating again.

[AnyFucker]

Aww, SAF don't diss the SM's !

I was sending myself up, tbh, so OP can safely ignore my advice if she so wishes. I may be married but I hope I am not smug. I know nothing about dating in this day and age but I do know a dickhead when I see one

[AnyFucker]

I would find it very hard to restrain myself from messaging all the pricks to say ""who the fuck do you think you are" tbh. Best I stay married.

[swallowedAfly]

meh or stay single if you don't.

seriously though if the sex is good, he can cook you a half decent dinner and makes you laugh and life is cheaper and happier i'd stay put if i were you

it's slim pickings out here!

[Boomba]

Now i want to join so i can see what you are talking about! Are they mostly arrogant? Its hard writing a personal statement though huh, even for work purposes!

[swallowedAfly]

tbf OP maybe you want a shag too. maybe that's why you were so gutted 'it ended the way it did' last night because actually a shag would've been just the ticket.

if you don't want to shag him that is FINE. if you do and you're not doing so out of some sense that it has to be x, y and z and if it isn't then what does that make you and blah blah blah then just shag him!

not everyone is the prince but someone has to be the first 'back in the game' guy.

sorry if this is way too blunt/sluttish/whatever for your thinking

[swallowedAfly]

you don't have to join boomba - i'm not joined - i just did a search to see who was there in my area. i dont' have a profile or anything.

[Val007]

1. Figure out exactly what you want.
   

1. Text him one last time to say exactly what you want.
   

1. If he is into you, he will do all the legwork. If not, he will free you from his presense to open up the space to a man who is on your wavelength.
   

Simples

[theendishere]

thanks for all your responses. I'm clear in my head what I want and it's not having an almost total stranger in my home a few hours after meeting. I've said I'd like to go out again and he said he would too and will let me know when he can make it. So guess we're both clear!

[FrancescaBell]

Good for you.

It's great that you've got firm boundaries and are clear about what you want.

[ALittleStranger]

So guess we're both clear!

I've found this thread oddly confusing - but do you honestly think this??

[Lweji]

Firstly, I do think the food thing was just an excuse. And I wouldn't have let a complete stranger into my home either.

Secondly, I would take his "will let you know" as to mean that he's just not that into you.

[theendishere]

Yep, LwejiI think you're right(ie not that into me) also think maybe as he's only joined the site very recently he probably wants to see other people too.
Not sure what's confusing Stranger - yes! I'm honestly clear on what I want!

[ALittleStranger]

I was refering to the fact that you can't possibly be clear on what he wants, although I suspect Lewji is right.