I can't seem to be friends with men without them trying it on

[Isitallmyfault]

Is it my fault? Do I give off some weird kind of vibe? I'm married. Whenever I have a male friend they absolutely always try it on or an inappropriate. I don't even think I'm pretty this is no way a stealth boast. I'm so fed up with it. Maybe I give off a cheap/slut vibe or maybe I encourage it somehow. So pissed off at being flung into yet another awkward situation.

It seems anyone though Mrs, no matter who. Married or not. I don't understand it.

It's hard to tell what's going on....

I think it depends on what kind of friendship you've got and what kind of 'trying it on' they're doing. You could just be picking the wrong types of guy friends?

What kind of thing are we talking about?

How do you socialise with them?

Do male colleagues you don't socialise with also try it on?

Are you very flirty and touchy feely? (not saying it's your fault, but they could be misinterpreting signals)

How do you dress
Do you spend hours listening to them
Does it happen in party/drink situations
Is it possible that wrong rumours have gone round about you
How do you get all the male friends in the first place?

Socialise in groups only

Dress like Nora Batty!

Be very business like so as not to invite funny ideas/actions
try to matchmake them with gorgeous single friends

No body contact so no kiss/hug hello

Leave a space between you by putting your bag on the seat so they cant sit next to you

See if that works, I found it worked for me

Bloody hell! If you need to change how you dress and behave in order to have male friends are they really worth the bother?

How are they innappropriate, exactly? It's quite common to have a bit of gentle flirting between friends of the opposite sex, as long as the borders are clear to both.

I think it's a bit early to say they 'sound like pigs' - it could be they're making suggestive comments the OP is not comfortable with, without realising they've overstepped the mark. I've got female friends who flirt with me outrageously and others who don't.

Of course they could just be pigs. Or the OP could be acting inappropriately with them, and not realise it (she hasn't responded yet to the questions, I'm not saying she is, just that she could be)

Not all men do this, not by a long chalk.

So perhaps your question might be 'why are the only men I meet and who show an interest in me utter tossers'. For the flaws are in them.

You want to bring a different kind of person into you life. That includes the nuts and bolts of where you socialise and what you do.

I am wondering if you have recently been through a break up. If you are still carrying baggage of damage from previous relationship/s, then decent men respect the vulnerability and tend to be more circumspect: the tossers plough on regardless and so are more noticeable.

You say you are married, but not happily married.

Could you be giving unconscious signs?

I didn't see her say that, Lweji - just that she was married

What age are you? Where do these inappropriate actions take place?

Sorry didnt mean to disappear was busy with school rins and house stuff.

I'm under 30, have dc. I don't think I'm flirty, not sure I even know how to flirt. I do have a rep for being a bit um, wild I guess, men often say imagine if we were together it'd be so fun etc, its often joked that I should be swapped for current gf/wife. It's always socially I know them. Often it'll be texts or stuff they say or just blatant trying it on.

I'm not touchy feely more man like if anything.

Oh heck. Sounds like it is your um, reputation then.
I have never known how that is overturned, so I will leave others to guide you on that part.

I don't mean a rep for men just I don't know people think I'm fun, does that make sense

Yes I think that makes sense.
I do think there are some women, who appear fun and are fun. And I would imagine they would have to dodge certain men.
What does your DH have to say about all this?

Why do these male acquaintances have your personal mobile number ? I only give that out to close friends and family that I trust implicitly. That is common sense.

Tell us what has happened on this particular occasion.

Bloody hell, that's a bit extreme AF!

OP is the problem that you are choosing friends who turn out to be knobs and then not maintaining boundaries/dropping them when you find this out?

I've got quite a few male friends, I've dropped a pervy one relatively recently (AF remembers biker twat). I don't think it's me, it's him, he's a perv. I think men who see women as people generally don't see friendship or pleasantness or interest as an invitation.

Some times in a mixed sex friendship one person can fall for the other but then you cut contact and when it passes you can pick up the friendship again I've found. I think this is less of a problem than men who just generally view women as good for sex and not much else and therefore try to steer a friendship towards that direction. There are plenty of those sexual incontinent users around tbh and it's always their problem and easy for you to deal with by replying "that's really offensive" and stopping speaking to them.

The numbers thing I think is a bit silly. Whatever the specifics the problem is not that you need to lock yourself in a tower to avoid men being affected by your femininity!

I will not change my dress to avoid these men. They are easy to spot if they are provoked by my lack of dowdiness... All the better for me, I'll waste less time on them.

It was a simple question, Offy. I don't give my number out to acquaintances. I don't think that is a very earth-shattering attitude to have.

There seems to have been a recent incident that has prompted OP to question her own behaviour. I was asking her what that was. It is rather difficult to comment further without more info.

Meh, I thought she said friends rather than acquaintances. I generally do give out my number but it is available on t'interweb anyway pretty freely so people could find it by googling me anyway. I don't think the number thing is the problem. I think you have to learn how to deal with pervy men or men who turn out to be pervs. I've got much better at it recently, much better!

But yeah, it is hard to know what's going on without an explanation e.g. My sister is always reading into things if she is speaking to men that if a woman said she'd pay no attention to but equally I know it is common for men to view women as sex objects and be unable to relate to them as people...

I don't give my personal number out to female acquaintances either, btw.

Fuck me don't change how you dress! Maybe check you're not giving them the come on accidentally but if it isn't anything you're doing (which it sounds like it isn't!) then they're just being nobbers.

Some people are quite flirty without doing it on purpose. I don't know, since I've been living with my now DH, I never had men approaching me with a hidden agenda. I was never flirty or bubbly or girly, even though I'm petite and quite feminine in looks.

I had a couple of guys fancying me before we lived together but since then, never ever. I was never interested in anybody else either.