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Feel cheap :-(

186 replies

QuestionTime · 22/11/2012 16:56

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

OP posts:
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Gay40 · 24/11/2012 17:39

SGB I know this might seem like a silly or naive question, but at a swingers club, do you have people that just watch?

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ExitPursuedByABear · 24/11/2012 17:52

Gosh SGB - My record was two in a day.

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SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR · 24/11/2012 18:24

Gay40: Yes. No one is under any obligation to have any kind of sex if they don't want to do so. Watchers are simply requested not to crowd people who are actualy having sex and not to give an impolite running commentary, for instance.
It's not that common but I have met monogamous couples who occasionally like to go to a swingers' club - they get turned on by the atmosphere and by watching other people, and then they go home and shag each other legless in private.

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biff23 · 24/11/2012 18:28

Two adults enjoying one another's company, nothing shameful in that, don't make it into something it's not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with two adults having sex when they don't know each other very well, it's 2012 and we have the same needs as men, please don't feel bad.

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Gay40 · 24/11/2012 22:18

Not that I fancy a swinger's club really (too much cock) but I did wonder.

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garlicbaguette · 24/11/2012 22:56

Gosh SGB - My record was two in a day.

That puts me in second place Wink

'Twas a very long time ago. Can't be bothered with any of it these days!

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Tressy · 24/11/2012 22:58

Ahem!

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Tressy · 24/11/2012 22:59

Joint second!

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ExitPursuedByABear · 24/11/2012 23:00

Erm - I was 2, SGB was 5 - so come on you two, how many?

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garlicbaguette · 24/11/2012 23:02

My max: 3. So Tressy might be second Grin

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cronullansw · 25/11/2012 11:56

Three separate penetrative encounters in one day, before going home to DP........... well, it was Christmas. :)

Swingers club records; well, it was once two with me, then later that same night it was another two with me, with a total of 7 sexual partners in one night.

Was I proud? Actually, damn right I was.

My friend, who I attended with, had three at once.... I was in awe of her stamina.

Come on MN, flame me if you need, ask questions if you want....

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garlicbaguette · 25/11/2012 12:15

I imagine swingers clubs as very much reducing people to bodies, iyswim, so would be a million miles from my idea of sexy. I'm willing to be told I'm wrong, though?

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MiniTheMinx · 25/11/2012 12:15

What a bunch of "baduns" you are Grin I really couldn't be bothered, I would rather have nice glass of red or climb a mountain. I am sooooo boring.

cronullansw did your DP know?

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Gay40 · 25/11/2012 12:45

Garlicbaguette...not everyone needs sex combined with love and emotions. Ultimately it is a physical need - nice if you have feelings for the person, nice if you don't particularly.
Swinging isn't my thing but neither is knitting. I don't have any judgements on people who do either (or both).

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Tressy · 25/11/2012 13:06

I couldn't do swinging, I don't find many men sexually attractive, unless I was out of it on alcohol. This has happened in the past come to think of it and given me the creeps the next day. Now that was sex without feelings. Long time ago now and I would hate to feel like that again. Blush

Or equally, liked the guy and didn't get the phone call!

I suppose an honest swinging thing would take all the out of the equation. I can understand that.

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garlicbaguette · 25/11/2012 13:31

Hell, I wasn't judging! I don't need love but do want some personal connection. I've had enough of being blatantly objectified in everyday life; never wanted it when I've got me bits out! I was curious as to whether swinging is as impersonal as I imagine it. Where's SGB when you need her? Grin

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Gay40 · 25/11/2012 17:44

I find the idea of sex with a stupid person more objectionable than swinging.

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cronullansw · 25/11/2012 19:31

Mini - I was single at the time, no DP to worry about or cheat upon. And I didn't DP on that occasion, although my friend did :)

My DP is completely against the idea of sharing me, so until the next life, it's a memory only.

I actually felt very empowered and liberated after, I used them for my fun.

as for people watching, (the original question), yes, many people do attend purely to soak in the atmosphere, watch others, and stay faithful to their partners.

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blueshoes · 25/11/2012 19:35

Swinging has the image of middle aged suburban people going at it. Is that the case?

It would be nice to watch attractive bodies ...

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Tressy · 25/11/2012 20:48

Gay, how do you gauge if the swingers are stupid or not? Or was that a dig?

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garlicbaguette · 25/11/2012 20:54

I've enjoyed some sex with stupid people. I only need them to be smart enough to figure out what goes where.

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Gay40 · 25/11/2012 21:10

Not a dig at all. I'm not reallly into swinging but I've got no objections if others are - I can't see the problem with consenting adults doing what they want together. It's just not my thing.
Stupidity is just an instant turn-off so I couldn't ever have sex with someone I found so unappealing. That was all.

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MiniTheMinx · 25/11/2012 21:31

I always require possible partners to hand over proof of mensa membership first Wink I don't think I would find someone dull to be appealing. I'm not certain you get much conversation going to a swingers party.....I might be wrong, never been to one. I wonder how OP got on????

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QuestionTime · 25/11/2012 21:52

I'm still here - just fascinated by the other conversation going on.
Um so Friday night was lovely in that he is amazing in bed, we get on very well and the conversation flowed. What isn't so good is that he is clearly utterly commitment phobic (is 50 and never even lived with anyone!) and obviously lives this mad hedonistic lifestyle (according to his friend he shipped a coach load of models into his last pool party in the summer!)
So I can't imagine he is interested in me for anything other than a bit of weekend sex - I have to decide if I want to just treat it as a bit of fun or if I'm in danger of wanting more in which case I should run for the hills!

OP posts:
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SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR · 25/11/2012 22:00

There isn't actually anything wrong with being middle-aged and living in the suburbs. Sex is not only for the young, fashionable and beautiful.

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