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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel cheap :-(

186 replies

QuestionTime · 22/11/2012 16:56

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestionTime · 22/11/2012 17:04

Text not tact!

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 22/11/2012 17:08

You're not cheap, he is.

Sorry you're feeling sad :(

Lovingfreedom · 22/11/2012 17:09

You'll have to put it down to experience. You had a fun night and an enjoyable evening of sex and seduction with a guy who, unfortunately, seems to specialise in that kind of thing. You're not cheap at all and you're not a fool. How were you to know until your friend told you?

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 22/11/2012 17:12

"saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together"

If it wasn't for the above I would say how nice you had a good time.

Because of the above I'm going to say how bloody lucky you are to have got away from this lying, manipulative scumbag. Really Angry on your behalf.

DragonMamma · 22/11/2012 17:17

Just chalk it up to experience. You had a nice time and felt flattered.

izzyizin · 22/11/2012 17:19

What were you expecting? Marriage or a committed relationship after shagging on a first date?

So he allegedly snogged your friend after you left the group on Friday and you shagged him the following day.

As I see it, he's free and you're free to shag who you want and it's a great shame you've gone in heavy as you're unlikely to be invited round for seconds.

Forget all this nonsense about feeling 'cheap and used'. You're a grown woman who had an itch that needed scratching and to that extent you used him as much as he used you in order to get your mutual rocks off.

No blame - no shame.

CrikeyOHare · 22/11/2012 17:23

Nothing cheap about you at all - it's him.

Think of him as your "dipping your toe in the water" man. He was obviously very attracted to you (no matter who else may have caught his eye), liked you and went to the trouble of making dinner etc - try to take something away from that.

He's a berk and you deserve better. Dismiss him from your mind as the irrelevant pipsqueak he is.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/11/2012 17:26

Definitely a learning experience. ie. a man who has a flat full of candles, fires and smoochy CDs who tells you it's like you've known each other for ever on the first date is probably just interested in the contents of your knickers! Don't let it put you off and don't feel used.

Xales · 22/11/2012 17:26

I agree with Izzy. The only person making you feel cheap and used is yourself.

amillionyears · 22/11/2012 17:30

Just a quick question.
How long have you known your friend?
You say you 100% trust her. If she is to be trusted, fair enough.

Charbon · 22/11/2012 17:31

Agree with everyone else but I'm puzzled why your friend would get off with a bloke who'd clearly been romancing you all evening, in full view of her.

How close are you to your friend and how well do you know her?

JimmysMum1988 · 22/11/2012 17:33

All sounds a bit fish to me!!!! X

JimmysMum1988 · 22/11/2012 17:34

Fishy not fish

strumpetpumpkin · 22/11/2012 17:34

neither of you are cheap, you were just having fun

CinnabarRed · 22/11/2012 17:35

I'm not liking the sound of your friend much....

Abitwobblynow · 22/11/2012 17:35

The number 1. rule teenage girls used to be taught:

'men will do and say ANYTHING to get into your knickers'.

Number 2. rule: (I have only just absorbed this, after understanding that he crossed the red flag of instant declaration of love):

get to know them slowly.

Of course, if you want a good mutual sorting out, go for it. But you have made the decision, you know exactly what you want and you are the one in charge.

akaemmafrost · 22/11/2012 17:38

I don't think he did anything wrong.

He's a free agent, for the sake of courtesy he could have mentioned that he'd had an, er, encounter with your friend so as to give you the chance to decide if you wanted to, er, follow her down that road.

I don't blame him for getting arsey with you actually.

You had a nice night, shame it went this way but that's how it is sometimes.

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 22/11/2012 17:40

The thing he did wrong was to lie though and then try to blame the friend.

that says he's a devious little shit - not the almost shagging of the friend, or the shagging of you but the lies and the trying to cause friction between friends.

Lovingfreedom · 22/11/2012 17:44

We both said it was like we had known each other forever.

yes.... abitwobbly has got it...I'm afraid you fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book...

the old 'I've never met a girl like you before'....

Don't beat yourself up about it though...you're allowed to enjoy sex and it sounds like a fun evening was had by both you and him.

akaemmafrost · 22/11/2012 17:45

Yes well that's not great but he was probably hoping it wouldn't come up, especially if he really did like the OP, not excusing it, he should have just held his hands up. Maybe not quite as much happened as the friend said though. Guess we will never know.

Lovingfreedom · 22/11/2012 17:58

Yes, the friend might be stirring a bit...or exaggerating what happened between them.

I can't really imagine how he would raise it in conversation on the night...and could you really expect him too?

...'you're once, twice, three times a lady....A moment....I have a small confession to make...I committed an indiscretion with Sophie last night...bit of a mistake tbh, I was blotto and she wouldn't go all the way....don't let's allow it to come between us and what we have....mmmm I feel like I've known you all my life....may I tempt you with another tia maria my dear?'

akaemmafrost · 22/11/2012 17:58
Grin
DeckSwabber · 22/11/2012 17:58

Well, your friend says he was interested in her but in spite of getting frisky he didn't sleep with her and he called YOU the next day. He didn't take HER to lunch and dinner.

Perhaps your friend was a bit upset and exaggerated what happened to cover her disappointment.

I've heard a few people tell me what a great night they nearly had only to hear the other side which is more like The Great Escape.

cornflowers · 22/11/2012 18:01

Yes, the friend isn't exactly covering herself in glory here. Sounds as though she's stirring.

ledkr · 22/11/2012 18:03

Don't feel cheap why should you? These days it's ok for women to have and enjoy sex without judgement. Put it down to experience and carry on the fun of being single just stay safe and if you meet anyone you really feel is meaningful to you then make him wait a bit so you avoid getting hurt.