Is this a red flag.?

[AllIsNotRosey]

DP is away on a business trip. I didn't hear from him at the usual time, just before dinner.

I went to bed still not hearing from him. I didn't call to say goodnight as I didn't know if he was busy with clients, and the brush off I get if he is I don't like.

I woke to an email that he had sent at 2am. Telling me goodnight and that he was ALONE. Alarm bells rang, as why would he feel the need to point that out at that time in the morning.

He then went on to say that during the evening he had been propositioned by women more than once.

I'm I right in thinking that women don't just proposition a man unless he is giving them the big come on.?

I'm I right to be upset by his email.? Or am I just being insecure and jealous for no reason.

By his text he'd had too much corporate wine, without a doubt.!

He has form. Last year getting pissed and doing the business on a works trip. He did tell me about this but without an apology. Just I was drunk it just happened. Not everything is black and white etc. But no sorry.

I've not replied to his email or answered his call this morning. As I don't know if I'm right or wrong in thinking something fishy is going on.

He has another 2 nights away. Part of me wants to wish him better luck for tonight. The other part of me want to just bite my own tounge and send a nice reply without a mention of last nights email.

Please tell me is this a red flag or I'm I overreacting because of his history and how insecure he makes me feel.?

Everyone's quicker than me to this- testing you!

He's horrible.

And look, you know, after what he did the first time he should be bending over backwards to reassure you in situations like these-ie away for work. Instead he is sending you dickhead little messages. I wouldn't waste your precious time on this game player tbh.

Oh, yeah, he was testing you. He was making sure you'd put up with him cheating - and had so little respect for your own worth, you'd even tolerate him bragging to you about getting laid whilst away

This one's over, Rosey. Be thankful for the good times, and extra thankful you dumped his sorry arse before putting up with any more of this!

Testing YOU, should be the other wat round more like!
Ltb-the email alone is seriously suspect, but if he's done it once.....

Oh and the reason I bet he told you he was alone, was because he had tried and most likely failed in the hotel bar to get some unsuspecting soul back to his room. So yes alone, but if things had worked out, not alone. Tosser.

Either this or he's going to bed ALONE, after already having been with someone else, hoping you don't notice he's sent the email at 2am.

Women propositioning him left right and centre hmmm? yeah yeah...he sounds like one of those annoying little creeps who thinks he's God's gift...like an over-sexed Jack Russell trying to hump your leg. Testing you?? WTF??...what a tosser. Eugh...get rid.

Allisnotrosey

I presume you still get something out of the relationship with this person otherwise you would have given him the boot a long time back.

So what do you get from this relationship now?.

Better to be alone than to be badly accompanied; men who like to play games and "test" you ought to be avoided. I bet as well his own relationship history is awful. Such men certainly do not do your head any good at all. I think he is testing you to see how much more you are willing to put up with, you've put up with a lot of crap from him already.

Bet you as well your children don't like him either.

The testing.

He was away for weeks and I'd got used to him not being here. I was distant ish when he came back. I'd got back into my own routine. I was not cancelling things to see him. Like I had in the past.

In truth I don't think he really did have a drunken shag with his ex. I think he took a gamble to see my reaction. I don't know.?

Its this that concerns me more right now. What he did or didn't do is in the past we sort of moved on from that until the email this morning.

Was he unfaithful.? Who knows.? Is it just a tester again of my love for him and how much shit I will take.? Was it all made up to make me jealous, keep me on my toes.?

Whatever the answers are I think it's time for me to call it a day and get off this fucking roller coaster.

The ups and downs are too severe for me to deal with anymore.!

My kids like him a lot.

He's not all bad.

Whatever the answers are I think it's time for me to call it a day and get off this fucking roller coaster.

The ups and downs are too severe for me to deal with anymore

Thank Christ for that. It's sending a terrible message to your kids.

Him and his ex wife get along great. Presents each way at christmas etc. The shagging ex was a girlfriend together 3 and half years. Her job moved her to the other side of the world. They get on too as we all now know..

The kids don't know anything btw.

I'm glad you've decided to get off the rollercoaster :)

I have to go now. I will be back later. Thanks again for all the messages.

Sorry, got as far as the 'testing you' comment. That's your red flag!
Actually that's your second red flag. The first being when he slept with his ex.
He's not your teacher (and let's be blunt, you wouldn't want to learn what he is teaching you about relationships!). Testing has no place in a relationship. My first ever - LTB.

Im back. I will now read all the posts through. Ive had no more emails or calls since I was away.

That in itself is very unusual.

Will be interesting to see how he reacts to your silence.

Oh my god I have just got an email from him asking if I have received his messages over the past 24 hours.

I've had loads of messages today all advertising something, non from him until now. I can't breath. Feel guilty about hanging my dirty washing out on here.

What's a girl to do.?
Should I respond.. .?
If so how.?
Normal..? Hard to pull that one off as I feel far from normal.!
Or should I drag my self respect and broken heart out of the gutter and let him worry about it until he's home. Like I'm worrying now.?

Do I tell him what I translated his message into or do I ignore..?

Any advice from you wise ladies is much appreciated.

Just to let you all know he has been the best thing that has happen in my life in the past eight years. If I'm not HIS best thing then that means shite right..?

Oh fuck my mobile is ringing....it's him

Ignore the ridiculous man.

I didn't answer it.

To tell him his ALONE email sounded like he's NOT alone just sounds pathetic and childish. I'm rubbish at confrontation.

Sad that the women in London are throwing themselves at him makes me sound jealous and pathetic.

To bring up the past ex shenanigans means I'm still holding a grudge. We are over that, well I thought I was.

He is late 50's and clever so I need to get it right.

FFS. YOU and your kids, don't need this. A guy who screwed someone else and then quipped, well, shit happens, deal with it.

It's him! What do I do?

'You're being away, I've been thinking. And I'm thinking that I deserve better than someone who fucks someone else on a trip and then just tells me shit happens, doesn't even apologise, and plays a bunch of mind games with me. So we're through. You can collect your things when you get back.'

He's in his late 50s but cunts can be any age.

Don't like confrontation, then email him back with the same message. We're through. I deserve better than a lying mind fucker. Bye.'

So, he's in his late 50s and coming out with the ALONE email and the bit about women throwing themselves at him? Doesn't sound a very pleasant person to me.

Another email why are you not answering your phone today.?

I need to reply childish not to right..?

Where is everyone now.?

I'm angry and feel like being nasty too. I know it's wrong. But this I feel is over. Any full on bitch comments I need them right now.

It's brought back all the pain of shagging the ex. Which I'm not proud to admit but I very quickly swept under the carpet so to speak.

Oh my god I have just got an email from him asking if I have received his messages over the past 24 hours.

That's an old trick. To pretend that you've been sending messages and "oh didn't you get them?".

At best, this guy sounds like he's insecure and into head games. At worst, he's a cheater who wants someone in his life who will be company for him on the dull days and won't give him any grief when he goes off on his business trips. He can pretend that he's still a major player, even if he's in his fifties.

So what to do now? Ignore his texts and emails, and only answer your phone if you can't stand it ringing all the time. Then tell him "Look we need to talk, I'm not happy with how things are between us - call me when you get back. Bye."

Don't get involved in a long conversation where he can deny things, pretend he's sent loving texts etc. When he does get back, just tell him calmly "It's not working, I'm not happy and I know now that you cheating last year eroded my trust in you. This last business trip made me realise that you're not going to change and I don't want to be part of this. I deserve so much more than this. " End of.

Tell him the girls said

Fuck the fuck off and when you get there call a cab and fuck off some more.

obviously typed with much love