Feel cheap :-(

[QuestionTime]

Hi ladies,
Well I did a silly thing and am feeling really down about it. Basically I've had a dreadful year with my mum dying and splitting up from my husband. I was just starting to get my equilibrium back - going out with friends and really beginning to enjoy life again.
Anyway on Friday it was my friends birthday and we went out as a big group. One of the guys in the group I got on really well with and we spent ages talking, dancing and just getting to know one another. He was so lovely - walking me to my cab and asking me to tact when I was home safe.
Anyway the next day he rung me and asked to take me out to lunch. We had a lovely time - talking, laughing and generally getting on like a house on fire. He was such a gentleman - always walking on the traffic side of the pavement etc. He dropped me home and we had a bit of a kiss.
Later that night he text me and after a few more texts and a phone call I agreed to go to his for dinner. Turned up and it was all candles and open fires. Put a cd on and it was my favourite song in the world. We both said it was like we had known each other forever.
Anyway one thing led to another and I stayed the night and we had sex. Only the third person I've slept with in my life.
Last night I went round to my friends who was also out on the Friday. I find out that after I left they pretty much did everything but sleep together.
Anyway I'd arranged to ring him that evening so told him that I had found out about Friday night. He point blank denied it and got really angry about it - saying she was stirring just because we had something potentially really good together - before practically putting the phone down on me.
I 100% believe her. Feel so cheap and used. Have never ever trusted someone enough to sleep with them that quickly. What a fool. Just really knocked my duck off.

[SorryMyLollipop]

BUT

I echo "beware the charming man"

I would be wary of the "feel like I've known you all my life" log fires/candles - sounds like a player.

Its good he didn't mention his riches, but if he really was being modest, he could have concealed them a bit more, met you somewhere neutral for dinner maybe....

[Lovingfreedom]

Just read the bit about him being a millionaire...wow! I'm feeling a connection with him myself....seriously though...
Friend even more likely to be stirring then tbh....sad but true.

[QuestionTime]

Oh and he did tell me to put him on speakerphone so he could talk to us both - but I was already back home by then

[AnyFucker]

Lovingfreedom, I am loving your posts on this thread

[QuestionTime]

Yes me too - they keep making me laugh out loud! Thank you for cheering me up and stop taking everything so seriously!!

[hatesponge]

Men (or certain most men anyway) tend to take what's on offer. If your friend was going round snogging every other bloke in the club, it doesn't take much of a leap to see that she probably would have made the moves on this guy as well.

Now at that point, and forgive me if this isnt what happened, nothing had gone on between you - he'd made it clear he was interested, you say you'd got on well, but you'd resisted his attempts to kiss you and gone home. Quite possible, and assuming he's a decent-ish type, he may have thought along the lines that he liked you, but wasn't sure anything would come of it, hence no reason to pass up your friend if she made it clear she was interested. At that point he didn't know if he'd see you again. So I don't think he was necessarily wrong in doing what he did.

I also don't think there was any way he could then have mentioned it to you the next day. You would have thought he was a complete sleaze (admittedly he might be...) and wanted nothing to do with him. So again, not wrong in keeping quiet.

Where he did go wrong, ime, was denying that Friday happened. I don't like the sort of man who says people are lying to cause trouble. It's rarely true. I suspect he was pissed off at being caught out, and that showed in his reaction. Getting angry about it suggests annoyance at being found out. I expect he is, in view of his financial position, rather used to people dancing to his tune.

I'm not sure about him. It's the reaction rather than the action, iyswim.

As to the friend, did she know what was going on with you and him? If so, she's not much of a friend if she made a move immediately after you left (and assuming she would have known you were interested). I have to say also that my days of snogging several 10 men in one night in a club were in my early 20s, assuming you're not that age, I'm not sure I'd be pursuing that friendship much further.

Ultimately neither of them have covered themselves in glory. I think I would chalk it up to bad experience. You are not cheap, and don't let yourself think that way, whats that quote about no-one can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent? Or something like that.

[MiniTheMinx]

He's telling the truth.

[SorryMyLollipop]

Sorry OP cross posted earlier. This "friend" had already told another friend that she kissed him. So even if that was true (remember she knows he is a millionaire, she has googled him, knows he has a wiki page etc) it was presumably just a kiss. Sounds like she elaborated what happened a bit to put you off him so she can move in on him.

The fact he offered to go on speaker phone to talk to you both is surely a good sign? I think he may be telling the truth even if he is a master seducer

[Charbon]

Oh I'd feel very differently about this if it turns out he got up to something with your friend and then denied it afterwards. I really don't like this idea that men can't be expected to turn down an available woman.

