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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp just blew up at me again and im terrified.

300 replies

tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:44

Im in trouble again and i want to leave but i cant,i cant protect myself or my kids from it,all verbal so far,feel so bad ive stated cutting myself again.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 27/06/2006 17:18

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OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 27/06/2006 17:40

Why are you feeling so bad, tyedye?
Is it due to the agents coming round today?
I found the day we put our house up for sale, was one of my lowest points.
Things will get better for you, tyedye, but I know the getting there is so painful.
Thinking of you.x

Original poster
tyedye · 27/06/2006 20:35

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fattiemumma · 27/06/2006 23:33

hun you are incredibly strong.

you must remember that none of this has been yoru doing and that everything your doing is for the wellbeing of you and yoru children.

you are being excpetionally strong and i have the upmost repsect for you.

Lemmingswife · 28/06/2006 07:35

Oh, tyedye. It is horrible having the agents round. I hated the day they put our house up for sale, as things suddenly feel very real & scary.
You are being amazingly strong.

Original poster
tyedye · 28/06/2006 09:54

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glitterfairy · 28/06/2006 12:09

Procrastinating is fine it is a huge decision and time should be taken over it. All of your options need thinking about and if you do it in a rush then you will beat yourself up about it!

I would rather act though than not and whilst I took a lot of prodding from counsellors and the police finally did. I am not saying I have not regreted it at times but I know I feel safe and in many ways much happier now.

Original poster
tyedye · 28/06/2006 15:02

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Lemmingswife · 28/06/2006 15:55

I know that feeling of things getting a bit much & wanting to tread water for a bit, as I felt a little like that a few months back.
You don't need to rush into anything drastic, so long as you & your children are safe & not suffering as a result of his abuse.
It has taken me quite a while to get to where I am today, but I have been gradually taking little steps over the last year.
I do feel you need to taking steps to protect you & your children - even if you are not ready to leave yet.
Seek appropriate support - be it from womans aid, your HV, support groups etc & take steps to protect yourself.

Original poster
tyedye · 28/06/2006 16:01

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Lemmingswife · 28/06/2006 16:05

That's good. Is this an escape plan that was suggested from someone at WA?
I have that escape pack with various different contacts in, if you would be interested.
It was given to me last summer by my HV & is in a brown envelope in my locker at work.
If you want it I will get it sent to you, but understand if you are nervous about having something like that in your home.

Lemmingswife · 28/06/2006 16:11

After I confided in my HV, she encouraged me to go along to a group for women who have suffered abuse. It was called freedom training & was run by two social workers. It was a real eye opener.
I wonder if you could find out if any courses like this are available near you.

Original poster
tyedye · 28/06/2006 17:18

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Original poster
tyedye · 28/06/2006 21:10

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Lemmingswife · 29/06/2006 00:19

No worries!

Original poster
tyedye · 29/06/2006 17:20

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glitterfairy · 29/06/2006 18:08

Tyedye not you! Do not beat yourself up for losing it. Womens Aid say that most female violence is in response to male violence and only happens when women are at the end of their tether. For example the statistics show that women usually only call the police after at least 8 incidents of violence towards them.

At least you only smashed the work surface but this is an example of why you need to leave. As my counsellor pointed out if I was in the kitchen and being strangled and a knife was nearby woudl I use it? I said yes and she said get out of there then.

You are under so much pressure at the moment it is horrendous please do not blame yourself for losing it once.

Lemmingswife · 29/06/2006 19:59

Oh no, tyedye.
What's happened?

Original poster
tyedye · 29/06/2006 20:27

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Lemmingswife · 29/06/2006 20:37

Oh, tyedye. You really, really cannot go on like this.
Please seek help to free yourself. The fact that you are cutting yourself is really worrying.
Please take care.x

Original poster
tyedye · 30/06/2006 10:31

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glitterfairy · 30/06/2006 10:37

There are some really good groups for help wiht self harm though tyedye and it can be for a variety of reasons. How are your escape plans going? Perhaps moving into your mums might be the answer do you get on with her?

Lemmingswife · 30/06/2006 14:15

Maybe moving in with your Mum would not be a bad idea, tyedye. Saying that, I have no idea of how your relationship with your Mum is.
You really need to break free somehow.
Are you still in contact with womans aid?

MrBacchus · 30/06/2006 15:27

People who remain in abusive relationships end up dead. If not phyiscally then emotionally.

The abused partner can aways see some 'reason' or 'excuse' for the behaviour, if you didn't you wouldn't stay.

Domestic violence helpline - 0808 2000 247

It can't hurt to call.

Lemmingswife · 30/06/2006 15:43

Give them a call, tyedye. We are all very worried for you.

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