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Original poster

Is this an accusation?

188 replies

HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 10:41

In a long distance relationship for a year. I guess I have been a bit cool with the texts this week as I am a bit strung out alone with the kids off school and don't feel particularly into " sexting". I guess I would feel a bit of a prick if I sent a sexy text and my partner ignored it but that is what I did last night. I basically read it and fell asleep.

Today he texted and said I have let him down. He wants the sexy girl back he fell in love with and he said to be honest I am acting like I am seeing someone else. I have been cool this week as having doubts about him in general. I suppose it is fair he has picked up on this but is it out of order to accuse me of seeing someone else? We have texted and chatted most days but I haven't innitiated this.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 15/08/2013 10:43

It is an unfair accusation, but he's hurt and disappointed that you're losing interest.

Do the decent thing and let him down gently.

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 10:49

I guess so. I think he is only interested when I am being the sexy girlfriend. I just texted and said I don't think I can meet your expectations of being that sexy girl and he replied well you used to manage consisentenly. In the past I have explained I am sometimes a bit drained home alone with 4 kids but now I don't even explain because last time he didn't think it was fair I " complained" to him because they're not his kids.

OP posts:
Val007 · 15/08/2013 10:53

Tell him to call a sex chat line, FFS! Not much for you anyway in a long distance relationship. You need someone in real life. If you have to be sexy, at least you will be getting something out of it, not just whetting a perv's appetite. Sorry for being blunt.

Phalenopsis · 15/08/2013 10:55

last time he didn't think it was fair I " complained" to him because they're not his kids.

Uh-oh. I wouldn't bother with him any longer. He doesn't sound as though he wants to be a proper partner. If he did want that he'd realise that you and your children come as a package and try to understand how difficult it can be to look after them.

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 10:58

He wants marriage etc but its me keeping the distance

OP posts:
Val007 · 15/08/2013 11:09

It's interesting how exactly he pictures marriage - with or without your children, who are not HIS?...

You were right to keep the distance, OP!

cozietoesie · 15/08/2013 11:12

....well you used to manage consisentenly......

Dear goodness - he's treating you as little more than a sex toy, Hoopers. I'd move on directly.

LemonPeculiarJones · 15/08/2013 11:16

He sounds like a childish idiot. End it.

Honestly he sounds pathetic and unhelpful

DontActuallyLikePrunes · 15/08/2013 11:19

Hang on, he "wants marriage etc" but he doesn't like you talking about your life with your children?
You know how well that would go! Hmm

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 11:24

He loves it when it's all happy and spends quite a lot of time with the kids but when I am stressed out with them he looks at me like I have 2 heads. Not sexy I guess! He now totally denies saying he doesn't want the grief and reckons he wants to be part of a team. He texted this:
Thats cos you changed everything. Kids marriage moving in sexy times. Etc etc. So yeah i want more. Consistent communication would be nice and isnt too much to ask for.

Sounds reasonable?

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 15/08/2013 11:27

Hah! As long as the communication is on his terms I suspect.

No it's not reasonable in my view. I'd move on.

DontActuallyLikePrunes · 15/08/2013 11:29

You changed everything (I assume he means that in a positive way) but you're no good to him unless you're being sexy and/or lovely?
Hmm
Unrealistic

Twinklestein · 15/08/2013 11:32

A 'team' who doesn't let you complain about your kids because they're not his.

a) he sounds awful & b) has he actually ever lived with kids? They're not just for Christmas & 'sexy times' with mummy...

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 11:35

He means I changed it for the worse. He wanted to move in, get married, have a baby. I said no after months of ups and downs.

OP posts:
Val007 · 15/08/2013 11:36

I would be very suspicious about a man who constantly talks about sex and gets stroppy if you are sometimes not in the mood. I have come upon several similar individuals during my online dating period and honestly, they were all shitheads out for a good time and not much more. Big red flag!

bestsonever · 15/08/2013 11:40

Fun-loving guy, up for fun times, no realism required. This man would most likely bail on you whenever something in life requiring his support occurs.
Madonna-whore complex apparent too.

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 12:38

Now he's upset cos I didn't invite him camping. Maybe he should have organised, booked and paid for a holiday and invited me and the kids. I now feel guilty like I am leaving him out. This is off the back of me not replying last night. Also this:
You need to work out what you want in the present and in the future with us. And tell me

Is this not all a bit dramatic? !

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 15/08/2013 12:42

He's not for you and the kids Hoopers. I'd just finish it.

DontActuallyLikePrunes · 15/08/2013 12:42

Anyone who is like this when you have 4 kids and it's the summer holidays....do you want more of that?!

LemonPeculiarJones · 15/08/2013 12:47

He sounds like a complete waste of time.

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 12:49

It's doing my head in a bit. He has split up with me 5 times and proposed marriage countless more times. I didn't include him in plans because when I made them we had separated. I can't even be arsed to tell l this. Really don't feel like jollying out of his sulk this time. I have been a bit less communicative this week, for sure, but if you we're bothered about your relationship would you use it as a platform to bring all this up? Especially as he was due here for the weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 12:50

Tell him, not tell I. Went a bit rasta then.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 15/08/2013 12:51

Whatever instinctive doubts you have had, have been confirmed for you really wouldn't you say?
What a prat (him not you obviously)

IslaValargeone · 15/08/2013 12:52

If we are continuing the rasta theme, you is well rid.

Original poster
HoopersGinger · 15/08/2013 12:55

Haha :) Does he really sound that bad?

OP posts:
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