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Original poster

It appears ive been dumped - again.

391 replies

samethingdifferentman · 25/05/2013 10:04

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 10:46

Anyfucker - thank you, from you that means a lot :) You are usually a voice of reason :)

OP posts:
Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 10:50

Corr - 10 years? wow, im 4 years into in, give or take, so pretty much know what im doing. I wasnt in the tiniest bit upset about the sex, it was the contradiction in behaviour that was baffling and just being fed up with the general situation that is dating.

Iguess, thanks, though im not counting any chickens. lol

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 10:56

Keeping my fingers crossed for the two dates this weekend - sending some "nice-interesting-human-being" dating vibes your way.

CorrStagnitto · 28/05/2013 10:57

yup 10 years, but i was actually dating from the internet way before then back in the days before ID sites existed, it was mostly through chat rooms, and because i live in a very rural area and im also shy it has been the best way for me to meet men, its also been the easiet way because of my job (i work in IT) so ive always been very computer savvy

I met my ds father on the interent 8-9 years ago but that relationship didnt last, ive been single but dating for the last 6 years and only now ive finally met someone i can see a future with, i think im going to marry this one Smile

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 11:01

Thanks pinkballet - i dont tend to see first dates as anything more than ' meets' there arent any romantic conatations, its just meeting to see if you click and want to see them again.

Corr - so pleased its worked out for you. Im not shy :) its just difficult to meet men, I do try in rl as well, but thats not thrown anything up...

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Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 11:49

Would anyone do me the favour of just looking over my profile for me?

Corr?

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 11:51

I'm happy to if you want. I'm sure you sound as reasonable and pleasant as you do on this thread.

happyinherts · 28/05/2013 12:32

I'm glad you haven't let your experience dent your self esteem and confidence, which can easily happen.

I do think your experience is more common than you realise. I've encountered the ego trip boost. Some men lacking some element to their lives need attention. Once they've got that, they move on. Gaining attention from 10 different women means more than continued attention from the 1 woman.

For what it's worth, I think he liked you but got scared of emotion and therefore was rude to you in order for you to dump him - rather than him dump you because he needed to move on. I doubt he meant the things he said. He just wanted out.

Sad you liked him though. Always the way, isn't it, bu you do deserve far better than that and he's created a vacancy. Good luck x

happyinherts · 28/05/2013 12:32

I'm glad you haven't let your experience dent your self esteem and confidence, which can easily happen.

I do think your experience is more common than you realise. I've encountered the ego trip boost. Some men lacking some element to their lives need attention. Once they've got that, they move on. Gaining attention from 10 different women means more than continued attention from the 1 woman.

For what it's worth, I think he liked you but got scared of emotion and therefore was rude to you in order for you to dump him - rather than him dump you because he needed to move on. I doubt he meant the things he said. He just wanted out.

Sad you liked him though. Always the way, isn't it, bu you do deserve far better than that and he's created a vacancy. Good luck x

happyinherts · 28/05/2013 12:32

I'm glad you haven't let your experience dent your self esteem and confidence, which can easily happen.

I do think your experience is more common than you realise. I've encountered the ego trip boost. Some men lacking some element to their lives need attention. Once they've got that, they move on. Gaining attention from 10 different women means more than continued attention from the 1 woman.

For what it's worth, I think he liked you but got scared of emotion and therefore was rude to you in order for you to dump him - rather than him dump you because he needed to move on. I doubt he meant the things he said. He just wanted out.

Sad you liked him though. Always the way, isn't it, bu you do deserve far better than that and he's created a vacancy. Good luck x

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/05/2013 12:50

Crikey. He sounds like a complete loon. Glad you got it resolved. Well rid!

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 12:54

Herts, no, i dont think he was just rude to me, i think thats how he is generally. He was a little bit that way before, but not to the extreams of yesterday. He had pre warned me he was in a very bad mood..... he wasnt joking. His FB ( because i did some in depth looking) showed that that was kind of how he was with most people. Its all part of the narcisistic tendencies... thinking you are better than everyone else...

Like i said, i told him to fuck off, he did reply and say he couldnt be bothered to argue and if i thought he was a dick to unfriend him on fb and never talk to him again. or, if i wanted i could contact him in a few months when hes a bit less messed up.

