It appears ive been dumped - again.

[samethingdifferentman]

Every damn time.
Same old story, you have a few dates, you eventually sleep with them, they vanish into thin air.

I thought this one was different, before we had sex he was talking about stuff we could do together this weekend, and ' next time' and it was all good, this was last weekend, Since then ive had a few texts and thats it. Our plans for last night, which HE organised came to nothing.

Its just so bloody depressing and such a cliche.

I've read all of this thread. I have to say it makes me really, really, really glad I never bothered with OD. I have come across so many depressing stories about it. And while it seems men can have just as hard a time meeting the right woman online, women seem to get far more than their fair share of losers and creeps. I don't think it's you OP.

That said, I wouldn't bother continuing with OD either, as I think it will take too much out of you. The trouble with OD dating is because everyone knows that everyone is looking for someone special (albeit with 'special' being anything from a ONS through to marriage), it's like everyone is a 'done deal', which results in many people failing to respect boundaries as they would IRL. You have to be emotionally very pragmatic and adopt a ruthless, numbers-game methodical approach to do well with OD IMO, which is based on knowing people who have used it with varying degrees of success.

I would say that having one date - however successful - and stopping your search as a result of it is completely the wrong approach. You can't know if that person is the right one, so while it's great to daydream it's only sensible to continue to look until that wonderful date has been around long enough to convince you that no one else could ever match up.

Just my 2 cents but I think online dating gets a bad rap...it's the best way to meet people really regularly. I online dated on and off for a while, and eventually met the love of my life, who is super hot and is also now my wonderful husband, and also daddy to my lovely LO.

I totally get where you are coming from with seeing that he was online and wondering what that meant - it's normal to have a look. Actually you might find quickly whether the person is telling porkies or not that way so I think its a good thing to do.

My one piece of advice is to just give yourself a few rules and to keep optimistic even if you do meet a run of dingbats...and don't take it too seriously. Definitely have fun with it and never settle. My rules - I would jump ship immediately at any red flag (e.g. flaky, popping up online straight after our date)...if a guy was super hot, very charming but a bit of player I'd enjoy a couple of very diverting dinner dates with him, but then end it, I wouldn't let anyone 'grow' on me - either I liked them straight away or I didn't, and I didn't take any crap. It worked very well for me in the end

Btw just saw some negative comments on this thread about your being desparate...so I would like to add that the right guy will not judge you or give a crap if your first date lasted 20 mins in Starbucks or 3 days on the Riviera, as every date is different and sets its own natural pace. Just go with it, have fun, and ignore any judge-y comments.

london kitty, he added me to his fb a few days before the date. i accepted ( i dont usually, but was nosey) so i could see on my news feed he was posting stuff and what time it was.

Im a bit fucked off with people trying to paint me as some kind of stalker now.

Henrysmama agrees, going straight on a dating site minutes after a date is a bit of a red flag. It just is.

Red flags are warning signs of an abuser. I agree that someone logging in for three hours after a date is a sign that it's not going well, but I'm interested why people would think it means a guy's bad news. I've logged on after dates I've been so-so about before.

i would see it that the guy isnt interested, or is juggling many women. or saying he is after a relationship and doing quite the opposite. Or in the case of the nutter, is being rude to women, or pretending to be a woman when he is a man for his own amusment.

See, you have agreed and said no, its not a good sign, while some people have told me im nuts for thinking so.

Im waiting to be told off about adding him to my fb.... when earlier on in the thread i was told a through look through someones fb was the first thing someone would do.

essentially this shows you cant win, some is always going to pick holes when it comes to dating, and the woman is always to blame.

To clarify, being on there for 3 hours is not a good sign that he's interested. Being on there at all is fine IMO.

no, i do agree. if it was a quick log on, fine. 3 hours of being logged in - not.

samething you need to take a step back. You are getting too worked up about every small thing. I am quite sure you are a wonderful person and you deserve to meet a great guy. But you're not doing yourself any favours.

