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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH's gift to OW

181 replies

madgered · 17/01/2013 19:48

Tell me what you think. My DH gave OW a £250 bracelet for Christmas. I saw a text he sent saying; "Hi gorgeous. Happy Christmas x". He says it was just a flirtation and nothing sexual happened. He says they met a couple of times for lunch and spoke on the phone quite a lot. What would you think if you were me?

OP posts:
sarahseashell · 17/01/2013 19:50

did he tell you about the bracelet or did you find out about it? you seem to know she's OW rather than a friend he's been for lunch with? What would I think? I'd think pack your bags tbh (him)

LeaveTheBastid · 17/01/2013 19:50

Full blown affair. Whether that be sexual or emotional. A £250 bracelet... Jesus. What did you get?

AngryTrees · 17/01/2013 19:51

I would think affair, and that the bracelet came as things were getting serious. Why else spend all that money and take the time to pick out a piece of jewellery? Certainly not for someone you met a couple of times for lunch..

mrsL1984 · 17/01/2013 19:52

This reminds me of love actually where Alan rock mans character gave his bit on the side the necklace and his wife got a Joni Mitchell cd!! Chop off his balls!!!

cupcake78 · 17/01/2013 19:53

Have to agree most likely an affair. Unless your dh is a bit odd, infatuated with ow and trying to get her interested.

badinage · 17/01/2013 19:54

That they were having a physical and emotional affair and that I was married to a cheat and a liar who thought I was stupid.

Pancakeflipper · 17/01/2013 19:54

I would be fuming, upset, distrustful, and have a lot of questions to ask him

greenpostit · 17/01/2013 19:54

Either a full blown affair.

Or he is seriously trying to butter her up so she will have an affair with him.

No other possibilities IMO.

lemonstartree · 17/01/2013 19:55

That's so sad :-( I would be heartbroken; and then I think very angry... what did you get ?

Oh and he is either having an affair with her, or hoping to

lunar1 · 17/01/2013 19:55

I would think affair, spending all that family money on an ow would be as bad as sex in my books.

hermioneweasley · 17/01/2013 19:57

Assuming he didn't say "I have a lovely friend, x. You know - I tell you when we've met up for lunch? Anyway I've seen a bracelet she'd really like but it's £250. Is it ok to spend family money n that? Also, I wanted you to know because trust is really important in our relationship and of course it would look odd if I bought expensive jewellery for another woman without telling you!". Assuming that conversation did not take place,then he's having an affair.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/01/2013 19:58

I'd think you were married to a big, fat but remarkably generous liar....

madgered · 17/01/2013 19:59

I found out about the bracelet when I saw the above text he sent.I had no idea until that moment that anything was going on. He admitted buying it for her. I later found the receipt. I got a jewellery box which I handed right back.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 17/01/2013 20:00

Of course he's denying as much as he can. And know you're doubting yourself and not sure what to believe. All classic signs.

izzyizin · 17/01/2013 20:03

So his bit on the side mistress got a £250 bracelet and you got a jewellery box with fuck all inside it?

Methinks 'tis time you consulted a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law before he squanders more of the potential marital assets on getting his leg over with his fancy piece.

AnAirOfHope · 17/01/2013 20:03

£250 Shock

I would ask him to leave because i would see it as a) taking money from out children b) paying for sex and c) totally disrepectful to me and a dealbreaker

AbuseHamzaMousseCake · 17/01/2013 20:04

You got an empty box and she got the bracelet, you don't need to ask. What you need to do is grow some.
Good luck.

AnAirOfHope · 17/01/2013 20:06

(Also by the time the devioce was thru it would be an even more expensive gift and shag as i would take everything hes got )

something2say · 17/01/2013 20:07

Sorry Madgered xxx

PureQuintessence · 17/01/2013 20:09

You are divorcing him, right? What a shit.

I bet the only way he is backtracking is because he is scared of financial repercussions from you taking a divorce lawyer.

veryconfusedatthemoment · 17/01/2013 20:10

Uuum, anairofhope - just what I told my solicitor when I found that my STBExH had spent £1000's on his OW. It is still going to be jolly difficult to get any of that money back tho :(

OP - sorry, affair. What you do next is of course up to you, but it was a deal breaker for me.

TyrannosaurusBex · 17/01/2013 20:13

Affair. So sorry.

wewereherefirst · 17/01/2013 20:16

Affair. I'm sorry he's such a cunt. I would be flipping livid.

Walk away from him and nail his bollocks to the wall on the way out

AnyFucker · 17/01/2013 20:18

You sound very calm

Are you staying with your adulterous husband ?

MadAboutHotChoc · 17/01/2013 20:26

I would be livid that he spent some of our hard earned cash on OW and that he has chosen to cheat as a way of resolving his issues.

They always deny and minimise everything.

My advice is to tell him to go away and give you space and time to consider whether you still want to be married to someone who thinks so little of his wife.

Get shirley Glass's Not Just Good Friends.