I replied and said i already had unfriended him :)

He wont have liked that. It wouldnt have crossed his mind that anyone could think he was anything less than amazing.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/05/2013 13:11

have you looked at the dating thread, same ?

I bet somebody on there would have a look at your profile and tweak it with you if necessary

I would offer, but it would be purely for nosy cahhh purposes Grin

I suspect if I was ever back in the dating game, I would be date-free for a very long time.

ALittleStranger · 28/05/2013 13:17

How can people say at least the OP got a shag out of it when he's so clearly a wanker?!

OP I do have to agree with others who say work on your boundaries and self esteem. Would you respect someone who invited you in for coffee after treating them so badly? Was sat really the first time red flags were raised?

On the general points, who honestly wouldn't dump by stealth if they could get away with it? It's cowardly but people are cowards. And I've been vanished on and vanished when there are mutual friends involved, so it's not just anonymity that drives it.

The problem with OD is not the liars and players (who are not the majority in my experience) but that it's full of people who are nice enough. If you met in real life you'd have a pleasant flirt at a party and move on, but instead we're all acting in this rigid framework that encourages actions and decisions. Nice enough is a good enough reason for 2-3 dates, but it cannot make that leap into a relationship and is frankly embarrassing to have to explain in too much detail to someone.

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 13:22

stranger - i dont give two hoots if he respected me after he came in for coffee. You cannot be insinuating that i deserved lack of respect for doing that?

I dont think you need to give a long list of reasons after two or three dates, however, if you have plans with somone its the decent thing to let them know you have changed your mind. it only needs to be a short text, not war and peace.

OP posts:
pinkballetflats · 28/05/2013 13:22

Stranger - so men are allowed to have their jollies and see it as a good time, but women aren't? I had a date (well two actually) that I had hoped would turn into something more - and it looked like it would at the time but then he dumped me. I could have sat there being upset or I could have thought that I had a really great time in bed, that I was a big girl and knew that him being a player was a possibility, chalk it up to (fun) experience and move on. What's wrong with seeing the positive?

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 13:27

im pleased i got a shag. as a single woman shags are few and far between :)

im not at all bothered by the sex, tbh im now not at all bothered by what happened. hes proven himself to be a massive cock, and im not stupid enough to think he would be good enough to spend a second more time with :)

( again, i still think this is a better outcome than being have left wondering after he vanished with people posting reasons why it was my fault)

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UniqueAndAmazing · 28/05/2013 13:33

blimey, he's a right catch isn't he! Shock

lucky escape, and i'm glad that you got to find out what he's really like (there can definitely be no misunderstanding now!)

My DH once signed up for internet dating, many years ago. He'd been going out with a horrid woman (obv he didn't think so), and when she callously dumped him (at the start of a holiday they'd gone on together), he signed up for OD. the only email he got with a match was her. he then unsigned himself (and assumed he'd spend his life single)

ALittleStranger · 28/05/2013 13:40

OP if I'm honest I am saying that I would not respect someone who invited me in after I'd treated them like that.

Pinkballetflats it's not about women having jollies or not, or not looking for the positive. But part of chalking things up to experience is calling out wankers when you come across them.

CorrStagnitto · 28/05/2013 13:47

i have replied to your PM samething Smile

Cretaceous · 28/05/2013 13:48

ALS - why would she care what he thinks about her?

At least you have a great funny story to look back on! It was definitely worth inviting him in just for that.

Are you open with your friends about internet dating? If you are, I'd tell everyone you know what happened, and see if they know a man you can go on a date with.

AnyFucker · 28/05/2013 13:48

christ, it's a zoo out there Smile

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 13:55

yeah, like i said, i dont care if he respects me. I do not respect him for being so bloody rude to me.

People know im dating, ive done some asking about, there are a general lack of single men my age about.

Zoo. ZOO!!! thats something of an understatement i think :)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/05/2013 13:57

is that being disrespectful to zoo inhabitants ? Smile

Original poster
samethingdifferentman · 28/05/2013 14:00

yes. im mortally offended on behalf of all zoo animals.
:)

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