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Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
A1980 · 25/05/2013 14:37

Has anyone had any luck with online dating?

WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 14:40

Good relationships I've had = lots of mutual contact from day one
Bad or non-starter relationships I've had = sporadic contact or very one sided contact in either direction.

I can only speak for myself, of course.

It's a fucker when you like someone and the interest isn't equalish but it sounds like he was 'just not that into you'. Sad It seems with internet dating as with life it take a lot of frogs between the good 'uns.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:42

Thing is, if i had said there was lots of texting, i would have been told that that was a red flag and it was clear he was just after a shag.

OP posts:
NotDead · 25/05/2013 14:42

hello just thought I would add my opinion. Im a bloke but don't obv speak for all blokes.. sex is important to me but I would never say relationship stuff to trick someone into bed. the fact is you may have been in relationships where sex or not it would have faded.

Did you make your feelings too clear? it might be that ..as with me.. men wanting to start long relationships want development time and not a ' youll do manshape' too many relationship signals too early can give that off..

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:45

I havent come over all needy, no. Indeed i didnt even ask him about friday ( which he had planned) but i did make it clear i wanted to see him again.

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 14:46

Yeah, I've seen that said. It's not my experience. Oh I dunno. IME lots of texting is good when it's welcome and you're both doing it, and argh what's fucking wrong with him when I'm not that keen myself. If one of you is texting X amount and the other only half that then it's probably not going anywhere.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:49

It was equal texting, one sent, one replied to... thats how conversation goes, yes?

i wasnt chasing the man down, fgs.

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 14:51

Perhaps the best way to look at it is an unlucky run. But if this is the story of your life then maybe ask if there is something you're doing, not picking up on etc.

Who knows what was going on in his head. Maybe he was unsure and gave it as long as the sex to see if that swung him. And not that you did anything wrong it just didn't change his 'in the process of deciding' mind. Or just thought, she's not the one for me but nice enough, might as well get some sex out of it as I've come this far. Which is not terribly nice of him.

You could second guess for ages.

WafflyVersatile · 25/05/2013 14:52

Sorry, I wasn't suggesting it was like that for you. I'm just talking about my experience.

NotDead · 25/05/2013 14:52

oh and if the sex was good.. and you are waiting for him..then he may be in that place which is.' ok ive blown it now by wanting sex and now she isnt speaking to me' gone are the days when women were passive.. I feel like I was pushing too hard unless I get a call from the woman asking for a date/sex.. you have to give him signals that you want him as well as want to go out with him long term..call and ask.. or have fun. Also I always see two routes in sex in dating one is if the sex was bad or mediocre..try again..if the sex was great..do it again..

ExitPursuedByABear · 25/05/2013 14:52

4 dates over 6 weeks doesn't sound very much to me. If you really like someone you would see them as much a possible in the early days, in my opinion.

And nothing wrong with having sex just cos.

WarmFuzzyFun · 25/05/2013 14:57

There is no rhyme or reason OP. These things happen, it is all part of dating, and may have happened irrespective of how you met, be it OD, bar, club, or through friends/work/hobby.

All the promises/plans and painting sandcastles in the sky, are just wishful thinking. Concentrate on enjoying yourself for as long as it lasts.

Expectations of a relationship are somewhat premature until you have been with someone for several months IMO. And sometimes no even then.

WarmFuzzyFun · 25/05/2013 14:58

not even then

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 14:59

no, not if you have a child and limited childcare, and that other person has a life. Neither of us are 19 and responsibility free.

not dead, yeah, ive contacted him. i asked him in the week if he wanted to do anything, but he said he couldnt, he had to write a presentation...

OP posts:
UniqueAndAmazing · 25/05/2013 15:00

was that the last you heard from him?
he could genuinely be snowed under with work

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 15:04

no, he had made plans with me for yesterday evening. instead of meeting me he was instagramming pics of him having a meal out.

OP posts:
UniqueAndAmazing · 25/05/2013 15:05

ah.
no misunderstanding there then.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 15:08

indeed.

OP posts:
WarmFuzzyFun · 25/05/2013 15:08

OP, if a man genuinely likes you he won't mess you around. He would communicate 'Hey Same, I have xyz to do and am a bit tied up until Thursday. But I am free on Friday'

He would make the effort because he'd want to make sure you didn't get the idea that he wasn't interested.

I think your instincts are right, he was/is a player. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

WarmFuzzyFun · 25/05/2013 15:10

His loss. At least you didn't waste too much time and are free to look and find the person who will appreciate you.

Sorry this happened to you.

NotDead · 25/05/2013 15:11

Why are you annoyed at h I w he manages his social life? you are both dating.. and he told you a white lie but you found out and are annoyed.. in early dating it is quite annoying to have each date end with arranging tge next its like a relationship-like conveyer belt leading to the jaws of marriage/ugly break up! keep it light if you can and accept white lies.. I hate it when I say 'not thisweekend' and then I get 'so what ate you do I ng/wgat did you do/can I do it with you.. once you are committed yes..not whilst dating!

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 15:22

notdead, firstly i got told off for coming on too strong, then you told me i might not have made it clear i was interested, now you tell me off for being cross he pretty much stood me up.

HE asked me out for friday, we planned it last week, where, what time, what we were doing. I havent caught him out in a white lie, he just bloody didnt mention it ever again.

i didnt say anything about it, in the interests of not coming on too strong, but did keep the contact up ( which he did reply to, even if he took 12 hours to respond to) and asked him out earlier this week..

So hes not given me any clear brush off, but equally hasnt given me any green light signals.

OP posts:
GoingUpInTheWorld · 25/05/2013 15:22

Op

I met my dh on a dating site, 2 years ago.

But before i met dh, i ve had loads of dates online.

Every single one messed me about. I recon around 30 people i ve met nline, sme i met once, some i met for a few weeks, every single one of them just cut me off abruptly.

It was always the same old story, i thought i was ready for a relationship then i realized that i wasnt. Thats what they used to text.

Some of themi got really upset over. So after around meeting 10 people, i started to see the first date as a free lunch as usually they always paid. I made sure that i didnt stop chatting to anyone else on the site. So i would say be texting around 3 people at once, not just concentrating on the one person.

So if one of then decided to cut contact after a few dates, i didnt really get upset as i had another two left iyswim.

Dont limit yourself to just getting to know the one person, until you are sure its going to go somewhere, then you wont be as disappointed if it doesnt end well.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 15:23

Ive been single a long time, Ive dated a lot over the years, i was just hoping that this might lead to something, because i liked him.

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 15:24

yeah, i do that too, goingup... but i liked him. If you have dated a lot, you know that doesnt happen very often.

I wasnt even bothered about long term, a summer fling would have been nice.

OP posts:
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