Is this a red flag.?

[AllIsNotRosey]

DP is away on a business trip. I didn't hear from him at the usual time, just before dinner.

I went to bed still not hearing from him. I didn't call to say goodnight as I didn't know if he was busy with clients, and the brush off I get if he is I don't like.

I woke to an email that he had sent at 2am. Telling me goodnight and that he was ALONE. Alarm bells rang, as why would he feel the need to point that out at that time in the morning.

He then went on to say that during the evening he had been propositioned by women more than once.

I'm I right in thinking that women don't just proposition a man unless he is giving them the big come on.?

I'm I right to be upset by his email.? Or am I just being insecure and jealous for no reason.

By his text he'd had too much corporate wine, without a doubt.!

He has form. Last year getting pissed and doing the business on a works trip. He did tell me about this but without an apology. Just I was drunk it just happened. Not everything is black and white etc. But no sorry.

I've not replied to his email or answered his call this morning. As I don't know if I'm right or wrong in thinking something fishy is going on.

He has another 2 nights away. Part of me wants to wish him better luck for tonight. The other part of me want to just bite my own tounge and send a nice reply without a mention of last nights email.

Please tell me is this a red flag or I'm I overreacting because of his history and how insecure he makes me feel.?

Guiltypleasures001 yup that's what I meant.

"I need to reply childish not to right..?"

Not childish in the slightest. What can you usefully say? Nothing... So ignore him and let him sweat.

Thank you chinupchestout.

I have had calls 2 calls from him that I didn't answer, 2 emails and one text msg. It's very unlike me, the bloody door matt I have become not to answer him.

"I've got better things to do than answer calls from a self-fetishising, superannuated Lothario. My sympathies to whichever booze-addled fool shares your bed tonight. Pick your stuff up at the weekend."

Cogito's right, actually, you don't need to reply. I just wanted to write that!

I will let him sweat. And thanks guilty that made me smile. It's 8pm here just poured my 2nd glass of wine. No food today.

Phone will be switched to silent, not that he's the type to keep calling. He's got the message so to speak like I have his.

Thanks garlic.

He has no stuff here. I've loads of stuff at his but I can do without.

I agree - ignore him.

You're in charge of this split, it's your descision, speak / e-mail him when you're ready to.

Enjoy your wine and have some dinner! Even if it's a jam sandwich or something.

Get rid asap.

eat something rosey, otherwise you're in danger of getting pissed and saying/writing something you'llregret to him. you're doing great by not answering him.

More phone calls.........

Turn the phone off.

Say "Bollocks to your bullshit - I'm off!" Then ignore all further communication.*

*There may be more effective words than the ones suggested here.

Glad you've seen sense. He's Orrible.

The grown up way of doing this... Don't answer his phone-calls etc you're feeling calmer. The words you want are 'when you get back we need to talk'... and don't discuss any further until you've got him face to face. That gives you the time to think, prepare what you want to say and anticipate any responses.

Either that or you could e-mail 'I've received your messages, we need to talk when you're back'. Might be easier than getting drawn into conversation.

Lots more msg. All nice. I didn't answer.

I'm going to send I received your messages, we need to talk when you're back.

I could never have blanked him without all your help.

Thank to all.

Actions speak louder than words, so I'm waiting to see.?

The wind of change is blowing strong this morning.

I hope you can stay strong when you see him face-to-face. Can I suggest meeting him out of the house in a neutral place (eg busy cafe, pub) and taking his stuff with you so you can make a clean break?

I'm dreading it to be honest.

He's very good at talking and turning things around to make me seem like the crazy paranoid girlfriend. He loves me but I'm hard work etc.

Before the meeting away from either house I will read again all the post here.

I think you have to stay strong OP and trust what your gut is saying. I understand what you're saying about the highs and lows. But how low have the lows been? Do you feel anxious, sick to the bottom of your stomach, insecure, self doubt?

I say this as I remember them all only too well. You have been very dignified in this situation, and you're in control. I think you need it to remain that way and not get drawn in by charm, excuses and ultimately, BS now. Walk away, head held high and you'll meet someone deserving if you and DC

make me seem like the crazy paranoid girlfriend. He loves me but I'm hard work etc

Well there's another two reasons to add to your long list of reasons to ditch the twat.

Seriously, when you read through everyone's posts, make a list of all the negatives to remind yourself why you're doing this. You'll have a very long list.

Then keep the meeting very brief. Text him to say "I'll meet you at x o'clock at x cafe/pub". Make sure you arrive after him, don't order a drink, just tell him you've come to tell him face-to-face that it's over, here's his stuff and then make your exit.

It really can be as simple as that.

As he's doing his best to worm his way back in talk you round, remember: he didn't call at his usual time or for the rest of the evening. I had a boyfriend who did this - it turned out he was with another woman every time.

Also, he gives you the brush off when you call when he's 'with clients'. Rude and disrespectful at best, suspicious at worst. Sorry OP but I think there's probably a whole load of stuff you don't know about this man - and you're never likely to get to the truth, so best not bother trying.

When he's back, make sure you set the time and the place, and maybe arrange to meet a friend straight after somewhere else.

You're not paranoid and you're not crazy, you're just putting yourself first and trusting you instincts.

And remember, you can't trust him after what he did before, it's not you that's done something wrong, it was his actions and words that have lost your trust.

If you are worried about him talking you around don't make his behaviour the reason for ending. Say something like 'this isn't working out for me and I know I'd be happier alone'. Then it's all about you.

I would just say "this doesn't work for me anymore."

Keep it simple and don't get dragged into the whys and wherefores.

Just repeat "This doesn't work for me anymore."