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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp just blew up at me again and im terrified.

300 replies

tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:44

Im in trouble again and i want to leave but i cant,i cant protect myself or my kids from it,all verbal so far,feel so bad ive stated cutting myself again.

OP posts:
Esmummy · 31/05/2006 09:45

Oh dear :(

Have you posted about this before ? What did he do ?

foundintranslation · 31/05/2006 09:49

Why are you 'in trouble again'?
Why can't you leave?
Keep posting.

blueteddy · 31/05/2006 09:50

Hi, tyedye. Sorry to hear things are bad again.Sad What's been happening?

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:51

Im on the drinkers thread,mentioned bits.He shouts at me,then picks on my 2 kids about everything,the worst bit is he starts to calm down,then flashes again without warning,this goes on for weeks ata time and i am a nervous wreck.This time he discovered i was hiding something from him again,i avoid telling him things that will set him off,but then of course,if he finds out its worse and he brings everything up for as far back as he can think of.ive told him im terrified of him but he says i should "get a grip"

OP posts:
Piffle · 31/05/2006 09:52

keep posting, where are you (loosely) can anyoen here offer any practical help if you need it?

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:54

I cant leave because i have nowhere to go,no money,his little kids adore him,our son,5 in particular is devoted to him and would be utterly destroyed.Hi BT x

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:54

Loosely?East Anglia.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 31/05/2006 09:55

He sounds like a nasty piece of work.
Can you not get some kind of help?

blueteddy · 31/05/2006 09:57

How old are your children? Sorry if you have already said.

Piffle · 31/05/2006 09:58

Honey take a deep breath, if he is hurting your kids with this abuse, then the kids are better of out of it, I know you are drinking a lot and I know why xx
Your kids will be ok away from him, it might be the trigger that forces him to seek help.

SSSandy · 31/05/2006 09:58

tyedye, his kids will adore him even more, if they're not subjected to his verbal abuse. It won't destroy the kids or you if you leave.

Why are you cutting yourself? Please don't. Is this something you did before being with him? Imagine how you would feel if he behaved this way with your kids or your kids saw you cut yourself and copied it?

You really must get out of that situation, at least for a time.

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:00

I try and see it as mental illness,hes in permanent pain,not an excuse i know,hes a very emotional,paranoid person,very controlling.
But he gets angrier with me the more anxious and upset i get,then starts ranting about never getting any sex,wanting a "normal"relationship...why would i want sex with that!!?All i want is fucking normal relationship as well!!If i vanish,hes come back.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 31/05/2006 10:00

Speaking to your HV is a good starting point.

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:02

He doesnt abuse his kids,its my 2 big ones from my x(also a bastard)

OP posts:
SSSandy · 31/05/2006 10:02

tyedye, he definitely has serious problems, that's clear. However you are not his (verbal) punching ball. Do you have an alcohol problem yourself? Is it because of that you're afraid to leave? Are you worried he will have the kids taken away from you, something like that?

blueteddy · 31/05/2006 10:03

Seeing him verbally abusing you is bound to affect your kids though.

blueteddy · 31/05/2006 10:05

The fact you are cutting yourself is very worrying. Please try & seek some help.Sad

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:05

I drink way too much,as an anaesthetic.not to the point of losing my kids tho!I wish i hadnt mentioned the cutting,its rare,and a kind of pressure valve when i feel like i going to go stark raving mad!

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:12

What will my hv do? at risk register?feeling paranoid myself.

OP posts:
SSSandy · 31/05/2006 10:12

tyedye what solution do you see long-term?

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:13

I cant see a solution,thats why i feel so desperate,his mother is abused by his father.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 31/05/2006 10:15

No, HV will not put you on at risk register, she will try & help you. At risk register is a real last resort.

SSSandy · 31/05/2006 10:15

tyedye, do you mean his father physically abuses his mother? Does he hit her?

Original poster
tyedye · 31/05/2006 10:16

No he shouts at her,very similar.

OP posts:
SSSandy · 31/05/2006 10:17

tyedye, what feelings do you have left for him (apart from fear)?

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