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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp just blew up at me again and im terrified.

300 replies

tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:44

Im in trouble again and i want to leave but i cant,i cant protect myself or my kids from it,all verbal so far,feel so bad ive stated cutting myself again.

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 09:44

Are you okay, tyedye?

Original poster
tyedye · 01/07/2006 15:44

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 01/07/2006 15:47

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 16:15

Worried about you, tyedye. Are things okay atm?

Lemmingswife · 01/07/2006 16:35

What's been happening?

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 10:08

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 10:13

Escape? How are the plans going?

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 10:16

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 10:39

You don't have to sleep with him, tyedye!

Have you been to CAB yet?

Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 10:43

I am not suprised you are feeling depressed. Living in the conditions you are is bound to make you feel very down.
You need to talk to someone & get some kind of help.
How old are your children?

monkeytrousers · 02/07/2006 10:44

Are your children witnessing this violence from you both? And the cuts after you self harm?

How old is you ds? It's a lot to ask a child to be your sympathetic ear..

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 13:22

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 13:29

So what has been happening recently, tyedye?
Have things calmed down again?
You sound very very unhappy, which is hardly suprising in the circumstances.
Have you contacted womans aid?
I sense that you are not ready to leave yet, but I feel you need to get some professional help & support.

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 13:40

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 13:41

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 14:33

Has he been to his gp regarding counselling sessions?
My H had a session of counselling sessions quite recently. He wasn't keen about going, but I told him that he either had to try some kind of anger management, or I would have to leave for the childrens sake.
This discussion happened a year back & he did go to the gp & ask to be put down for some kind of anger management (which was done through the counselling sessions) & he was then put on a waiting list.
He had to wait around 6 months before the sessions were available for him, but it was all done on the NHS. I have also had counselling through the NHS, but I only had around a 6 week wait. It varies from surgery to surgery.
As you have a pre school child, would you consider talking to your HV?
As you can probably see from my thread, my HV has been an amazing support to me throughout the last year & is still supporting me now.
She suggested I went for more counselling sessions & arranged for me to go on waiting list for them, visited me every 2 weeks to see how things were going, told me about the freedom training programme & even came along to the sessions with me, she also arranged for me to see a DV support woman at her house. She has been amazing!
It might be worth you talking to your HV, especially as you say you feel depressed & are self harming.

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 15:13

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 15:36

Tyedye womens aid have provided me wiht the most wonderful counsellor ever who is very experienced in abuse. I see her every week and go to the womens aid centre to see her. It is free which has been a godsend.

I went with my kids to relate for family counselling as well and they ask you to pay what you can afford. It really helped my kids come to terms with the abuse they had witnessed and my ds to talk through what X had done to him. They ahd seen things I had no idea they had seen like him kicking the dog down the stairs when he was angry.

All Gps are different but mine has been useless. The womens Aid people said my X didnt need anger management as he was really good at it! They said abusive men are only abusive when they can be but they dont throw their dinner (whihc mine did) at their colleagues when they are cross at work do they? They are very controlled about their anger and only let it out when it is ok. So often they save it until they are able to let it out on the woman!

Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 15:45

My H claims that he didn't realise he had a problem with control, until his counsellor pointed it out to him!
He thinks the sessions helped him to think before he exploded in one of his temper outbursts, but he connected this mostly with controlling his road rage.
He had the minimum 6 sessions & says that he thinks he had them too late & the damage in our relationship was too far advanced.
His reaction to me getting in late was proof to me that he hadn't changed, but I had to feel I done everything I could do to try & change the situation, before taking the drastic route of seperation.
Intresting point about how they would not explode in that way with a work colleague, though, GF. That is very true!

tribpot · 02/07/2006 15:46

I know this isn't directly helpful, but, inspired by the number of threads going on at the moment with a similar theme, I have decided to set up a standing order to Women's Aid. Clearly the work they're doing is making a huge difference to so many families.

Original poster
tyedye · 02/07/2006 15:55

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Lemmingswife · 02/07/2006 15:58

That's a lovely thing to do, tribpot.

tribpot · 02/07/2006 16:14

And just in case ...

Link to tyedye's domestic violence support club from here too!

glitterfairy · 02/07/2006 16:44

Oh Well done tyedye. I am thinking of ways in which I can help them as well as I owe them so much.

Lemmingswife · 10/07/2006 13:24

Shibori - can you let us know if you are ok?
Very worried about you after reading your later posts on my thread last night.

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