[cronullansw]

The allegations made by the 'friend' are immaterial.

No commitment had been made by either of the interested parties on Friday night, Saturday night is where it started getting important - everything that has happened before that means nothing.

Op, you are sounding like you are 15 and upset because your bff, who you'd known for a whole 2 weeks, kissed a boy you liked.

And girl don't feel cheap, you had fun, you enjoyed it. If your 'friends' allegations hadn't come up, you'd still be walking on air and looking forward to the next session.

[amillionyears]

You have only known your friend 2 weeks.
As I have ironically just posted on another thread, trust has to be earned.
I wouldnt really call anyone a friend after 2 weeks.
She could so easily have made it up, or it be part truth, or anything else for that matter.

[Teabagtights]

Dont feel cheap you are not.

This man paid you attention all night on the Friday, when you left your friend made a bee line for him, he probably turned her down for a shag, I mean seriously if he had been interested in her he would have either gone home with her or taken her home with him. He didn't.

You wasn't his girlfriend on the Friday you had not spent time with him other than in a social environment with other people.

I'd give him a chance and question why she went near him after he had been with you all night?

Friend? I think not, she fancied him he chose you simple.

[Teabagtights]

Oh she was jealous by the way of the attention he gave you and wanted some for herself.

She isnt a friend after two weeks.

[Xales]

She kissed him is a long way short of doing everything which she told you in graphic detail bar shagging...

[ImperialBlether]

Get the man on speaker phone while you're both there. Or (gasp) even in the same room. It's the only way you'll know the truth.

[Lovingfreedom]

 A cautionary tale...I had my last one night stand about 16 years ago. Next night and with hangover from Hell I swore no more. I felt degraded and ashamed....but how wrong I was. That night my friend and I went out. She had a ONS with a guy on a stag do which she enjoyed tremendously and never saw again. I foolishly didn't shag my one. But 15 years later and after two kids, therapy and paying him silly money to gtf...here I am.. and you'll guess the rest from my name.

[Lovingfreedom]

Sorry but please don't get the guy on speakerphone. OP is not even in a relationship with the guy. Ok two women who are friends on consecutive nights is unsubtle...but I don't really think he owes either of you anything. You will look like a fool if you start anything like that.

[Tressy]

I suppose if he is a multi multi millionaire you could have made him work harder to get you into the sack. Is that why you feel cheap?

[Gay40]

FFS what a non issue. Are you all 12?

[SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR]

You have nothing to feel 'cheap' about. There is nothing wrong with having sex with a consenting adult, because you want to do so.

It's a bit daft to make a fuss about him having snogged your friend, though. He doesn't owe you any kind of commitment and certainly didn't on the night when you had declined even a kiss: he probably thought that you weren't all that keen.

DO bear in mind that casual sex is actually good for women. It stops you getting hung up on knobbers and thinking you have to try and coax 'commitment' out of them just because you've had, or would like, a good bunkup with them.

[whatacolddaytoday]

I agree with Izzyizin's post - its a bit odd feeling cheap? You had consensual sex which you enjoyed? - you want to have sex have it and enjoy it, if you're only comfortable having sex within the context of an exclusive relationship, then make sure you don't have sex until you've had "the chat" and know you're in one And remember safe sex obviously

I don't really agree with this culture of women humiliating each other and getting in this big "shame" dance and not owning their choices? I mean, I sleep with guys, it can be very loving and close and enjoyable, BUT it's a bit bizarre to assume that I want them to be my "boyfriend" just because they're a good lover and chemistry is there.

I must admit I keep my dating life quite compartmentalised from female acquaintances precisely because there seems to be this depressing judgey pants mindset where we're all meant to sit round and go "oh, he's such a bastard for not calling, you must have REALLY wanted him to be your boyfriend" when I have just as much control over my dating/sex choices as the men I'm interacting with?

PS I spent one rather pleasant weekend - Saturday night with one chap, Sunday in the arms of another. I also had my period. I think I might take up gardening, I've had my sex allowance for my life

[tisnottheseasonyet]

You used him just as much as he used you. And get better friends.

[stitch]

why would you mess up something that could be so perfect with a guy you like so much over something that some woman you barely know has said.

you shouldnt have made such a drama with the guy. Thats really the only thing that you did wrong here i think

[Youcanringmybell]

I think you should text him and apologise. Your 'friend' doesn't sound very nice and he could be telling the truth. I would apologise and then see what happens. I wouldn't chase him though.

[atosilis]

Your 'friend' is jealous and a shit stirrer.