dp just blew up at me again and im terrified.

[tyedye]

Im in trouble again and i want to leave but i cant,i cant protect myself or my kids from it,all verbal so far,feel so bad ive stated cutting myself again.

Have you tried talking to him & telling him how his temper scares you?
I really feel for you.

Ive begged him,shaking and crying on numerous occasions,he just gets angry,thats where the self harm comes in,that level of stress,fear and pain has to go somewhere!

Oh, how awful - poor you.
Has he ever been physically violent or is it all verbal?

Hes smashed stuff,and shoved me a couple of times,but i do shout back,i have the weakness of protecting my kids,so i try and soothe the situation for their sakes usually,if he actually hit me i would call 999 and have him removed,permanently,and he knows it!

Sounds very scary.
Listen - CAT me if you want to. I do understand some of what you are going through.
Please seek some help won't you?

Sorry hon, I have to go...looking after my nephew today. Please email whenever you get he chance. I know the cycle of self-destructive behaviour. It's worse when you have to be strong for everyone else as well. You are a worthwhile person who deserves a happy, fulfilled life with your children...now you just have to believe that!

I'll be thinking of you today, and wishing you all positive thoughts. Take care of yourself ((((hugs)))) xxxx

Thanks BT,and kok" I am seeking help,All my life i have been treated like dirt by men,i do not intend to see that happen to my daughters any more than it already has,or intend to see my sons lonely and bitter because they grew up in an environment that taught them that that was how you relate to your partner.Our 5 year old ds shouts at me already!My big ds has a habit of treating me with the cold contempt HIS father treated me,its shit and i have had enough but i need to be a bit clever about it,and also to mourn the end of this family life,again

Glad to hear that you are seeking help. I know it is really hard for you.
Take care of yourself.xx

Thanks.xx

Mourning is good tyedye and we all need to do it but I found practical stuff focused my mind and made me get on with life.

I hope all goes well this week with WA. As I said I go once a week and they have been incredible and believed me all the time. Your partner sounds like someone with real problems. Some of the worst behaviour is when people can appear charming and normal in public and then be absolute SOBs in private. It is really hard when everyone tells you how nice they are and you know the truth. Luckily for me my x only managed to keep that up with a few people not with everyone. My close friends and family saw him for what he was and even those who like him have been appalled at his behaviour post split.

I am thinking of you.

I split with my ex 10 years ago,but back to court with HIM very soon,hes a pig,its a bit like 2 billy goats.Sometimes i feel like disappearing abroad some where!

Apart from dp"s chronic intolerance of my kids,daily aggro etc,there was one appalling row 3 weeks ago,ds-15(mine)was phoning his girlfriend every night,me,fluffy cow that i am,didnt think that he might be phoning her mobile,which he wasdp confronted him in a very aggressive manner,which ds "took"at first,but then got an ickle bit defensive,dp went NUTS!!!!bad language warning-"You Fucking little Shit!your heading for a smack!your a fucking little twat just like your fucking father!
ds exits at this point.I stood over him shaking and crying asking him what the hell he thought he was doing to his family.heard my son leaveing by the back door,we live miles from anywhere,no streetlights-nothing.He raved at me then went to bed,knowing my son was out there somewhere,he locked the doors and hid the keys so he couldnt get back in.I have SPARES!Ha
ds cae in several hours later,the police had been searching but he came home,he only had socks on and his feet were shredded.dp insists that he was hiding in our caravan all along.He wasnt,he could hardly walk.

This is just awful. Your poor DS.
Please, please seek some help. This man sounds very damaging.

Its never been THAT bad,i am preparing the "safety plan"Womensaid recommend.I just feel sick,hes trying to make up for it,but not very well.

THere is absolutely no excuse for violence from anyone but from an adult towards a child it is intolerable. I put up with it for too long and it is right that I am now standing up for my ds. I feel ashamed that I didnt before and I promise you tyedye you will feel better if you stand up to this bully that you are with.

He needs to be told that this behaviour is unacceptable and if you cant do it (and as I said I understand why) call the police or social services but stop him now.

the safety plan sounds good and not just for you but your family as well.

Hes coming in now!eeugh!

Hes in and out,he seems to be trying to gloss over it,he said it was my fault for not stopping my son from sticking up for himself.He even said that although he had lost his temper,"he hadnt hit him"OH WELL THATS ALRIGHT THEN!!!!!!!!Talk about crossing the line,i have promised my son that he will NOT be subjected to that again,i am preparing to leave.

I put all my capital in this bloody house,need legal advice,womensaid again!

You seem to be living a life of complete fear. It sounds terrible & will be also having an affect on your children.
You definitely need help here. Speak to someone about this, please.

The CAB may be a good starting place.

Womens aid will sort out the threats and they have a helpline go online and sort something out please.

tyedye....the shoving is the very first symptom. he is an violent agressive man and it will not be long before he hits either you or your ds.
im sorry i know its a bit harsh but please dont wait toll it gets to that point. there are many of us here who have survived to tell our tales....there are also hundreds ( 1 woman a week is killed by her partner) who dont!

you NEED! to get out and you NEED to get help.
i dont know where abouts in the country you are but if your anywhere near me hell i will put you up (i'm in west sussex)

dont worry about the house. onceyou out the people at Womens aid or the CAB will help you sort that out.
If you have any family or freinds nearby...go see them for a few nights. then whilst your away you can get a non molestation and residency order.
this means he cannot threaten or intimidate you and he will have to leave the house until you are able to sort it all out formally.

as i said before my email is fattiemumma at msn dot com

you can add me to messenger or just email but i am happy to offer a shoulder to cry on, a kick up the bum, or some advice from someone who hsa been there.

Can you CAT me, id on't know if you have seen my threads under other subjects, I can give you my number maybe taking to someone who has been through similar will help a bit

Im paralysed with depression today,hes trying,to be "normal"This particular episode was the worst ever,whilst he was coming off anti-ds,no excuse i know,but im not as scared right now,but i Am preparing a safety plan,and awaiting further advice via email from womensaid.Tomorrow,i have to go for a pelvic exam re very worrying symptoms,im just trying to psyche myself up for that.I feel like i will wake up in a minute and itwas all a nightmareThank you so much FM and CKM and BTetc...xxx