Would you consider taking up a demanding hobby during this Pre-man-of-your-dreams phase? Not only will it distract you enough to help you get through these frustrataing dates with arses while you wait for prince charming to show up (and I'm sure he will), but it will add to the whole 'mystery woman' thing that could attract a nicer, more compatible sort of bloke.

Maybe train for a marathon? Or fencing? Or paragliding? Or train a guidedog? Or sports photography?

im not even waiting for a man of my dreams, there isnt a man of my dreams, thats just bullshit ;)

I have plenty of hobbies and fun things to do, im mysterious enough, and i already do so many thing that it puts most men off, so i dont really need to add to it.

but thanks for your insight.

I think that a guy who jumps onto his profile the second he gets home from your date completely lacks class or manners, so it is a good thing to know that fact! Fair enough if you both want to keep your options open a little while and check your profiles/set up other dates, but the man that has the manners to wait a little/show a little self control before checking his profile again (knowing that you will probably see if he does) is potentially a good guy. The one who can't be bothered about you seeing him online straight after seeing you is likely to be a bit of an ass.

@henrysmama2012

So just out of interest, how long after a date does someone have to wait before they can check their profile?

Most people these days have smart phones and I recall checking my phone on the way home from an internet date after I have been notified that I have emails waiting to be read. Its daft to assume its a measure of 'class' that people should delay reading their messages on the basis that someone might take offense. To be honest, if I discovered that a women after a first or second date had got the hump because I had checked my account shortly after seeing her I would see it as a bit of a red flag to be honest. It comes across as very insecure and controlling. With internet dating everyone has a few 'irons in the fire' at any one time and it is normal to be having communications with other potential dates during the early stages. Its only when you have a very good feeling with a particular person and are moving into 4th/5th date territory that you let those other irons in the fire cool down.

Just a matter of perspective ChChullian, as I already said in my post, there is nothing wrong in keeping your options open, but IMHO, a guy who can't be bothered to wait until the next day at least, after a nice evening date, knowing that I'd likely see his profile active, isn't cool in my book. Fine, check your profile and date around until (if) we ever become exclusive, but extend me the courtesy of waiting 5 mins - to me that's just basic manners.

If I liked the guy I'd extend him exactly the same courtesy, and it tended to be that the kind of guys I seemed to match with had similar ideas.

So, that kind of thing was a dealbreaker for me... if it isn't for you, fine, we're all different, dating is about compatibility after all. It's worth knowing though, that I had a great time online dating (doesn't seem to be the experience of most people for some reason), I had some great fun along the way before I met my husband, knew what worked for me and the kind of guy I would be compatible with, and that's exactly the kind of guy I ended up with.

Ah, im so glad someone else agrees with me. Its not so much that hes back online, it was the speed after the date,and then the lenght of time that was a bit of a slap in the face.

he doesnt have a smartphone, only a pc, so he would have literally had to get home and immediatley log in. i just find that rude.

Anyway, having done some talking with friends, i have decided to get more picky. the downside of being friendly and happy and chatty, is that i tend to get on with most people ( the shock of it as on this thread some people would say im anything but) BUT then when i get on the date i find we have nothing in common at all. So, im going to ask more questions, try and talk for longer before meeting.

I don't mean to be mean. Honestly.

Friends will tell you what you want to hear to spare your feelings, but sometimes you need to hear the truth from strangers.

You've obviously made your mind up about this guy anyway due to the other factors, but in future I honestly wouldn't presume the worst from the logging on thing.

Its bringing back memories for me and I realise that I probably looked at the photos of the guy I'd just been out with, and re-read some of his messages after the date to remind myself what we'd talked about.

Whenever friends asked I would pull up their profiles and show them, so if I'd had someone here after a date (a friend babysitting or maybe in his case a flatmate?) I would have shown them the photos and had a chat about him.

If I'd gone off to make a cuppa and have a chat it could well have looked like I was logged into my account for hours browsing for a new bloke, rather than boasting about that one!