Feel cheap :-(

[QuestionTime]

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

[QuestionTime]

I didn't want to apologise as I still don't think it was great behaviour from him. So text this instead
Hi. Have been thinking - whatever happened, at the end of the day I had a really lovely time on sat with you. Don't want things to be awkward as we're bound to bump into each other at some point in the future. So no hard feelings? x

[akaemmafrost]

Yes but you don't know do you? You don't know he behaved badly.

I think you've handled this all wrong, sorry but I do. Hope you hear back but that text is very final. I wouldn't even bother to reply to that if I were him.

I think you like him and are trying to play it cool, or why bother to text at all?

Whatever could have been it's well and truly messed up now, so you should just leave it alone.

[Charbon]

I don't think texts are great for this sort of thing and it always makes me wonder why people who are willing to have sex are so unwilling to have a more direct conversation with that person. But to counter that, he might not want to talk to you and so I guess that preserves his right not to. How do you feel towards your friend now?

[whatacolddaytoday]

Great, send it to see if you can clear the air THEN leave it at that and don't chase

Just a thought, have you got enough other avenues open so you have other totty to think about? I can imagine you'd be quite keen on thinking about this chap, perhaps hoping this was work itself out. It's human nature, sometimes it's easier to pay attention to the bad/slightly uncomfortable/uncertain situations rather than the good ones.

I know I personally have fallen into the trap of obsessing over one situation when going out and opening up other avenues even if I didn't quite feel like it was more what I needed?

[QuestionTime]

He just rung me. Said something along the lines of "why did you send that - it sounds like you don't want to see me again but I do want to see you again" So I said that I did. He said good and that he was driving so shouldn't be ringing or reading texts and went quite abruptly. So the ball is in his court.
I have a fair few other people I am casually seeing - it's just there was something about him.
Anyway we will see!!

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Hope it works out for you then, QT. My DH was a ONS almost 30 years ago.

But he's not a multi-millionaire. :(

[whatacolddaytoday]

Cool

I'm thinking very quickly here so may be off the mark, but if he gets back to you it might be an idea NOT to get your friends/social circle involved in these early stages, it all sounds a bit complicated?

I think my dating life improved about 20000% when I realised I was sabotaging it by justifying/telling everything I did to my friends, who had their own range of issues/prejudices/insecurities so were clouding my own sense of "this feels right, continue" or "this doesn't, end it".

[greencheddar]

You're casually seeing a few other people?????? And our upset because he snogged someone else ????

[Lovingfreedom]

...I reckon a few expensive dinners...keep him on til Christmas and you can always head to Cash4Gold on Boxing Day if it goes tits up...Good luck OP....enjoy yourself and have fun!

[Tressy]

Sounds like you are both clear on this then, you will carry on seeing him. I wouldn't mention you were dating other people. Good luck with it.

[akaemmafrost]

Agree greencheddar. Unreal.

[QuestionTime]

I personally think there is a difference between going for a drink with a few people and practically having sex with someone 12 hours before you do the same with someone else. But maybe that's just me.

[akaemmafrost]

But you don't know that! And if you're so hung up on it and believe it to be true, why are you bothering at all?

[Feckbox]

your big mistake was to bring up the fact he ( allegedly ) snogged your friend the previous night.

It was not really your business what he did the previous night. I'm not surprised he was pissed off.

[Gay40]

How about we all grow up and get sensible about sex and consenting adults. IE everything SGB said.

[garlicbaguette]

Is "practically having sex with someone 12 hours before you do the same with someone else" a bad thing, then? Should one always exchange a promissory note when on a promise - 24 hours' mutual exclusivity? What if you change your mind and decide not to shag them after all, can they sue you for breach of contract?

You're weird.

[Gay40]

It's ridiculous.

[akaemmafrost]

I think you're making a massive meal out of this actually. I don't think you have any right to think less of him for it. You were nothing to each other when it happened and if it bothers you so much then don't bother with him again.

[garlicbaguette]

Don't be silly, Emma, he's got his own Wikipedia page

[SarahBumBarer]

imo I think you need to get a more mature attitude towards sex (and friendships) before you engage in the mature act of having sex (and friends). Feeling cheap because you had consensual sex is a decidedly immature reaction.

I suspect your friend embellished what happened. I expect in the face of her having done so wikiguy went in to full on defensive mode when (in all probability) he probably provided the birthday girl with a birthday snog (yeuch!) as she seemed to consider was her due from the men at the party.

No biggie - until you made it one.

[HeftyHeifer]

Sounds like you felt 'very special' because of his smooth words, the log fire, the candles, and all that paraphernalia. Then you hear this from your 'friend' - who isn't at friend at two weeks, believe me. And you think 'wah...I'm not that special at all'. You said you're seeing others casually, but you fell for this one and I think his charms really did make you feel like you two were sharing something more than a ONS. And maybe you were - only time will tell.

If you want a relationship with this guy, let take you out on a proper date next time. ie out of his house and away from his huge water bed or whatever multi-millionaires sleep on these days. Keep out of the hot tub too. OR if you just want casual with him, that's not a problem either, keep it at his house and just have fun.

And don't feel cheap. There's no need to. But if you can't do ONS without feeling cheap, take this one as a learning experience and wait a bit longer next time. When I was younger I had plenty of casual sex and it was great. For some reason as I got older it didn't work for me any longer.

[Apocalypto]

If I were him I'd run a fucking mile from the pair of you.

[akaemmafrost]

I think he's trying to Apocalypto.

[HairyGrotter]

Lets hope he has a 'dungeon' for you, and a private helicopter. What a drama over a quick bang.

Your 'friend', who you've known for 2 weeks sounds a sort, as does the fella, as do you!

Send the rich man my way, I'll not give a shit who he snogs/fucks as long as I get me some shoes.

[ToffeeCaramel]

OldLady The guy in the OP isn't a multi-millionaire either, he is a multi multi millionaire!