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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dp just blew up at me again and im terrified.

300 replies

tyedye · 31/05/2006 09:44

Im in trouble again and i want to leave but i cant,i cant protect myself or my kids from it,all verbal so far,feel so bad ive stated cutting myself again.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 05/06/2006 12:34

Fattiemumma,thank you so much,funnily enough,im about an hour from west sussex border(i think)but i need to stay localish,schools,gcse"s etc...
Im staggered so far at the resilience of my children to being put down and critisised constantly,and deeply ashamed.Angry

OP posts:
Blu · 05/06/2006 12:57

tyedye - well done for persisting with the conversations with the women's aid person. I have been lurking on your threads from a distance - others have so much more advice, but I wanted to say i think you are doing the right thing in protecting your children. I was very distressed to read about your poor lad and his shredded socks. poor love. He will be very happy that you plan to rescue him from this abuse.

So sorry to hear about your worries about symptoms - but you're looking after yourself - good luck.

blueteddy · 05/06/2006 20:13

Hope you are okay tonight, tyedye.

fattiemumma · 05/06/2006 23:02

good luck with the appoitnment at teh Doc's your right to getyourself a really good plan of action sorted first. it will make your, well i dont like the term escape as it seems a bit over dramatic but it'll have to do as its all i can think of.

Im glad your talking to someone and they are able to give yor some good and ongoing support. be carefull he diesnt realise what it is your planning, maybe change your passwords etc on the pc.

you are absolutly doing the right thing and i wish you every ounc of good luck i can mustre.
as for the pelvic exam....fingers crossed its just a fals alarm. you can do without this aded pressure right now, but good on you for getting it checked out.

Original poster
tyedye · 06/06/2006 12:22

Its an "erosion"causing irregular bleeding,been referred to gynae"Dr not concerned as pelvic exam normal!Thanks for support.x

OP posts:
blueteddy · 06/06/2006 12:37

Sorry, tyedye, didn't realise you had this extra worry too.
How are things?

blueteddy · 06/06/2006 12:50

Glad to hear doctor is not concerned. That must be reassuring for you.
My sister had an erosion which caused irregular bleeding, years back. She is fine now.
How are things at home?

Original poster
tyedye · 06/06/2006 14:12

Tense.

OP posts:
blueteddy · 06/06/2006 14:21

Is he still having the temper outbursts, or have they calmed down now?

Original poster
tyedye · 06/06/2006 14:35

I never know whn the next one will flash,thats why ots so tense.BBLXXX

OP posts:
blueteddy · 06/06/2006 14:37

I know.Sad Have you tried to talk to him over the last week?
Is he aware of the affect he is having on you & the children?

glitterfairy · 06/06/2006 18:10

ALl I know tyedye is that you have to make decisions whihc are really hard and which all of us no matter how hard it was hated making. Staying and working it through is as big and difficult as leaving even though it sometimes doesnt seem that way.

It depends on whether you think he can change and get help. WOmens aid are good at sorting this stuff out with you and certainly the advice I got was that they had only know two men who were violent who had changed and not much at that.

I know that my kids often say how much better things are now and when they do something wrong how glad they are that their dad is not around to go mental about it and take out his temper on them. IN many ways they want a dad and family but I think in the long run they will be happier.

I know that I hated the fact that all the responsibility for doing something about what was esentially his problem rested with me but I guess that this is what women have struggled with for years. It is really hard and being ill does not help. Keep posting and you will get loads of support.

glitterfairy · 06/06/2006 18:11

PS I made loads of mistakes over this and the way I handled things but in the end know I have made the right decision and have not blamed myself for some of the really really bad things I did as well. You need to take care of yourself as well in all of this.

suejonez · 06/06/2006 18:24

I had an erosion too, in my case caused by being on the pill. Went I stopped taking the pill it cleared up. I beleive its very common, so don't worry.

blueteddy · 06/06/2006 18:30

That is very sobering info, glitterfairy, that womens aid have only known of two cases where violent men have changed.
How long were you in an abusive relationship for?

tyedye, I really hope things are calm for you this evening. It sounds like you are very frightened of his outbursts & that they are happening very frequently. It really is no way to live.
I hope you get the support you need.

glitterfairy · 06/06/2006 22:46

16 years blueteddy and I made a mess out of ending it by clinging on after having an affair in desperation and then like a fool letting him be vengeful and pay me back big style!

He is still very very angry and vengeful adn as everyone says is using every means he has to make my life a misery. He has been arrested and loads of other stuff.

In the end my advice would be have courage and do the thing you need to for yourself and the kids. If I had it to do again I would not have had the affair and would just have had the courage to leave. I think the worst thing is that your self esteem gets blasted apart by these men and the name calling alone is enough to make you doubt yourself. But having been through the mill and in some respects still going through it I have to say it takes a massive amount of guts.

blueteddy · 06/06/2006 22:54

Sounds like you really went through a tough time, glitterfairy. I remember reading bits of your thread, but have a useless memory.
Was he just verbally abusive or physical too?

Sorry you are still having a hard time with him, but am glad you have finally broken free. Must have been hard after 16 years, but I bet you are pleased you made the break now.

Original poster
tyedye · 07/06/2006 10:10

Glitterfairy,well done,i admire your courage and honesty.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyedye · 08/06/2006 13:35

He actually thinks that things are settling down,hes killed my feelings for him,im going to pretend as much as i can whilst i prepare to leave-and not dwell on howw fucking destroyed our little boy in particular is going to be.SadSadSadSadAngry

OP posts:
blueteddy · 08/06/2006 17:19

Have you made a definite decision to leave, tyedye?
Have you tried to speak to him about all this & made him realise how serious it is?

glitterfairy · 08/06/2006 20:26

If he is emotionally abusive talking may not help. Leaving and getting some distance on the whole thing may though.

Blueteddy he was emotionally and physically abusive also to my ds who he hit round the head and pulled round the house by his ears! I kind of turned a blind eye as I had lost all self respect and confidence until someone came along who taught me that life doesnt have to be like that.

Original poster
tyedye · 10/06/2006 10:17

My ds showed me a verruca on his foot this morning,i also noticed several huge deep,peeling blisters.from THAT night when he ran away in his sock feet!that was at least three weeks ago,and his feet are still in an appalling state!!!!ShockAngry

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 10/06/2006 10:44

That is enough to convince anyone that he is abusive tyedye.

blueteddy · 10/06/2006 11:56

ShockSad How awful, GF! Glad you have escaped from that awful relationship.

I hope all is okay with you, tyedye.

blueteddy · 10/06/2006 11:57

Feel very sad for your poor DS, tyedye. I hope you manage to release yourself & your children from this Hell.Sad