Thank you for your reply, Isit. It must have been a bit scary to read your whole thread! I'm sorry to hear somebody abused the child you were :(
I agree that your early experiences are likely to have left you vulnerable (attracting twats, therefore) and with odd boundaries, which can throw anybody off balance, twat or not. There's another thing which you may not wish to read in the next paragraph, about boundaries and expectations.
Sexual abuse in childhood can have very confusing effects on the child's sense of identity growing up. While knowing it was wrong and that she was abused by someone who should have known better, she was nonetheless a child and, as such, being shaped by the actions and attitudes of those around her. She was sexualised too young by an abuser - and, too often, given implicit or explicit messages by her 'responsible' adults that she should go along with it. One frequent consequence of this is that she grows up to perceive her identity - her value and purpose, if you like - as a temptress of men. This can happen against all conscious choices and decisions, as it had with my rehab friend. Despite knowing 80% of the safe social 'rules', those misplaced boundaries and abusive training/grooming will show up in her behaviours.
One completely inevitable effect of childhood abuse, by the way, is that it leaves us too tolerant of twattish/abusive behaviours in others. As this plays out, then, you tend not to fuck people off when they first show a 'red flag'. This emboldens them. As they move through the steps of an "abusive dance" (social interactions with boundary-pushing,) we automatically respond in ways that encourage their bad behaviour. It's not our fault - it's the fault of those who taught us, as children, to be abused. But if we want to alter this, it is down to us to find out how and to make the changes. The good news is that therapy teaches us how, and we do learn.
I hope you're feeling okay about your replies.