Please help...I found out this morning my husband has been having an affair

[mrscraig]

I can't really believe I am typing this. I am utterly heartbroken and in a sense of shock.
I found texts on his phone. I feel so stupid, the signs were all there but I love and trust him so much I just didn't read them. We haven't really been getting on well for the past few months, now I see why. I thought it was a rough patch, God what a bloody fool I am.

We've been together 16 years! I've known him my whole life, we have such history together. Now it feels like none of that seems to count for anything.
I have two beautiful dd's and I feel distraught for them. This is not what I wanted for them, their lives are going to be ripped apart.
Am bewildered, what do I do now?
He's left to stay at his mums for time being. I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him. Do you ever get over something like this? Where do you even start to clear up the mess?
I feel completely humiliated and sick
Sorry for the ramble but my head and heart are all over the place.

Hi again Mrs C
I think your holiday plan is a really good one. Time apart (for me at least) was essential. I actually felt (slightly) less pain away from him initially, and it enabled me to think more clearly, spend some amazing quality time with the children, and realise that I wasn't going to wither up and die without him. As you said, you have choices, and complete control over what happens next, when, and only when you feel ready.
You sound strong and brave. I too love my husband, although I hate what he has done. He behaved in a weak, cruel and selfish way, and it has nearly broken me. Almost, but not quite!
Keep strong, and you and your lovely girls WILL be fine, whatever you decide. Have a wonderful trip, and don't be afraid to make the bastard sweat while you are away. Stay together or not, it will do him no end of good to see that there are consequences to his actions.
Thinking of you, me and anyone else in this horrible situation x

please help me...11 days ago i found out that my husband has been having an affair with a married woman from the gym where he works. I noticed we had become distant for about 6-9 months and when i asked had i done something wrong he kept denying it. I thought maybe it was because i had put weight on with medication for a back problem but he kept saying no i was imagining it, A few weeks ago i asked again and he said the way i nagged him about his drinking had made him hate me that bit more. He said that i was a nasty,vindictive, mean person. I have been with him 22 years and he has drank heavily most of this time. We have 3 teenagers aged 18,15 and 15 who hated seeing their dad get so drunk and fall over and fall asleep downstairs while wetting himself. He has ruined so many beds and our sofa stinks so bad. When he was sober he was a lovely man who made me laugh and loved us all so much. Having found out proof that he was cheating i tackled him about it and he denied it.That night yet again drunk he managed to get himself to bed and left his phone downstairs where i picked it up and noticed his messages to HER . They had been discussing their little night away the night before at a hotel and discussing how great it was and couldnt wait for another. He had told me he was at a leaving do for workmates and stayed at their house. I stayed up all night taking photos of the messages and next morning he came down to the kitchen where i told him that i knew all about his dirty kittle secret. I kicked,punched and bit him i was so mad/ My daughters came down and he kept telling me not to say anything but i told him to man up and tell them what he had been doing. He eventually said we hadnt been getting along and he had been seeing someone. God it hurt so much. I threw him out but he came back 5 times that day to say please dont tell her husband as she didnt want to risk her marriage. He is staying at his parents and hasnt contacted us about anything . Our son turned 18 five days later. I ended up in hospital overnight due to severe dehydration but am now home. I cannot eat and have lost over a stone in weight through worry. I dont work and im worried how im going to cope and have no money for school uniforms or bills. How do i go on from here now? Also other womans husband has now found out as she thought she was getting away with it...my husband says her family and marriage is ruined but i doubt that as she went on holidays on friday. What about our bloody marriage? He said he doesnt fancy me or love me the way he should. Im so hurt please help me...

Im going through what youve been through. Are things any better or are you still apart?

Hysterical bonding - I had no idea that existed but it definitely happened with us. So, everything follows a pattern in the end. I just remember thinking if this is how much sex it takes to keep him then I don't think I can keep up. Ultimately I couldn't but it's not the sex that should keep you together anyway. That's just the icing on the cake.

mumdaughter - so sorry to hear about your situation. I can't offer you any different advice to what has already been said, other than that if you start your own thread you may get more responses. Your post on this thread may not get read as it's quite a long, and old, thread. Good luck to you.

mumdaughter your first problem is that he is an alcoholic. Cheating is part of that mindset.

IIWY I would throw him out and require that he start AA as part of his ACTIONS to show he will face his stuff.

You should start a new thread. Copy and paste this and start a thread in relationships, as people will ignore this 4 year old thread. Lots of people will advise you. I'm really sorry to hear what has happened!