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Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/05/2013 10:05

Online dating?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:07

yep.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/05/2013 10:13

There you go then. I think 99% of the men on those things are just up for a shag and, once mission accomplished, they move onto the next one. Don't blame yourself therefore, just look elsewhere for male companionship.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:17

easier said than done that, though isnt it.

Im not blaming myself in anyway either, its just a bit exhausting and predictable and im fed up with it.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/05/2013 10:18

Yes it's easier said than done but the easy route - online dating - is hardly doing anything positive for you at the moment. Definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Time to change strategy....

Hashtagwhatever · 25/05/2013 10:19

What was his excuse as to canceling the plans last night?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:20

Which i do try.
Its not like i would ignore someone in rl if they approached me, or wouldnt flirt and try with someone in rl. Ive been trying that for a long time too and have had a total of 0 results.

OP posts:
EternalRose · 25/05/2013 10:40

Sorry this has happened...

I hope you dont mind me giving you this advice (and I hope it doesn't offend) but I would definitely change strategy. In my opinion, a few dates is not enough time to ascertain whether someone is giving you all the 'BS' or genuinely cares about you. Men know women want relationships so will immediately say 'all the right things' to get you into bed and then F off. It is therefore up to us to allow them to show us their true character. This can only be achieved over a longer period of time...it is much, much harder to come across like a nice, respectful,caring person, when really you are a dick over a longer period. Give it enough time, and the red flags will be waving and you would be thinking, 'Thank God, I didn't sleep with you'...

I am sure some people will come along and say, 'if they are going to vanish, they are going to vanish sex or no sex' which is true to extent. But my point still stands that if you have given enough time to assess his character you would of probably picked up subtle indicators of who he really is, and thus chose not to go there.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:43

And if i faniced him and wanted to sleep with him too.... because its not 1950 and i wanted to for my own enjoyment.

Im not upset about having slept with him, im just annoyed that its just a pattern of behaviour men have. and i was excited at the prospect of this turning into ' something'

which its clearly not going to.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/05/2013 10:48

OK so - being analytical - flirting in RL isn't working and internet dating isn't working but there must be other options. Personally, I've often had more success with people I've met through mutual interests (music in my case), getting to know them as friends first (no flirting) and graduating things from there

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:52

hashtag - he just didnt mention it again. last i heard from him was wednesday, when he took 12 hours to reply to a text i sent wishing him goodluck for something. I replied again to his text in the morning, because he text so late i was asleep, and ive not heard from him since.

cogito - yeah, ive not met anyone that way, ive also tried the friends of friends thing, but noone seems to know anyone single, unless they are single for a reason, in which case im not interested.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 25/05/2013 13:15

I had a three week rule. No sex for three weeks. If the guy was interest he was more than willing to wait for three weeks even more.

Those who were after a shag were gone in 2. Was a good way to find out d he was genuine or not.

I did not tell said man this though in case he saw it as a challenge.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 13:36

this was over 6 weeks, so longer and would have fallen foul of that rule.

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 25/05/2013 13:58

How many dates had you been on? I don't think it is all about how long, some guys string out that first bit anyway.

I think, having seen a couple of my friends bang their head on the brick wall of internet dating, that it encourages a very transient 'boy in a sweetshop' mentality in which guys are happy to hook up or have a few dates, but are not really into having long-term relationships. I think certain websites are worst for this, and certain age groups and locations- 30 year olds in London seem to behave like 20 year olds. My friend wanted to find a guy, not older than 30, with no children, single, professional, tall dark and handsome, in London who was really keen to settle down- this just seems to not go together! I suggested widening the age criterion and spending longer getting to know people- she also slept with quite a few men early on and then got very hurt, clearly if all she'd been after was sex, this would have been fine but she didn't and she read it as relationship interest when it wasn't.

I don't know the answer, you do seem to have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince, and I do also think hanging out on well-known sites lilke PoF or match, meeting young hot guys isn't the right market for the settling down types, - you may not use them anyway.

Mumsyblouse · 25/05/2013 13:59

I meant that online dating encourages a sweetshop mentality whereby if you are not perfect, or they are not interested in committing, then they can simply drop you and find another 'you' (young, single, female, attractive) very quickly.

peeriebear · 25/05/2013 14:01

Ask him maybe? "Is that it then? You got laid, you've moved on?"

RafaellaNhaKyria · 25/05/2013 14:11

Hi samethingdifferentman Smile That totally sucks, I hear where you're coming from because the same thing happened to me two weeks ago. Very disappointing, isn't it? I don't believe they're all like that though.

If you'd like, come join the Dating Thread. It's a lovely bunch all dipping our toes in the water. Some have been in longer and have good advice to give. And really, it's just nice to have a place to come screech "aaaaaaeeeeeeiiii! I have a date!!!!"

Onesleeptillwembley · 25/05/2013 14:14

There's no putting this delicately, do you do anything weird during sex? Someone I worked with dumped a person because they howled (literally) during sex. Grin

WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 14:16

I couldn't spend six weeks with someone if I wasn't interested. And it'd kill me to go 6 weeks before sleeping with someone I was interested in.

In these six weeks had you been texting a go go every day up until you slept with each other, chatting on the phone, meeting up once or twice a a week? Or was it a bit more casual? Was he dating other people too? It's easy enough to exchange a handful of texts and meet up a few times without feeling at all committed, while you're doing other things and other people and so get sex at some point as your 'reward'.

I've done a bit of online dating and most of my experience (from previous singledom years back) was that I went on a few first dates and was never interested in seeing them again. This time my experience is I flip through profiles and can't even work up any interest, mostly.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:21

haha, i love that it must be something i have done, not that he is a shit.

no, i did nothing wrong during sex Hmm

it was 6 weeks with 4 dates, spaced out, odd texts every few days.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 25/05/2013 14:22

Be careful of using sex as a doggy treat to train them into committing. Not only does it not work, it's frankly unethical. There's nothing wrong with having sex because you want to have sex - and please bear in mind that until you've had sex with a man, you don't know if he's any good at it, and it would be a bit grim to do the ghastly misogynistic Rules type strategy of making him wait until he's madly in love, then finding out that he has a willy like a blue mushroom and slobbers all the way through, and you go right off him...

Also, bear in mind that being fixated on Having A Relationship can be a bit unhealthy - if the main thing you are looking for is his willingness to commit, watch you don't overlook major negative qualities like possessiveness, meanness, racism or not bathing enough.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:23

i am not bothered about the sex.

i dont use it as treats, i had sex because i fancied the pants off him.

Im just disapointed that its clearly not going to go anywhere..

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 25/05/2013 14:25

Sorry, that was lighthearted, I should have made it more obvious, course it's not you if he can't even be arsed to contact you (but the howling thing is true).

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:25

not that the sex didnt make it go anywhere, just that im not going to see him again as i quite liked him

OP posts:
RafaellaNhaKyria · 25/05/2013 14:32

SGB, what on earth does a willy like a blue mushroom look like? Just a blue....mushroom? Literally?

same clearly these guys we were with were only in it for a shag. It's too bad, and shows a bit of their character to have given the impression they were in it for a bit more than that. But....I dont know about you, but I'm still pleased with the shag anyway Grin I did it because I wanted to, no other reason.